Ask Wendy: Your Relationship Problems Solved By Our Experts
Sometimes a problem pops up and it’s something you just can’t share with your family and friends. Luckily Toyboy Warehouse are giving you the chance to air your relationship worries – anonymously! – and in return you get some real, intelligent advice from our panel of male and female dating experts. Our experts are notable faces who you will recognize both from their presence on Toyboy Warehouse and their accomplishments in the world beyond. What they all share is tried and tested experience of what it’s like dating in our niche.
Four of you have already submitted your problems for the attention of the first of our female experts, the beautiful and accomplished Wendy Salisbury. All names have been changed, so don’t try to guess who this may be!
To see your questions answered in this space next time, email them to email@example.com
I get incredibly nervous before I go on a first-date. I often start stuttering, sometimes I forget to zip my flies and once or twice I’ve even run away before she arrived. How can I have more confidence when meeting an older woman for the first time? – Tom, 35
First dates and blind dates can be very daunting because neither of you knows what to expect. It doesn’t matter how well you’ve got on in cyberspace… one always has more courage shielded by a screen! Physically meeting face-to-face is nerve-wracking for everyone, so you’re not alone there.
Running away is not a good idea because
a) you’ll feel guilty and
b) she’ll think she’s been stood up. You have to tough it out if you’ve gone to the trouble of making the date in the first place. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?
If you’re not brave enough to keep the date, it’s best to say so beforehand and save her the journey. You can always rearrange, but you’ll probably only get two shots at it. If you’re not at the appointed place at the appointed time, your date will give up on you altogether or send you an angry message for having left her standing. That’s a lose/lose situation whichever way you pitch it!
As for ‘wardrobe malfunctions’, ALWAYS check your flies before leaving home, in the same way that you check that you have your keys and mobile.
Once you have met, the best way to defuse any nerves is to admit to them. Remember, your date may be just as nervous as you. Smile, stand up to greet her if you’re there first and say ‘Hi! I don’t know about you, but I’m really nervous!’
Confidence needs building over time. It’s perfectly normal to feel insecure in new situations. We’re all insecure about something: our looks, our clothes, our lack of knowledge on certain subjects. If you get tongue-tied, take a deep breath, drop your shoulders, and pay your date a compliment. Even if it seems banal, say: ‘I like your top/dress/hair/shoes.’ That will break the ice. Then ask her about her day: how was her journey? Did she come straight from work?
Once the conversation starts to flow, your stutter should abate and your voice should settle down. The first drink usually helps as well!
Best of Luck!
I’ve been messaging someone on Toyboy Warehouse regularly for about three months. He’s charming, easy on the eye (in his photos at least!) and keen to meet up. The only issue is he says he is looking for something serious and while he lives in Edinburgh, I live in London. Can something long-distance work? – Sarah, 48
I’m afraid that unless you have a regular rendezvous planned – every other weekend or even once a month for instance – long-distance relationships do struggle to survive. You’re starting with a geographical challenge, although with today’s myriad methods of communication, you can at least keep in touch in many different ways.
You really need to meet first if you’re going to progress this. The chemistry that may be present in your current contact may fly out the window the minute you set eyes on each other then the problem will no longer exist. It’s all very well having an ‘imaginary’ boyfriend/girlfriend, but nothing beats the real thing.
Edinburgh is a long way from London so if your guy wants something serious he should probably be looking closer to home. This may sound harsh but it is realistic. If he’s hooked on you and it’s feasible to do, either he or you should be prepared to relocate.
So, in the first instance, MEET – even halfway? – and see if you click. If not, nothing lost. If so, you’ve got something to build on.
Best of luck!
If you’d like answers to any questions that you have, send them in to firstname.lastname@example.org