I’ve been meeting up recently with a number of female friends in their late forties and fifties and a theme seems to be emerging from the lives of the newly single: a journey deeper into self, including sexuality.

These are women who were married or entered long time partnerships as long ago as the 1980’s and have spent their lives raising children, building careers and supporting their other halves. The new journey is manifesting in all sorts of ways; changes of career, starting up businesses and, more surprisingly, playing in the grey. That is, pushing the boundaries of their sexuality or more explicitly dabbling with kink.

Yesterday I met up for lunch with a friend, a lively, warm, highly attractive earth-mother of a woman with teenage kids. After no contact for two years, we had much to catch up on. While we were talking, she told me that her last (younger) boyfriend had been really into fetish and so she’d decided to do some investigating with him, “to explore what my boundaries are”.  Although, at the point he donned a gimp mask (what is that?) she ruined the moment by dissolving into tears of laughter. She has thoroughly enjoyed herself, feels she knows her limitations much better and is now thinking about attending workshops on tantric sex. I had never imagined her moving into this scene but as she spoke, it was a million miles removed from porn – all about experiential and emotional pleasure rather than the voyeuristic. She now possesses a sports bag filled with various restraints, paddles and all sorts of similar paraphernalia.

I must confess to dabbling myself in the past two years or so, mainly with the psychological aspects of kink. Although I’m not a real convert, it’s more about experimentation beyond the rules laid out for us in terms of sexual expression and freedoms. The things myself and my friends enjoy are, at base, the increased communication and levels of trust with a sexual partner. In addition to this is the willingness to play and explore, giving and receiving with underlying tenderness. It seems to me this is what’s meant by ‘sacred sexuality’, along with bearing and rearing children and caring for our men.

So, don’t dismiss the ‘Older Woman’, you might be fortunate enough to find yourself accompanying her on her adventures in the capacity of a travelling companion.

Now, where did I put my sports bag? Oh yes, it’s in the loft. I will get it down once my back’s recovered…

Written by Lady Journeyman, an enigmatic TBW member and published as part of our 30 Blogs in 30 Days campaign – reopening discussion concerning dating and sexuality. Got something to say on this topic? Join in the discussion in the comments below.

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