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The pursuit of pleasure – do we deserve great sex?

Many of us believe that we live in a time in which we are sexually liberated. Unlike generations before us, we have easy access to contraception; and it’s no longer taboo to have sex outside of marriage. Sexual imagery pierces every form of media that we are exposed to. In the age of reality TV, looks have become all important; and being seen as sexually desirable is considered a great barometer of self-worth. Despite all this, women in particular often have difficulty in believing that a good sex life is something they don’t just deserve, but are entitled to…

TVs, computers, newspapers and magazines might radiate sex, but attitudes towards women as sexual beings, who consider themselves worthy of a satisfying sex life, haven’t changed as much as we would like to believe. It takes a supreme degree of confidence and self-belief for any woman to resist being affected in her attitude to her sexuality by these archaic Madonna-whore ideals. Women should consider themselves worthy of amazing sex as this belief can positively transcend every area of their lives. It is vital that women do not judge their peers on their sex lives, that they do not attribute these restrictive and abusive labels to their friends or family. We need to remind ourselves that sexual pleasure is a great thing, and its pursuit is the act of a healthy, happy and confident woman!

The pursuit of pleasure and understanding of how to enjoy ourselves sexually can have a ripple effect, causing other women and importantly, other young women, to take confident charge of their sexual destiny.

Despite the modern proclivity towards sexual freedom, how many mothers talk openly about sex with their daughters? How many mothers encourage their daughters to reject patriarchal labels like ‘slut’, and embrace their sexual desires in a safe way that has self-esteem and self-respect at its core? If women and girls support each other, and reinforce the concept of amazing sex being a great and attainable ideal; we will all be much happier. Therefore, we don’t just owe it to ourselves to achieve sexual fulfillment, but to generations to come.

So, I’ve decided that women deserve amazing sex; we’ll reap great benefits from getting it. A fulfilling sex life will help us to sleep better and generally feel happier and more desirable. Our partners will be punching the air with delight! The recent viral online spreadsheet, that dominated social media, chronicling the sexual rejection of a man scorned, will become a distant memory of less enlightened times.

But how do we achieve sexual freedom and enlightenment?

Many believe that sexual enjoyment is mostly concerned with technique. Whether or not you are ‘good’ in bed comes down to how much practice you’ve had and the reading of the Kama Sutra or other such sexually instructive tomes. In fact, enjoying sex has little to do with reading a book or considering yourself the master of oral sex or of adopting increasingly athletic positions. It doesn’t seem to be an almighty leap to consider that many others, including here in the UK, bear the weight of similar anxieties when it comes to sexual activity.

Women in particular are often besieged by anxieties about every part of their lives, so are more likely to fall victim to being so worried about how they are performing that it is physically and mentally impossible to really embrace the experience. If we’re worrying about looking like we’re enjoying it too much, or like we’re really keen on our partner, how can we possibly let go, and reach the dizzying heights of orgasm?! And, if we can’t do that, what is the point of having sex in the first place? To please our partners? We all deserve better than that!

Having amazing sex is all about who you’re having it with, and how you feel about them. Find a partner that you have a real connection with, and don’t settle for anything less. Believe yourself to be sexy and desirable, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Demonstrate your enthusiasm as much as you can. If you feel amazing during sex, tell your partner, shout about it! If he’s as enlightened as he should be, he won’t be alarmed or offended by this, he’ll think you’re great! And if he doesn’t, find someone who does, and don’t accept any alternative! We deserve amazing sex.

 

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