Dating in the Moment
Like many women who enjoy being around younger men, part of the attraction for me is the ability – for once – to live in the moment. It’s so liberating to be entirely in the present and in my experience, young guys usually inhabit the Space-time continuum of the Now with considerable energy! I appreciate that very much.
With someone young or even young at heart, I can escape planning for the future, with all its uncertainties, anxieties and hopefully joys, which lodge in my wishes for my children. I don’t need to consider the past, my regrets or my satisfactions, either. Of course I bring all these things with me to the date; they are an intrinsic part of me, but I want to experience something different.
What I want to do is enjoy the ‘now’: something which is a rarity in my day-to-day life. I want to go on dates where I am totally involved with the new person I’m getting to know, where I can share fun, laughs and light-heartedness with a new man. I want a clean slate, a breath of fresh air, to be immersed in the present and the man I’m with.
It’s totally liberating for a while to have no responsibilities, no expectations and no decisions to make beyond whether we meet again or not. The young adult times of fantasising about weddings, honeymoons and babies during dates one to four are long over for me. My fantasies are a little bit more adult these days and might stretch to fleeting thoughts of bedroom antics, but that’s as far as it goes. Most of the time, I’m genuinely interested in my date and want to spend my limited time away from responsibilities to learn as much about him as I can. Hopefully, that will be mutual. Fantasies can wait until the date itself is over.
Dating is a break from the humdrum for me. I’m relieved to relax into pleasant conversation and company and maybe a shared meal or activity. Dating means time out from my overstretched routine, where time strains at the seams with the amount I need to pack into my days. Dating is a chance to breathe again, to savour life and renew who I am. So, not only is the activity precious, but so is the person I’m with.
In that time, I will pay close attention to him. I will listen, observe, reflect, laugh, maybe flirt and return banter. I will enjoy looking at him, tracing the lines of his face, gazing into his eyes, noticing whether he fancies me. I will relish listening to him and understanding his viewpoint, even if I disagree with and debate it. I will love hearing about his passions, dreams and interests. My time is very precious and if I like him, so is the person I choose to spend it with, even if it’s only that one occasion and even if there is no chemistry.
It’s still a chance to experience novelty and inspiration, new perspectives and ideas. If we have some common humanity, we can share and luxuriate in that. The whole purpose of dating for me is a lovely break from responsibilities, something out of the ordinary, a chance to connect with someone and moreover, a chance to reconnect with myself, to feel alive, a woman in my own right as opposed to a role or a job.
I’ve tended to find, though not exclusively, that younger men are interested in discovering me, my views, my feelings, what makes me tick, who I am, rather than attempting to impress by pontificating about battalions of past achievements. I arrive at a date expecting only this interest. Sometimes things go further, sometimes not. Either way, I’ve had a fun time. Even the awful dates generally have a hilarious side and provide anecdotes to share with friends.
So here’s to dating in the undiscovered country of connecting in the moment! Exciting, isn’t it?