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Cougar cartoon

What Women Want

Gentleman – if you are expecting this to be The User’s Manual complete with useful diagrams for those tricky complicated parts– disappointment for now. You will have to wait until Volume 2.  Ladies first after all…

So what do woman want? Well – if I am to take seriously the spate of articles I have been coming across over the last 6 months the answer is who the hell knows. It would appear that the greatest offenders in not knowing how to answer this question are women.

From what I have been reading women were still aspiring to be either that old favorite “superwoman” and/or her new best friend the “yummy mummy”. You know those Amazonian beauties lurking behind big shades and grande soya lattes whose sole aim is to make the mere mortal female (i.e. human) feel inadequate. Perfect mothers with darling gifted children, and/or high flying Prada suited (yet delicately fragranced) career women, domestic goddesses, outrageously sophisticated lovers, super supple yoga practitioners. Honed, toned, bronzed and looking at least 10 years younger – and that was just on a Monday.

Then it all changed – the confessional opened and apparently woman were repenting of the sin of demanding to Have It All. So now women in their droves were casting aside their gym memberships in rapture and running barefoot back to the kitchen into earth goddess mode, mightily relieved to be able to stop pretending women wanted a career.  Think that would make women happy? Hell no. Depression – women are at it all the time.  Especially if you were in your forties and feeling all bitter and twisted. Why? Please do try to keep up. Because you, that’s right you, did not bag your Mr O.K., settle down when you were 30 years old and remain married to the same man for the rest of your natural life.

You know, I never got that memo telling me there was an age cut off point after which it is all over. So it would seem that I am now way past my sell by date and destined to sit alone nursing my regrets and a large dry white wine whilst crying into my box set of Sex and the City. Oh Joy.

Then the “C” word. From the shadows emerged the Cougar, stalking their prey of hot young male totty by night (shame on you, shame). I am half expecting a backlash on this one and was personally disappointed at the portrayal of the once glorious Samantha Jones in SATC 2. No longer laughing with her, but at her perhaps?

So in the Public Interest I decided to run my very own focus group and produce a definitive list of what women want. Armed with our “just the one small glass of wine then I really must be going” (yeah right) we ventured forth to answer this age old question.

What actually emerged was – yes indeedy –

The International Women’s Bill of Rights.

  1. The right to multiple orgasms. (This is first purely because it raised the biggest cheer from the group! No pressure boys, no pressure).
  2. The right to set our own priorities depending on our life circumstances.
  3. The right to be independent and strong.
  4. The right to be vulnerable and to need support.
  5. The right not to be the one who is responsible for, thinks of and remembers the laundry/food shopping/housework/children/birthdays etc, etc, etc.
  6. The right to have a career or not without facing judgement.
  7. The right to have or not have children without facing judgement.
  8. The right to have a lover(s), partner, husband (or all three if you are super efficient at managing your time!) of any age without censure, ridicule and the application of double standards.
  9. The right to be single.
  10. The right to feel good about our bodies of whatever shape, age and size and away with the bombardment of unrealistic and heavily airbrushed images of women.
  11. The right to have time out, alone or with friends.
  12. The right to love, respect and accept ourselves and be accepted for our own perfect imperfections.
  13. The right to have time off from being all grown up and to revel in play time.
  14. The right to be responsible for our lives.
  15. The right to trust our intuition and instincts in deciding what is right for us.


After toasting our collective brilliance and sending off the document to the United Nations for instant Ratification, we realised, (go figure), that we actually have these rights already. There is no outside force that shapes our lives – it really does come from within. So what my sample women want is to give these rights to ourselves. What do you think?

Is this a free pass to self absorbed and selfish town? Absolutely not. Feeling secure and comfortable in your own skin results in the ability to accept you, people and circumstances as you/they are, to see choices and new opportunities open up and to have more to give to the people and things that matter the most to you. Amen to that sister!!!

by Dr Lucy Morley Williams June 2010. All rights reserved.

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