Halloween Dating: Haunted by you
This Halloween will be full of beastly apparitions which go bump in the night. But have you thought about the ghosts which still go bump in your heart?
Exes; we all have them. Whether they’re the one who got away, or the one you can’t believe you slept with, they’re part and parcel of dating life.
But are you still carrying the ghost of them with you when you start a new relationship? Here are a few clues that they may still be haunting you;
- You generalise a gender’s behaviour; ‘all toyboys are just after one thing’, ‘all cougars say I’m too young’
The human mind loves to make predictions for the present and future based on the past. It’s how we learn that an apple should taste kinda apple-ish, even if it’s a variety we’ve never tried before.
But people aren’t apples, they’re unique. And by expecting every man or woman to behave the way another has before, guess what? Your own behaviour will influence them, so they’ll meet those low expectations. Remember; no-one should pay for someone else’s mistake.
- You keep making comparisons
Is your new guy as witty as your last chap? Is your new lady as smart as your last companion? Do they treat you with the same level of attention and thoughtfulness as someone else you dated?
To a small extent, this can be helpful; if you have strong standards and values, it can be a fast way to see if someone new lives up to them and is worth pursuing. But if no-one can ever live up to your ex, it may be time to ask yourself; do they really deserve that pedestal? After all, if they were THAT great, you’d still be together .. right?
- You keep blaming other people
There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s the guys/gals who have the problem. They’re always the ones getting jealous, or angry, or needy; you’re fine.
To have one or two partners exhibit unwanted behaviour is one thing; to look back and see a pattern means looking at the only common denominator – you.
In short; if you keep doing what you’re always doing, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
- You refuse to move on
You still have their picture on the wall, and the gifts they bought you liberally scattered around your bedroom. You still talk about them, to friends and even new romantic prospects.
It may be sad, but it’s time to box up those trinkets and memories. Really. You’ll feel better. Plus, until you do, you’re not emotionally available to a special someone new with whom you’ll make fresh memories. Life’s made for living; even on Halloween.
This post was written by a Toyboy Warehouse community member.
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