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The Modern Guide To Textiquette

Textiquette (or text etiquette, for those who don’t like hastily thrown together abbreviations) is a beast – hard to grasp and even harder to tame, like the great white whale, or a particularly nefarious badger. But it’s something everyone who is in dating game needs a firm hand on, so here are a few tips to help all you fast fingered fiends lay off a bit, and maybe improve your chances.


Don’t just text the same old rubbish – Save ‘Hi, how are you?’ for your dear old granny, because it’s very boring. Everyone gets texts like that from their contacts every couple of months, but you don’t want to be a friend, you want to excite your prospective partner to the point that they’ll actually meet you in person! So instead of something bland try being witty, or failing that try being more interesting than the same conversation everyone has had with everyone they have ever met.


Don’t bombard them! –  Too many texts imply you have too much time and too few friends, you creeper. Limit it to strictly one text for every one they send you. People have lives; they’re often busy no matter how much they like you. If they get home and find fifteen texts detailing what a good time you had the other night, and several picture messages of wedding cakes (just for fun, of course) it’s going to seem a bit stalker-esque.


Achieve your goals early – If you’re texting to ask for a date it should probably take a few days of odd texting to ask, anything more than that is a bit too much. Save your actual conversation for when you go out in the real world, texts at an early stage are meant to be fun little flirty things, like passing notes in class. You want to know if they like you so just ask, then once you get on your date pull out your old origami fortune teller and use it to demand they do your bidding. (If you don’t remember those, you had no friends at school and you probably haven’t lived!)


Always end conversations early – Once you’ve said something funny or interesting and they’ve enjoyed it, for God’s sake leave! Most comedians leave on their best joke, and there’s a reason for it. The more time you talk to someone via text, the more chances there are of things being taken the wrong way, or of you saying something stupid. If you make your excuses and leave a conversation before you’ve prattled on for twenty minutes there’s a much better chance of your text buddy wanting to talk to you again.


All these tips should work as long as you can actually hold a conversation and don’t just say ‘I really fancy you! If I buy you dinner can I touch your face with my lips please’. Aside from that being my personal copyrighted chat up line, it probably won’t work. You can tell people how much you like them once you see them in person, so keep your idle hands busy with another hobby, such as knitting or the devil’s work.

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