So I popped back on TBW again to write you some blogs, or did I?  Having split up with my 35 year old boyfriend around Christmas maybe a lovely connection and a spring romance would be nice… The attention is a little overwhelming at times and then it occurred to me as message after message hit my inbox that you lovely boys out there might need just a little bit of guidance on what works and what doesn’t work to ensnare your lady.

I’ve noticed that most women on the site are very succinct about what they are looking for. So read what they say instead of just looking at the pretty pictures: they mean it! Take it for granted that generally speaking we are all independent, clever, experienced in all sorts of ways that you can only dream of, and gorgeous. So here we go.

• Hello Beautiful / Gorgeous or WOW usually gets my attention whereas…
• Hello Sexy!  gets me hitting the delete button.

I kind of know about the sexy side of things and the banality of the remark gets an instant delete. I require intelligent conversation and fun before any kind of physical contact gets mentioned. While we are on the subject, I don’t want pictures of you pinging on my “Whats App”, nor am I going to send you any.

• Why do you date younger men?  Doesn’t warrant a response, it’s boring. I have always been picked up and/or propositioned by younger men since I have been divorced. That’s why I am on this site, it’s not a novelty or a trial run – I enjoy your company, energy, ideas, and of course your beauty. Which brings me to… 
• Are you really 57?  Which is possibly the most stupid question of them all. Yes I am, yes my photos are recent, yes I look 35/40…so what!  I didn’t just add another twenty years to my age for fun or to puzzle you. Look at Marie Helvin, Jerry Hall, Susan Sarandon, Helen Mirren, they are probably more gorgeous now than they ever were. Good cheekbones and genes hurrah ! Delete, delete, delete.
• Gosh you are well maintained!  Ok this one is insulting enough to make me want to leave the site. It makes me feel like a dinosaur.  The fact that I have a body as good as most thirty year olds (I didn’t say that my last date did) is because I have been a professional athlete since I was very young, I use good moisturiser and I work at it.

So having got my attention, wheedled my phone number out of me and made a date, don’t then flake out and cancel it. It was a long and hard road to get there and if you live too far away or just can’t be bothered say so in the first place.    If you do want a date a phone call is a good idea followed by funny flirty texts, but not explicit in any way. A glimpse into your life and interests is great, the things you are passionate about but I know who I am so don’t think that my world is going to be easily rocked. I am perfectly happy with it thanks, I love it just the way it is, but good company, romance laughter and love are high on my list of priorities. I’m a romantic at heart, so in the true fashion of “courtly love” you may have to ride your white horse, kill the odd dragon and be an impeccable lover. The reason being boys is that like the shampoo ad:

“We are worth it”

Victoria Mosley is a poet, novelist and spoken word artist. For more from Victoria, check out The Red Dragon Bed, one of eight novels she has published.

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