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Learnt too late; what a failed marriage can teach lovers young and old

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage

Divorce. Many an older woman on Toyboy Warehouse has experienced one: many younger men may be the child of one.

It takes guts to see where you’ve failed, and self-awareness to understand what you could have done differently. Losing someone you love can be devastating.

It can be tough to find the lessons, but one man sat down and did just that. His article will ring bells for some of us ladies, who were lost in this way. 

So boys .. bear this hard-earned advice in mind for your future. In doing so, you may be spared from throwing away the best thing you ever had.


1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again.  You will constantly change. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not her job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 actions that make her feel loved and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself.

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share.

17. Never stop growing together… Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when team-mates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten your happiness. Love will always endure.

Edited from My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers


This post was written by a Toyboy Warehouse community member.

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