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How do you know if a toyboy really likes you?

“Attraction is not an option.”

Neil Strauss


In 2004 a US writer, published a book entitled “The Game – Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists”.  Neil Strauss was a self confessed ‘nerd’ and ‘useless’ when it came to talking with and attracting women.  He became a music journalist because he figured that finally after all the years of being the dweeb on the sidelines of the jocks and cheerleaders at school, he would have a chance to approach women and ‘get laid!’  It didn’t work.  Despite often being on the road with rock bands surrounded by ‘beautiful’ women…he still couldn’t talk with, let alone attract, any of them.

Then he was asked by his editor to write an article about pick up artists and his life changed drastically.  He discovered that the world of pick up is populated by the same ‘nerds’ and ‘dweebs’ that he thought he was.  They decided to find out what women are really attracted to and set about transforming themselves into various guises and personas to get the mythical ‘10s’ they had envied the jocks getting at high school.

Long story short, Strauss became an overnight sensation when “The Game” was published.  It charts his rise from shy introvert to his alter ego persona ‘Style’ who was voted “The No 1 Pick Up Artist” in the world.   If you want to know more detail then I would urge you to pick up a copy of the book and read it.

It received a lot of negative reaction and feedback from many female commentators and right-wing feminists who claimed that none of the routines or lines that Strauss talked about would work in the real world.  Yet having been exposed to a small section of this community myself in 2012, I can confidently say that the routines and lines that Strauss talks about do work.

And I found it equally fantastic and terrifying at the same time.

What’s the difference between a guy running lines on you and a guy who is genuinely interested in you?

This question is great as it cuts both ways of the gender divide.  Would you believe it if I told you that guys often ask ourselves the same sort of questions women do when it comes to dating?

We are all constantly trying to decode each other’s behaviour when on a date and it really does become a game of figuring out the cues that mean the difference between someone who likes you and someone who is just trying to get into your knickers or boxers.

So how do you know?

The guy who just runs lines is actually quite easy to identify as he will announce himself very strongly (he might dress loudly as well), talk at you rather than to you, and quickly change subjects at a fast pace because he fears losing your attention.  He might even walk away to attract your curiosity.  A classic example of line running also includes ‘negging’ – whereby we will reward you with a compliment before immediately taking the piss out of the same aspect that we just complimented you on.

The guy who is genuinely interested in you is harder to decipher as we react differently depending on the woman and the situation.  There are some commonalities which include stupid jokes, increased shyness or nervousness, overly loud laughter…but they are not universal.

Personal Experience

I’m an oddity according to my peers: I’m brutally honest.  If I want to kiss a woman I will just make a move and kiss her.  She’ll either reciprocate or she won’t.  If she does, great!  If she doesn’t then at least I know.  In either case I just carry on talking as if nothing has happened which makes me feel comfortable with success or rejection and her less awkward and highly complimented in either scenario.  If I want to have sex with a woman I will let her know very quickly, whether that be through body language or direct verbal communication (which I discovered sometimes works equally as well).

Feel free to judge, but I found the ‘art of seduction’ to be equally useful and worrying at the same time.  On the one hand, the initial line running gave me the confidence to overcome ‘approach anxiety’ – you have no idea how difficult it is for a lot of guys to approach a woman that we are attracted to in a bar/club/coffee shop or on the street.  Like you, we fear rejection.  Other benefits included not taking rejection personally – it’s not the end of the world when a woman isn’t attracted to you especially when you realise there are literally millions more out there.  I also met some genuinely decent blokes who like me, were just trying to overcome shyness and fear around women they were attracted to.

But there is a negative side to the seduction community.

It enables the nastier emotionally immature bloke to mislead women to just get laid.  They see seduction as purely a game where the man with the highest score wins.  I was comforted when I read Strauss’ own thoughts on these types of men.  He equated them to being obsessed with ‘power and control’ engaging in an almost revenge type scenario against all the women who had the audacity to reject them in the past.

I only have one word to describe those men: losers.

The lesson for men and women

I guess the lesson for men and women is this; we hold an awful lot of psychological power which can be used wisely or abused to negative effect. I would urge both men and women when dating to resist playing games and if you can, just be honest with yourselves and each other.

When I really like someone I usually veer from being brutally direct to making dumb jokes.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  Yet the one comfort I take from it in either scenario is that it is me, and not some line.

This blog was written by guest blogger and Toyboy Warehouse member John and is published as part of our 30 Blogs in 30 Days campaign.

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