Ask Tanya | Holy or Horny?
Okay, lets be honest here: what’s the first thing that runs through your mind when you meet someone? Is it ‘I wonder if he can cook?’ or ‘I wonder if he likes gardening?’ Of course it bloody well isn’t, everyone of us is guilty of looking at our dates and wondering:
- What they look like with their clothes off
- How big he is
- How big her breasts are (unless they’re already on view of course)
- How long before we get to bed
We are human, we have natural animal instincts; the man is a predator, the women prey – though that can also be reversed. Either way, our sexual instincts kick in when we see someone we really fancy regardless of whether it’s a quick fling or the start of a long romance. Don’t feel guilty for having those feelings, we all do but how we manage them is what makes the difference
I recently met a young guy; we’d spent a lovely day together and were staying at the same place. Yes, I did think exactly what I’ve just mentioned, but I also hoped that he wouldn’t suddenly pounce on me the minute we got near either his or my room because for me the thoughts are in my head, but in reality I still want to be treated as a lady. I still want to be respected for who I am and not seen merely as a way of filling time and satisfying a quick urge.
At my age, I feel I have earned the right to be respected and earned the right to decide how, and if, I develop anything further. Had it been 20 years ago maybe my hormones would have reacted in a very different way, but now it isn’t about that, it’s about me, the whole package. That’s not to say I’m a nun, far from it, but for me there is a time and place and a way of getting there. Suffice to say had he pounced, I would have been put off straight away and my early opinions of him as a gentleman would have vanished and been replaced by thoughts of a Neanderthal waste of space! Him not pouncing elevated his status to me and actually made me want to get to know him better. I wanted to know more about how he ticked, I didn’t suddenly think he didn’t fancy me – I knew he did inside, but he thought the same as me, if it had been the other way round and I’d made the move on him, his impression of me would have gone out of the window.
I enjoy sex as much as anyone else does, but being an older woman I have to contend with what nature throws upon me that most men, and certainly the younger ones, have little or no idea about or indeed how to deal with it. Stupid things like menopause, which arrives with very little warning and sets out to attack everything you’ve enjoyed like an amazingly high libido, which was the greatest shock albeit temporary. At one point, I wondered whether I had any hormones left, but actually all that had happened is that they took a short vacation and came back all refreshed and ready for action!
What I did notice as I got older though was how my energy and desire for sex changed and talking to many other women this is not uncommon. We talked previously about the strength of women and their attitudes to sex and demands in the bedroom in terms of control, but its not just about control.
Men and women are more open to things now that 30-years ago would be deemed freaky or just not normal for most people, but due to more and more exposure on the internet we have access to information and graphic pictures to help that curiosity is aroused even more. So when does it become freaky or weird and who determines if it is or not? No one has a right to judge anyone if it’s between consenting adults and I say what’s wrong with a little bondage if you enjoy it, it’s all role play.
Many couples love ‘golden showers’ and while it may not be for everyone, there are others who relish the pressure and the warmth it creates. For women, having it aimed at their clitoris can have a very stimulating effect and for men the sheer idea of a woman standing over them and peeing, taking control is energizing. Admittedly it’s not for everyone, but then we are not all the same and if we were, life would be boring
Oral too, whilst more common, it is not to everyone’s taste. There are givers and there are receivers, though in my experience women tend to give a lot more than men do – sorry guys, but usually that’s the case, though I do accept there are men who absolutely love giving and won’t stop until she orgasms, to those men I applaud you. What men want most women want too and the more two-way the better the experience.
The key thing here is to enjoy what suits you and your partner and to never stop discovering and finding out. I am happy to go into more detail on anything raised, so do please drop me a line if you’d like me to focus on anything in particular
In the meantime please send me your questions, I’m feeling lonely here!
Enjoy!
Tanya x
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