Ask Tanya | What’s in a Profile?
No doubt you’ll have spent your time scanning through the multitude of profiles appearing in your search box every week, but what is it that makes us stop and look and when we do what is we want to see?
Creating a profile can be one of the hardest things in the world, but it can also be one of the easiest depending how you approach it. Yes, the majority of us are drawn to people we fancy and despite what everyone says about that being shallow, it isn’t.
We are all drawn to different types so why are we penalised for it? Sure, there are men and women who will only consider tall dark and handsome or slim and beautiful from the perspective of being seen with someone everyone looks at, but that’s usually reserved for Hollywood. Even for the rest of us, looks do play a part when all you’ve got to go on is a photo. So, how do we create a profile someone will look at?
Where do you start?
First and foremost, remember this is about you, it is letting someone get to know you a little and giving them an idea as to whether you could be suited. For example, if you’re looking for a ‘friend with benefits’ and the profile states ‘looking for the love of my life’ it’s unlikely to work, so always be honest about what you’re looking for – it saves wasting everybody’s time
Writing about yourself can be really easy by merely giving a list of what you’re looking for, but that doesn’t really say a lot about you. However, lists can be good as a starting point. Write down what you like alongside what you don’t like about yourself , for example you may consider yourself a very generous person, but you can be really impatient with people who are always late – remember this is just a list, how you word it in your profile can be the difference between someone thinking you’re a clock watching impatient control freak to someone who merely likes being on time.
When you’ve compiled your list, put together the same for the qualities and attributes you admire and hope to find in the person you’re looking for and any deal breakers. By deal breakers I mean things you just wouldn’t be able to tolerate, for example smoking.
Once you’ve done this, you should see certain key points you’d like to tell people about yourself involving both positive and negative – though go easy on the negative, after all you are trying to find a date. Don’t scare them too much, but let them see you’re human. Don’t feel the need to go through everything you’ve listed, you can do that at a later date when you have made a connection, for now you just want to give a good overview. Below is an idea of the kind of thing I mean:
‘Hi, I’m a marketing manager working for a multi national company which specialises in beauty products, which I enjoy.
In my spare time I really love to spend my time outdoors whether that’s keeping fit by running or cycling or just enjoying the world around me on a long walk so whilst I enjoy staying in and watching a film on occasion, I’m not really much of a cosy night in kind of person.
I’m very much into health and fitness and would expect you to be too so not looking for a smoker or someone who doesn’t like to do any sport or fitness. I’m a very giving person, but as my work centres around deadlines I tend to find this follows through to my personal life so I’m always on time for everything and hope you’d be same – though I can be a flexible’
What this tells the reader is they are energetic and health conscious so straight away if you’re not into fitness, you smoke and like staying in its unlikely this will be a good match. On the other hand, if a relationship is not what you’re looking for, then quite simply say so:
‘Hi, before I go into too much detail, I need to say straight from the outset that I am not looking for a relationship, but looking for someone to have some fun with no strings attached. If this suits you, please read further’
Again, whilst we may not happy this is all they are looking for, it is honest and it is open – by being upfront it allows the reader to simply move on to the next.
Photos are pretty important but I’m amazed at how many people still rely on an old photo to draw people in! You’re not fooling anyone other than yourself. Deception is a pretty bad way to start any kind of relationship, though from what I’ve heard, some seem to think that after talking to each for some time, by the time they actually meet it won’t matter. It will!
Not only have you lied to them about a true photo, but what other lies have you told? That’s what I’d be thinking and quite frankly if I’d been speaking to someone for some time, arranged to meet and they turned out to be older and very different to what I expected, I would be pretty annoyed and probably wouldn’t stay and drive off!
The kind of photo you use will also determine who looks at your profile so guys in particular, think about what you want to be seen as. Putting a half naked, jeans just covering your manhood photo may sit better in Playboy rather than a dating site, but again it depends who you are trying to attract. If you’re looking for a relationship then most of the ladies who are looking for that too will probably simply pass you by assuming, as the photo suggests, you are just looking for fun. Think about what and how you want to project yourself and who you want to attract.
Ladies the same goes for you, if your profile photo is of your cleavage more than your face, your message could be misconstrued and you might miss out on some amazing people unless of course you are looking to attract a more casual relationship.
Height, now that’s a contentious issue. It’s said most women like a tall man, but truth is most women just want someone to look up to – that doesn’t mean you have to be 6’6” unless of course the woman in question is perhaps 6’ 2”, the key thing here is don’t lie about it! If you’re 5’ 5” in your cotton socks, say so, as the love of your life may only be 5’ – height is not something you guys can hide unless of course you intend on wearing stacked Cuban heels on your date!!
Weight, another contentious issue. Now I’m not saying you need to list your actual weight in a profile, but if you are a few stone over, putting an older photo on when you were slimmer is not going to do you any favours if you decide to meet. Remember people want to see you for who you are and be with you because of that so why mislead? There will always be men who prefer a slimmer figure and those who want curves, so whatever you are embrace it because the same can be said for women who look for slender muscular types and those who prefer someone cuddly and rounded.
Always, always be true to yourself, what one person hates, another loves. We don’t need to be anyone except the person we are because we are all beautiful in our own special way and someone will be glad you are. The world is not perfect, so don’t try to be because you already are. There is someone out there for all of us and like you all I’m still looking too!
Take care and happy dating!!
Love Tanya x