Can you handle it?
Not everyone’s right for us. Can you take rejection gracefully?
One of the good things about growing older and feeling more comfortable in one’s own skin is discovering the ability to say no.
Many of us ladies have been taught to be people-pleasers from the year dot; do you want to be loved, little girl? Then you’re going to have to be pretty, be NICE, be quiet and put others FIRST, little lady.
GOD it’s stifling. It’s enough to make you want to fall face-down into some Pinot Grigio and never get back up.
So there’s an incredible freedom in finally tuning into our gut feelings and acting on them once we hit the big 4-0. There’s a level of discernment about what we want, who we want to be and who we want in our lives which we’re finally able to access and act upon.
And yep; sometimes that self-same discernment is going to rule against you.
There’s no way to sugar-coat it; your multiple messages may fall on deaf ears. Your welter of winking will not catch her eye. Your avalanche of cards will fall through her digital letter box resolutely and unequivocally unopened.
It’ll feel damn unfair, I know. Why won’t she reply? Why won’t she just say ‘hi’? What the hell is wrong with her for not even checking out your profile? (Whisper it) what’s wrong with YOU?
Why won’t this potential love of your life/desired temporary receptacle for your bodily fluids RESPOND GOD DAMN IT?
Here’s the painful truth: You are not entitled to a woman’s attention.
Nope. You’re not. Nuh-huh. No matter how hot you find her, how horny you are or how grateful she should be, you’ve been sold a lie to expect it and we women have been sold a lie to comply. A lie an older woman just sighs at and exhales, “Oh, fuck that shit.”
I can’t speak for other women but I want someone who adds something beautiful to my already busy life, and it takes a hell of a lot to make the cut. I only want people who inspire mutual joy, who share a desire to grow and learn, and who are as equally generous and emotionally secure as I am.
I’m not looking for a quick fling or a physical fumble at the back of your nearest cocktail bar (sorry about that), so why waste my limited time on guys who appear demanding, immature, self-interested, attention-seeking or otherwise unattractive to my eyes? You may say I’m judging a book by its cover, and that that’s unfair; I say, in the era of high-quality smartphone cameras it’s easier than ever to have a better cover and even then, not everyone wants to read every book. Sorry.
(Face it; do YOU find every single woman attractive simply because she’s older than you? If so, son, you may have a condition *coughs*. For every hot MILF you’d like to F, there’s at least another in a slightly dubious boob tube who you’d turn your back on if she fell over drunk on the dance floor, right?)
I know, I know; rejection hurts. Science (clever science) has shown that social rejection makes the same bits of your brain light up as physical pain does. So if it ever feels like you’ve been kicked in the stomach, your brain pretty-much agrees that you have.
Take comfort in the fact that it happens to everyone (I’ve been knocked-back more times than those aforementioned Pinot Grigios); that it’s probably about them not than you (except when it’s TOTALLY about you, sorry about that, get a good friend to give you some honest feedback, bruv); and embrace it as a learning opportunity – if you’re getting a headache from banging your head against a brick wall, it’s nature’s way of suggesting you move along and try going through someone else’s door instead. Please?
We all experience rejection in our lives; not all of us are classy in how we handle it.