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Ask Tanya | No sex please, We’re old.

Over the years I have heard and experienced the breakup of many friends and colleagues. When asked the reasons why – aside from the usual compatibility or ‘growing apart’ issues; at some point sex has played a part. Reasons range from partners going off sex, unable to keep up with his demands, to just becoming bored in bed!

Admittedly, the ratio of men to women complaining about this leans more heavily towards men. Not necessarily that women don’t agree but because we are perhaps a little more accepting and less likely to air those views.

However, considering one of the reasons men (I say one before you all have a go at me) are generally attracted to older women is down to experience, confidence and knowledge across a spectrum of subjects, one of which happens to be sex could in fact come across as a little contradictory I think?

But it does raise a few questions:

‘Is the older woman better in the bedroom than her younger peers?’

‘Is she more knowledgeable and experienced where matters of the genitals are involved?’

‘Does she want a younger man just for the energy and stamina?’

Who the hell knows?!

I can hardly speak for all the more mature ladies out there, neither can I compare to the younger women of today. What I can say, in my experience, is that because of our confidence and life experience we inevitably will have gained an assurance of ourselves, which in turn equates to confidence in the bedroom.

That’s not to say we have tried every athletic position in the Karma Sutra (though I’m still trying LOL), nor that we have learned everything there is to know and are experts in the field. It means we have reached a stage in our lives where we are happy with ourselves and no longer feel we have to prove anything.

We are still learning, I am still learning and great sex isn’t just down to knowing all the positions off by heart or just being attentive to our lover with 5 minutes of oral before you can then expect 30 minutes back. It is about watching, listening and feeling. Understanding how our partners tick, what turns them on the most, how fast or slow, how hard or soft and what route to take to have the best orgasm ever.

None of this is taught and yes we might read a few books, watch a bit of porn here and there – or lots for some of us haha! Predominantly, great sex happens when both people connect, communicate and share. It isn’t about how many different things you do, or how extreme you go, it’s about what works for the two of you.

It doesn’t come down to the size of your penis or your age. I know couples that have great ‘straight’ sex and other couples who have great ‘extreme’ sex.

What makes a great lover is how you interact with your partner and you are only as great as the person you’re with. But, one thing that does come with maturity is that we have got to that stage in our lives where bringing pleasure doesn’t just derive from playing around with each others genitals, it comes from the understanding of that person’s body, how it feels from head to toe and how it reacts to our touch.

Youth comes with stamina and energy so generally based on quantity rather than quality because hormones are all over the place and constantly on edge and active, where as maturity brings more control over our bodies needs and consequently more based on quality over quantity.

Connect those two and what do you get? A sizzling combination!


Love Tanya xx

Over the course of the next few weeks, I will be going into the subject of sex in more detail, covering positions, different kinds of sex ie oral, anal etc. If you have any questions about anything, please do let me know. Your name will never be used in any article, only the question raised and I’ll do my best to answer. But please remember this is from my viewpoint, there is no right and wrong, it’s what suits you but I hope I can at least dispel a few myths or enlighten you.

I will also be attending the event night in London on 31st March at Mahiki so please feel free to come and find me to chat or discuss anything you like. I’m not shy and nothing shocks me so ladies and gents please do come over

Hope to see you there

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