Living in a Box
I was chatting to a friend yesterday. She is single and in rather a quandary about why. My conclusion was not that she was too fussy but that her type was too specific. She had a very small age window to negotiate around. She likes her men tall, dark and – yes, you’ve guessed it -handsome. What hope has the poor girl got? Must they play the mandolin and be fluent in Lithuanian too? My advice was to broaden the spectrum. I’m not suggesting she dates a dwarf or gasp…. marries a ginger (although again, I consider this to be a category grossly under-rated in the boyfriend department. Why I had a fine relationship with a ginge once, despite the high freckle count) – no. She just needs to think outside the box.
Our conversation led me to consider my own type. Why was I attracted to certain types of men and not others? It certainly wasn’t hair colour, taste in music, culinary preferences or dress sense for God knows they’ve been varied over the years. No the linking factor between the men that have meant anything to me in my life leads back to one thing – their sense of fun.
Men you want to get a date, get laid, get married – BE FUN.
Example if you will. A while back I dated a man, he was a decent sort of fellow and was particularly successful in his career, one which allowed him in fact to lead a pretty fulfilling and, should he want it, exciting life. We went for dinner on our first date which was lovely, conversation flowed we had a lot in common and he was handsome. I got excited.
Bingo! What could possibly go wrong? And then we arranged our second date. Would I like to come and watch a DVD with a bottle of wine at his house…? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting a private tour around the Royal Albert Hall followed by Dinner in Paris but really a DVD on a 2nd date? What next I wonder… an online tutorial about how to fill out your tax return form over a pint of cider? A trip to the Imperial War Museum? A day trying to visit every underground station on the tube map (actually hold that thought, could be quite fun with a hip flask and a deadline)??
Sadly he is not alone in his warped sense of what constitutes an entertaining night. I have often come across these strange creatures that consider DVD watching as a date option, have read their loathsome profiles online –
…I love nice restaurants especially a good curry, or a night on the tiles but am equally as happy to cuddle up with a good DVD and a bottle of red’
ARGGH!!! Get out of my inbox you boring man!
DVD’s? Red wine? Cuddles? This seems to be the online dating catch phrase for men, and says to me, at best, you have absolutely no originality what so ever to come up with something wittier and individual (and no, throwing the word ‘proverbial’ in doesn’t make it OK) or at worst, you genuinely do want to spend the night with a romcom and bottle of Beaujolais.
The concept of this riles me so much in fact that the last profile I wrote included the following – (I’d like to meet) ‘someone who doesn’t mention DVD’s in their profile, or red wine (in the context of DVD watching) or how much they love their dog.’
A little droll, a little harsh, but you know what, I have been dating for over 15 years; trust me when I say I’m in no mood for messing around anymore. Judging a book by its cover? A whole person on one paragraph? You bet I am.
And yet… and yet still they come thick and fast. Of course they vary slightly in structure ‘ I love a night in with a film and glass of something nice’, ‘Looking forward to getting cosy with a good box set’ but the message is still the same.
Tell me anything else. You like abseiling in Kilimanjaro, you’re in a synchronized swimming team at the Hackney lido, you’re the UK origami national champion, your idea of a perfect date is feeding the meerkats on a Monday morning at Whipsnade Zoo; anything but the dreaded bottle of red and DVD.
Needless to say I didn’t see Mr Box-Set again. I may have thrown away a potential partner for life but somehow I doubt it. A second date should be about going out, doing things, having fun – not about the 2nd series of 24 and a chicken madras.
Men the lesson is this – no woman, and yes I speak for the entire world, would rather watch the Godfather trilogy than be taken out for a nice meal and a fun date. No woman likes ‘The Office’ so much she would choose it over getting glammed up and whisked off somewhere exciting. DVDs should be reserved for hangovers or at least until you’ve been together long enough that you’ve got bugger all to say to each other anymore and can’t be arsed to book a table anywhere.
Life is short boys and good ladies scarce, treat them well and show them off. The iPlayer was invented for a reason. I suggest you start using it.
I am a freelance writer living in the heart of London navigating my way through the world of dating and blogging about the strange and plentiful pitfalls along the way! If you’re looking for minced words and sugar coating you might want to turn away now. Join me on my quest to understand men, dating, relationships and all the nonsense in between.
Follow me on twitter: @katy_red or catch me on my blog: http://all-sweetness-and-life.blogspot.com/
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