Ice-Breaking Over The Internet
So you have spent time trawling Toyboy Warehouse looking for that one person whose profile pics get your heart beat racing and whose bio has your tongue tripping lovingly over each syllable. Great news: you already know they’re single! All that’s left to do is send a message and say hello. Well… urm, now what? A whole quarter of relationships start through online dating, that means lots of first impressions being made digitally all the time. For better or for worse, you just can’t rely on being able to give someone “the look” anymore. You need to send a great message to break the ice. Here is how to make that first contact really work for you.
Use the information in their profile as a place to start. Luckily some of the hard work is done for you here as a profile tells you exactly what someone wants you to know about them. We’ve already used our keen admin eyes to weed out the undesirable few who think a profile full of explicit language and photos of their naughty-bits are going to have you weak at the knees. What’s left are several insights into the personality of each member; where are they from? What are they looking for? Find something in there that you connect with and create your starting point.
Play it cool, and I don’t mean treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen – this is just rudeness masquerading as dating advice. But don’t be tempted to lay it all out on the line either. Marriage, kids, the big picture, you might have it in mind but keep it in there for now. The same goes for dirty talk: it isn’t appropriate at first. Show an interest, act like a friend, but don’t act like you know everything about this person already and a bit of respect will go a long way. Confidence is key too, you might not have it and many who act as though they do really don’t. But fake it till you make it. Or, to quote Harvard social psychologist Amy Cuddy, ‘fake it till you become it’. ‘Cus no one knows if you’re normally a bit shy.
Grammar and spelling – and I’m mostly looking at you gentlemen! Not that men cannot also appreciate a perfectly grammatical sentence but a real lady simply isn’t amused ‘wen u type lyk this’. Fully formed language gives people the impression that you are intelligent, articulate and took a little time and care in composing your message. You know it makes sense.
Don’t be a downer. Here’s a real life first message that didn’t get a response: “You probably won’t answer this message, no one does.” I know, I know, your iPhone fell into the toilet last weekend and you have chronic athletes foot: life is full of these unglamorous moments and they only make us human, right? Right. Of course you deserve respect and love for who you are and not how well you hide it. But first you need to establish your mutual passions, what excites you, what gives you joy? Happiness is magnetic and we all have something to be happy about and appreciate. Perhaps you love to paint, travel, or maybe you cherish your family more than anything, choose to be known first for your triumphs and not for your mishaps.
Aim to make someone smile – it costs you nothing and you just might make someone’s day.