Get the latest from the blog:

Ask Tanya | ‘I’ve been deleted!’

Okay all of you who have put your profile on some other social media network or on a dating site and found, after chatting to someone for a little while, that you’ve either been deleted or unmatched? If you have then you’ll either have that sinking feeling of pure rejection or you’ll just look at it and think ‘Okay, time to move on’.

Truth is regardless of how tough we are, there’s nothing worse than being rejected unless you’re the one doing the rejecting. It hits us hard and right in the heart. We start to question what it was we did or said wrong, to cause the uncoupling, and find ourselves going over the last few texts or messages analyzing – when the truth is they just moved on to someone else.

Its happened to me too. I was on a dating app swiping madly away when I got my match and straightaway we started to chat. The messages carried on over the next few days, then a couple of weeks then all of a sudden gone! I couldn’t figure out why and I couldn’t go back to my messages to check what I’d said either, so I was really bewildered as I’d believed we were getting on well – then it struck me. I had given him my number to call me and persuaded him to call as, I don’t know about you but I can’t be doing with messaging forever; I like to hear a person’s voice then meet soon after, otherwise what’s the point, but it was after that message that he deleted me. Obviously talking or meeting me was not part of the plan

Truth is there is never a really honest answer as to why someone would suddenly delete you unless:

  1. they’re a scammer
  2. they’re married (very likely)
  3. they were also chatting to someone else who they preferred (very possible)

I think we can get too hung up on triviality, wasting our energy trying to work it out when quite simply it’s just human nature. The ones that are serious about meeting someone will meet and usually soon after chatting, if they get a good vibe, whilst the others that don’t are either serial daters or up to no good. The point here is not to waste your precious time – so many say in their profiles ‘life is too short’ and indeed it is.

I’ve known people perfectly healthy one minute then disabled overnight by a stroke and at one place I worked, someone didn’t come into work one morning and didn’t call in so as she was local they decided to pop round only to find that she’d dropped dead from an aneurism – so all time is precious time, don’t waste any of yours on past loves, the ones that were no good, the ones you just didn’t have any synergy with and especially those who deleted you.

We’ve become a throw away society where we can delete people at random or swipe them away to oblivion, we’ve become far more shallow, where looks count for much more than they ever used to and our requirements of the ‘perfect’ person grow by the day.

We have also become a more promiscuous society with porn available at the touch of a button. There’s no need to go into a shop, buy a magazine off the top shelf or sneak into a store having checked the surroundings before going in, getting our item and walking out again checking if there’s anyone around, our brown paper package tucked neatly under our arms. Now if we fancy a bit of naughtiness we only need to click on a website in the comfort of our own home and most of us at some point will do just that ☺

The world is huge and it’s full of new and interesting people so why wouldn’t you want to put your efforts into meeting them? I’ve been single now for 8 years and in that time have had only short term relationships for various reasons, but I don’t dwell on them. I always look forward and remain optimistic that, one day, it will all come together, but I’m also perfectly okay with my own company so I’ll never force it either.

What works for one may not be right for another but the main thing is to remember that deletion and un-matching is never personal and you have to ask yourself , do you also worry about it as much when you’re busily deleting and un matching too? I doubt it so try remembering that, the next time it happens to you. There’s no way anyone could truly know you from a few messages, but one day someone will take the time and effort to do just that so waft the deletions away, smile to yourself and say ‘their loss’ and move on to more delicious things in life.

Take care and happy dating!!

Love Tanya x

Get the latest from the blog: