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The Trials of a Dating Daddy

I’m a father. I’m a dater. I’m a pigeon-hole hater! (how very Steve Miller Band!)

Some background information:I have a son, who shall be 6 years young on Wednesday (at this age, age is anything but a number -how he and I differ so!!), he’s a glorious human being.  His mother and I broke up before we found out she was pregnant.  It was a strange situation to be in, she wanted to terminate my unborn son and I knew that airing my desire to keep him could very well bring about his demise – out of spite (she wasn’t in a good place at the time of the pregnancy). After taking a very careful and non-pressured approach, she came to the conclusion that having a child at a young aged (she was 19 and I was 21 when my son was born) isn’t the end of the world as people make it out to be. In fact au contraire; it gave me a new lease of life, and lust for my already jovial existence.

Anyway, I was at university when my son was born and my studies (in which I had already lost interest pre-pregnancy) took a backseat… fuck it, they weren’t even in the same vehicle! I spent loads of time with my boy which was, I believe, the greatest choice I have made in life thus far (after the decision to join TBW of course “hi Julia” *waves*)….Well I say choice like it was a conscious thing but I was drawn to my son in a way a non-parent may not be able to fathom. It is like finding the cure for everything you have ever felt pain for, in human form, and you just wish to protect and nurture it at every cost.

I had a long-term partner during the first few years of my sons life. It worked very well. That relationship met its conclusion just before he reached the age of 3. For this aforementioned partner, me being a parent was an issue due to the fact that my sons mum was an issue of sorts, and was partially the reason the relationship between us met its maker. She didn’t date me because I was a parent, but she did mention being around me and my son was sometimes a window into a part of me that was seldom seen but at other times was a reminder that my sons mum will always be part of my life. I appreciate how difficult it was for her and I know she is ready for anything life can throw at her.

So now I date. I take each person on merit.  I am aware that some women are drawn to the fact that I have a child, others are repelled – I have had women stop messaging me after I mention I have a son who I see often!  I used to believe (in the early days of fatherhood) that any admiration related to me being a father was shallow.  I have had women approach me in parks when with my son and I thought it was some form of ‘cute’ factor.  But someone the other day, a friend who I had a long-term sexually-fuelled relationship with, opened my eyes, suggesting that taking on the responsibility has given me an outlook with a unique twist.

She described me as wise and responsible beyond my years (for those who know me other than purely online, this will not be a shock, I hope!) but with an unquestionable urge to get the most fun out of life, no matter the cost. A contradiction that rings very true. I can’t speak on behalf of anyone but myself.  To me dating someone with kids has never been an issue of negativeness.  Often someone speaking of their offspring warms me to them in a way no other conversation really does. I feel my son has influenced the way I date. I am not in the slightest bit needy, I have had more than enough love thrown my way by my son to last me until I’m 103 years of age! I don’t desire to ‘own’ anyone, nor do I have desires to be ‘owned’ by another. I have plenty of time for folk who have plenty of time for themselves.

I have recently been told by a member of the site that there is no point in dating me as I never have a free weekend – that was lovely to hear after a good few weeks of conversation and more than a little desire to take things further! This cold-shoulder sparked me into writing this.  Her loss I say! So for anyone who has any desire to acquaint with me, I do have my son every Friday and Saturday night, he is a major part of my life, if this is an issue for you, be sweet and let me know as soon as you can, much appreciated! I have plenty of time for people who have plenty of time for me. I am alive 7 days a week, try it too – you just might like it!!

By Offlyner

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