5 Ways To Know If It’s Just Not Working Out
Every relationship will have it’s ups and downs. Sadly there comes a time for many when it looks like everything is going to end entirely. But there’s a big difference between a little hiccup and a full break up. Here are some signs that your relationship is seriously not working out and it might be time to move on.
1. You’ve stopped making plans for the future
Whether it’s looking for a property, booking a holiday in 2017 or just day-dreaming about the life you two might have together someday, talking about the future is more important than you think. When you’re happy together, there’s a tendency to talk big and that peters out a little when you’re not so happy.
However, if you’re finding yourselves hesitant to commit to any future plans together, even small social commitments in a couple of months for example, it could be a sign that things are coming to an end. If it’s you that won’t make any plans, ask yourself honestly why this is happening. Are you really unavailable at that time? If you just don’t feel like it, why is that? If it’s your partner, ask them why they’re unavailable but be prepared for the answer.
Find out more about this and other conversations you should be having with your partner on the Bustle blog: 9 Serious Conversations Every Couple Should Have
2. The two of you talk, rather than listen
A relationship involves both of you expressing your feelings but hopefully spending equal time listening too. Sometimes in life you find yourself co-existing with someone, rather than really sharing your lives together. One of the first signs of this is that you talk at each other, rather than listen and digest what each other is saying. Often a relationship will have one dominant partner who vocalises more, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore it if your partner seems more shut off than usual.
Ask yourself regularly, am I listening to my partner? Have I taken time to ask them about their day? Yes, I’m stressed about this situation at work, but what’s going on for him/her? If you find yourself in a position where you don’t really care about the answer to these questions, or think that your partner doesn’t, then you know there are some issues here.
More on the technique of listening in all our relationships How Important is Listening, Really?
3. The tone between you has changed two
When it comes to communicating with your partner, it’s not just the talking rather than listening that can speak volumes about you two. The tone of voice you use with your significant other can show signs of how you view each other. When we’re happy together our tone of voice is generally lighter and easier. Tone of voice and intonation is also a great indicator as to whether or not we’re really paying attention to our partners.
To work out if this is an issue in your relationship, you’ll first need to do some listening both to your lover and to yourself. Have you found yourself straining or forcing yourself to sound interested? Inevitably we can’t always be interested in what our partner says, but if your tone isn’t honest neither are you. What about your partner, are they always snapping at you and showing you disrespect? This can be a sign that things have started to disintegrate between you too and there are things to work on.
More on what what your voice says about you in Putting Your Best Voice Forward via Psychology Today.
4. You’re confiding in others more than each other
Even if all you really do is grunt at each other in a reassuring way, it’s important as a couple that you share some emotional understanding. If one or both of you is regularly looking for support in someone else, rather than each other, it’s not a good sign. Now I’m not for a moment doubting the importance of getting a third-party perspective and your friends’ support when you need it most. But it’s important that that person remains objective and doesn’t literally become the third party in your relationship.
Remember no one needs to be making decisions for you, don’t rush into a break up unless it’s something you’ve picked. Take others’ advice with a pinch of salt and then do what feels right.
Find out Is Your Relationship a Triangle?
5. One of you needs the other more
No one wants to feel like their partner is just another dependant with demands on their time. No one wants to feel like they aren’t needed by their loved one either. It’s a difficult balance and can fluctuate at times, but should generally reach a solid equilibrium of balanced needs, something that shouldn’t be confused with co-dependency which is unhealthy in its own way.
Expect to take each other for granted a little as your relationship goes on but if one of you is becoming the adult and the other the child then it may have gone too far. If you think this is the case, it’s important to address the subject honestly but sensitively. Does your partner depend on you for money? If so, encourage them to look for more money making opportunities. Are you emotionally dependent on your lover? Find a way to claw back a little self-dependence. You can do this by taking up a new hobby, discovering a new place to draw confidence from and better emotional strength will follow.
Do you think it’s even worse than this? Check out 5 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working and You’re Wasting Your Time via Elite Daily