Why I Only Date Men in Their 20s
Toy boys come in many shapes and sizes, but some of the younger ones find themselves left out on the shelf. Despite this, they often having the most to offer to women over 40.
Obviously I’m not talking about the run-of-the-mill 20s guy who’s constantly falling from bar to bedpost. He has his uses, but mostly just as the training model for the real thing. I mean the younger man who’s wise beyond his years but still just as hot as the rest of his smouldering peer group. Not necessarily because he’s got the biggest abs (though those do help), it’s his brain, his attitude and sense of adventure that make him sexy too.
Plenty of articles will claim the exact opposite to me, that choosing men a little older can do wonders for any woman. But the “reasons” often boil down to their increased blandness and somewhat out-dated aptitude at looking after older women. Yawn.
I’ve been dating men who are in their 20s for most of my adult life, not because I need a man who can take care of me, but because I simply wouldn’t consider men of any other age group. Here’s why:
He’s still learning – and so am I
It’s a secret all women know, we just don’t age the way men do. We never really get old, we get a few smile lines and the clock keeps ticking, but inside we’re still the same girls who love all the same things. So in our relationships, it’s not just that I am the leader and he learns from my experience. We do new things together.
The 20s man is ready to learn. He’s a magnet for new experiences and he’s ready to indulge his curiosity. And I want to be there to see what he discovers so we can do new things together.
His fun (unusual) ideas
My 20s boyfriend doesn’t take me to Nandos and we don’t spend our dates at the cinema or watching Coronation Street reruns in bed. He helps me find new independent restaurants, try tasty but healthy recipes and we’re more often than not checking out a live music venue or a quirky bar.
He’s not interested in a holiday in Ibiza (though no disrespect if that’s your kind of thing), his travel list includes Machu Picchu, Rome and Kathmandu.
He’s gorgeous
The 20s man is known for being at his hottest, but it’s not because he’s an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Sometimes the hottest men who we find the best chemistry with aren’t the ones we’d always expect. The buffest man is the quickest ego boost but finding a man you can respect, share dreams with and connect with deep down is the key to truly feeling lasting attraction and admiration for your partner.
It’s not just about quick gratification, but long-term attraction – he’s gorgeous inside and out.
Less stress
With the 20s man it’s not a stress about living arrangements, bringing up babies, and what colour my wedding dress is going to be. It’s all about now. We don’t always plan ahead of next weekend, but that doesn’t mean seeing each other is any less of a priority. We live day to day, and as an older woman that kind of spontaneity exactly suits my outlook.
It’s not lacking seriousness – This isn’t just a fling and can’t be dismissed as a learning experience. In fact it’s the most serious relationship he’s had. No we aren’t married, we don’t have kids, but isn’t it just as exciting to be together just because we want to be?
And he’s more independent than he’s given credit for
When we think of a 20s man, we often imagine a guy still living at home, happy to have his mother cleaning his pants for him and looking for a similar arrangement from us. The reality is, young men in the UK are very independent. Our society values independence more than ever and many young men are moving abroad, looking for their first homes, climbing the career ladder and thinking about the planet as much as themselves. Keep your eyes open for this kind of 20something guy.
If you’re interested, here’s how to find him:
You don’t have to feel like spotting the right younger man is finding a needle in a haystack. If you go to the most obvious places to pick up younger men will you inevitably leave with the wrong kind. Save the clubs for your next night out with the girls, and look elsewhere for a while.
Meet through shared interests – Try places that are a little less obvious, Mr Right might be in a coffee shop, he might be in a library, he might be a member of your local book group or hiking club. Approach the guy with the hottest profile pic if you want, but finding a shared interest might be the tip of the ice berg when uncovering chemistry.
Don’t be afraid to approach him – nice guys can be just as shy as nice girls. It doesn’t mean he will be tip-toeing around you for a long time, it just means he takes a little bit of time for you to get close to. Nice guys are less likely to bombard you with flirty pick-up lines, you might just have to come to him.
Don’t stop looking – often I find myself saying to women who are underwhelmed by younger men that the nice ones are there, it’s just the idiots who make themselves known first. There are lots of men in their 20s who want to find love and real commitment, but they get ignored because of the bad ones. So keep looking.
Look again at your resources – It’s the most obvious place on the list but also no less valid. Toyboy Warehouse is full of guys, some of which are just looking for hook-ups and some are looking for real, passionate relationships with older women. It sounds like an obvious thing to say, but these men are here, feeling overlooked because of every other meathead giving young men a bad name. Just give it a little patience. He might not be flexing his naked biceps in his photo, but he’s definitely there.
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