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An Interview with Treva Brandon Scharf – Dating Experts Month

Tell us about yourself. What makes you a dating/relationship expert?

I’m a first-time bride at 50, which means I dated half the planet, had a million boyfriends and breakups, survived singledom, and triumphed. Does it make me a dating and relationship expert? Not sure, but it definitely makes me an authority on the subject.

How does your approach differ from other experts?

I was a fitness professional before I became a life coach/dating coach, so I approach my clients like athletes. I motivate, inspire, discipline, and help them find their greatness within.

What are some of the biggest challenges/frustrations you see from the people you work with?

Clients who make excuses make me want to pull my hair out! Clients with victim mentality also frustrate me. My challenge is to work them through their fear and self-loathing, so they can feel empowered.

Member submitted question

I’m 49, female and recently divorced. I met my husband when I was a teenager so I’ve never really done the whole dating thing. Where do I start?

– Catherine, 49

Start by looking good, feeling good, fixing any old or lingering emotional issues, and getting yourself out there. In other words, make sure you’re “date ready.” Remember, any time you step out the door, is a chance to meet someone: the store, bank, cleaners, etc. Make sure you smile and make eye contact. Also, set up an online dating profile, and if you have difficulty, ask a friend for help. Dating is like riding a bike, you never forget how!

Tell us about some of the projects/books/events you’re currently working on/just completed

I just completed my self-help memoir, “Confessions of a Late Blooming Bride,” now I’m shopping it to agents and publishers. I also co-host a podcast with my husband Robby called “Done Being Single,” on the VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network. We cover all aspects of dating, being single, relationships, marriage, and finding love later in life. I also continue to impart wit and wisdom at my blog Finally, I work with clients as a life coach at

Do you find any patterns with respect to what women are attracted to? What are the main things women are looking for in a man?

Women are attracted to men who are decisive, respectful, and thoughtful. They don’t like game players or commitment-phobes. They want a man to be the man, to be direct and unafraid to show their affection or feelings. There’s nothing sexier than a man who knows who he is, and what he wants.

Do you find any patterns with respect to what men are attracted to? What are the main things men are looking for in a woman?

Most men like a strong, independent woman, but not ballbreakers or alpha females. Men are primal creatures, and still like the chase. A woman who’s self-confident and values herself, is very attractive.

Member submitted question

I’ve recently started an age-gap relationship with a woman who’s 15 years older than me. I haven’t told anyone about us yet and she’s getting annoyed, almost like I’m ashamed of her. I really like her but I just don’t know how my friends and family will react. What should I do?

– Marv, 30

If Marv has real, genuine feelings for his girlfriend, if he’s proud of her, and has good intentions about pursuing a future with her, then he shouldn’t be ashamed. If his family/friends disapprove, too bad. He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t have to hide who he is, or who he dates.

How can people connect with you on social? 

People can find me on Twitter @trevabme and Instagram @trevabme. My website is

Finally, what’s the one piece of advice you hold close to your heart?

My favorite piece of dating advice is my own: “Remember, you’re the prize, so may the best man win!”

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