The World’s Top 50 Sexologists Presents: The Essential Covid Love Guide – Part 1
In trying times such as these, who can blame us for wanting a little excitement!
The pandemic has made the world of love and sex a little more unusual, it can be difficult to navigate the do’s and don’ts. So we’ve enlisted the help of the world’s 50 top sexologists to bring you the The Essential Covid Love Guide.
Amanda Pasciucco
Tell us about yourself and your work?
Amanda Pasciucco (pronounced Pa-shoe-ko) is a catalyst for igniting passion within romantic and sexual relationships! Pronouns – She / Her. She is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, an AASECT Continuing Education Provider, and an AASECT Supervisor-in-Training who owns a group private practice of sex-positive and body-positive licensed clinicians in West Hartford, CT.
Amanda is a Latina, international coach & speaker who has been featured on CNN, PornHub, Playboy, Cosmopolitan, HuffPost, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Maxim, Daily Mail and more! Amanda has helped transform the intimate lives of those struggling with infertility, sexless relationships, low-desire, arousal, orgasm, and penetration problems.
Over the last 10 years, thousands of individuals and couples have transformed their sexual lives with Amanda’s help. Because of this success, she has become known as “The Sex Healer” by her clients and colleagues.
Member Questions
Since my partner and I have had to limit contact with each other since the pandemic hit, we’ve tried to keep our sex life afloat. We’ve been doing video calls, where we both touch ourselves. They’re fun, but I’m worried because my partner never “finishes”, he always suddenly stops the mood with a bad joke or saying he’s got to go and do something. Is this something I should be worried about, is he starting to get bored of me? – Anonymous, 38
It seems like it is time to discuss this with your boyfriend. Ask him to make time to talk about something you observe happening during your sexting video calls.
When you plan a time to talk – set at least 30 minutes aside uninterrupted – make sure you also lock the door to the room you are in so ensure privacy.
Then, consider asking your boyfriend if he is noticing a pattern during these calls (during a time where you are not in the middle of a video call touching yourselves). Utilize Nonviolent Communication strategies such as observations, stating your feelings, your needs, and then make a request.
Judgements and assumptions rarely get us the results we want in sexuality and pleasure.
Therefore, instead of coming at him with worry and fear that he is bored, I would make an observation like: I have noticed that when we our having sexy videocall dates, you are in a pattern of not orgasming. When that happens, a part of me feels confused because my need is to connect with you and ensure that you are feeling valued and connected to me through pleasure. I am wondering if you have noticed this pattern, and if there are ways that you think we can both feel valued and connected going forward that are mutually beneficial for both of us.
Any date ideas for a guy looking to ask someone out in the middle of a pandemic? – Martin, 22
Yes! Because we can’t meet people out in the world during the pandemic, social media is actually helpful for dating and date ideas.
- If you are online dating, and you find this person on social media or a dating profile…. Respond to something they have in their social media profile that you are direct messaging about. If they write about hiking… ask their favorite local place to hike.
- If you never met them, and you have a mutual friend or want to “cold message” them on social media, introduce yourself before friending them.
- “Hi I’m ____ from _______. I messaged you because you and I seem to have _____ as interests. I would like to get to know you more if you have time or willingness for that in your life.”
- To build safety with someone you are meeting online, or reconnecting with after a long time…
- “Would you like to FaceTime before meeting in person?”
- This helps with the awkwardness that may happen if you just show up without connecting first.
- Usually people will say yes, as they want to experience your energy
- Then, if you make it past these stages, an outdoor date is a good first option.
- Mini golfing or outdoor ice skating if the weather permits
- Going to outdoor meetup.com events with masks on
- Avoiding your usual first kiss moves and getting more intimately creative.
- Consider that depth of connection will intensify since everyone is somewhat contained and “trapped” in their homes now, so emotions are running high for most people. Fears about if you are positive for the virus may impend on your first date yet getting tested together if you have symptoms is something to consider.
- There is a lot of pleasure in heavy petting – yet be careful not to expose yourself if the room you are in isn’t ventilated.
Do you have projects coming soon we should keep an eye out for?
During 2020, I launched my webinar series. I have created webinar material for Male Performance Anxiety and Next Level Satisfaction for the Female O. In January 2021, I will be unveiling more webinars – including those on communication for adults and kinky sex for couples.
Shasta Townsend
Tell us about yourself and your work?
We’re Shasta Townsend and Ian Lavalley of 7 Star Love. We’re married holistic sex-perts and relationship consultants on a mission to help you — whether you’re single or a couple — create a potent pathway to sacred love.
Because monogamy doesn’t have to be monotony.
Using a powerful mix of neuroscience, sacred sex, Indigenous practices and Universal Laws, we’ve discovered how to create 7-Star Love: divinely delicious sex and a lasting, sizzling-hot connection that satisfies your soul. And we’ve helped hundreds of people enjoy 7-Star Love & Intimacy too. www.7starlove.com
Member Questions
All my female friends are married, I’m 52, single and perfectly happy for them, I’m also perfectly happy being single. However, I always feel like there’s a sense of judgement from them, that I’ve failed or I’m secretly miserable or something. Especially with Covid, they see me as lonely. How do I convince them I’m totally happy embracing my sexual freedom? – Anonymous, 52
Answer: You don’t.
You can’t convince someone of what is true for you. You just live your Truth and know it.
However, consider WHY it matters to you that your friends may have judgement, or better yet, stop tolerating it. Be bold and lovingly tell your friends that you are no longer open to talk about your love life if they can’t be supportive.
Tell them what support looks like. For example, “When you say X, I hear that as judgement. I’m curious about that. What’s going on? I know you love me, but that does NOT feel supportive.”
You are allowed and in fact encouraged to have boundaries with friends too. Boundaries create freedom and allow us to be fully expressed.
It’s the first night me and my new boyfriend are spending together. He’s almost 15 years my junior. I’m so nervous! How can I get over these nerves? I’m so worried he’s going to see me as an unattractive older woman. – Anonymous, 41
First, most of us have some level of nervousness when we have sex with a new partner the first time.
Consider, that this is just a natural part of moving to “the next level”, and that’s its new and unfamiliar, right now.
Second, understand that your mind tells you stories to keep you “safe” – that is out of the unfamiliar and unknown.
The story of being an “unattractive older woman” is just that – a story.
Is it one you want to tell yourself?
Consider the Truth – if you’ve gotten to the point that clothes are coming off, he clearly does NOT see you as an unattractive older woman.
Consider that your partner may feel just as nervous.
Consider that this COULD be the BEST SEX of your life.
Consider ACTING as if you are the hottest, sexiest, most confident “older woman” out there and he is blessed to be sleeping with you!
You can turn off the fearful mind and turn on the sexy, alluring switch. Go for it, and ENJOY yourself too 😉
Do you have projects coming soon we should keep an eye out for?
We are currently accepting select high achieving women who wish to work with us to embrace their sexual energy as THE power source to experience not just ecstatic orgasmic bliss, but also the source to 10X wealth, health and success. Embody the Alluring Woman archetype and take the path of potent Sacred Sex + 7 Star Love. Learn more at https://www.7starlove.com/work-with-us/
Sandra Larson
Tell us about yourself and your work?
Sandra is a nurse originally from Chicago but is now living in Cheyenne,
Wyoming, with her husband Tim, their two children, and two dogs. In 2016
she founded My Sex Toy Guide, where she and a team of experts give
relationship advice, write about LGBTQ topics and other topics
concerning sexuality and health.
Member Questions
I’ve been dating someone for a little while now and things have been going well, however us having to quarantine away from each other has started to take a strain on the relationship. My partner has suggested I move in with her, which would be great, the issue is she still lives with her elederly parents. Am I wrong to think this would be beyond awkward? Can we honestly engage in “adult behaviour” with her parents in the next room or should we resign ourselves to celibacy for the duration of my stay? – Anonymous, 29
Hello there,
Living at home with your parents is a normal thing, especially when
you’re in college or you’ve just finished school. Everyone’s
circumstances are different, and most people resort to cohabiting with
their parents to save up money and move out. Personally, I moved out a
few months after graduating and have never looked back. Of course, I
have friends who are 25+ years and still live in their childhood
bedroom.
So, I would advise that you get to know why she’s still living with her
parents. Is she in the middle of a job transition? Or maybe saving up to
move out? Is she ‘afraid’ to live away from her mom? Depending on the
reason, you can decide whether to move in or not. If she’s working on
something to move out eventually, then that’s okay because you’ll only
be around for a while? And even then, it helps to have a rough estimate
of when you should move from her parent’s house.
On the other hand, if your partner is afraid to move out and unable to
take care of herself, I wouldn’t recommend moving to her parents’ house.
Basically, if there’s no real plan on how you’re going to live by
yourself soon, don’t do it.
I’ve noticed I’ve been masturbating a lot more since the pandemic lockdown hit. How much is too much? – Carol
Hey Carol,
To start with, there are numerous benefits of masturbation, including
stress reduction, physical and mental wellbeing improvement, and sleep
quality enhancement. However, masturbation is considered excessive or
too much if it affects your relationships and everyday life. If it
causes you to miss school, work, important social events, or even skip
your daily activities, it’s too much, Carol. In such a scenario,
distract your mind by going for a walk, evening jog, or even reading a
journal.
Do you have projects coming soon we should keep an eye out for?
In 2021 Sandra will launch her own branded products. Keep an eye out!
Sandra Larson is a nurse, relationship expert, and the co-founder
of My Sex Toy Guide (https://www.mysextoyguide.com) — a hub for sexual
health and wellness content.
Megan Harrison
Tell us about yourself and your work?
Of course! I’m Megan, and I’m the founder of Couples Candy – a project that provides couples with information for happy and successful relationships. I like to write guides and blogs that offer helpful relationship advice. I’m currently living in Tampa, Florida, and offer my services as a marriage and family therapist. Aside from work, I love traveling and sports!
Member Questions
So, someone’s just asked me out on a socially distanced date, how in the world is that going to work? Help – Sarah, 35
Socially distanced dates have the potential to be fun and memorable. Furthermore, let’s not forget that what really makes a great date is the company you are with and the connection you build while getting to know one another. If you’d prefer not to go out for an outdoor stroll with your date, you can get creative with ideas! Try making cocktails together, or if you’re adventurous, something like paintballing! Remember, it’s all about having fun while being respectful of government guidelines.
My fiance and I have been spending a lot more time together since lockdown, we’re both working from home. I’m starting to think it’s taking a toll on our relationship, we’re becoming very stuck in our ways and habitual. How do we spice things up because I’m worried this could end our relationship if we’re not careful. – Anonymous, 49
Remaining indoors for lengthy periods of time presents enormous challenges. You are not alone by any means. Millions of couples around the world are struggling with the lockdown restrictions. But remember, relationships are also strengthened when met with significant challenges. I’d suggest trying to start showing compassion for one another, and taking small steps to rebuild your connection.
Arrange to spend more time together outside of your work schedules to try some new hobbies or activities. Exploring each other’s interests is a great way to show affection towards each other, and it might also lead to some new and fun experiences. It may not be your ideal type of entertainment, but why not give it a shot? It could strengthen your connection, and you might just like it! Sharing hobbies helps to break down a wall and allows you to gain deeper insights into each other’s passions. It also shows you are willing to compromise for each other.
Do you have projects coming soon we should keep an eye out for?
I’ll be continuing to publish more content on my blog! I’ve put together some recent articles such as how to give your man space. 2021 is shaping up to be a busy year, and I’ll also be putting together some more comprehensive guides like my guide to the Kama Sutra. So please feel free to keep an eye on it!
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