Space and The Final Frontier
It may not come as a surprise but the single biggest cause of divorce is, in fact, marriage. So what is it about this frequently destructive mechanism that has so many heading to their Solicitor? It may well have a lot to do with the feeling so many women have, that their needs are put to the bottom of the pile. There is not a lot of time allowed for being a good woman when you spend all day being a good wife and mother. I am not diminishing the importance of these roles but I am raising the importance of nurturing the woman you are.
Without the marriage, I found myself on very unfamiliar ground. In the limelight for the first time, as ‘leading lady ‘not ‘actress in a supporting role’, a position I have no intention of ever reversing….
Where does that leave me in terms of relationships? There is no doubt that, for me, chemistry leads the way. Once you find that, connection follows but not the joined at the hip, I have to see you every day kind! Denying yourself over-indulgence serves to enhance pleasure in my experience. Each encounter then becomes an exquisite feast from which you leave wanting more. The time between can be held together by a chain of texts, just enough to keep the connection. What this allows is for both of you to get on with your lives, to have a space to be together and a space to be alone. This way, familiarity never breeds contempt and the woman you are has an arena in which to shine.
I read an article recently about women’s libido and how it wanes in a long term relationship. I suspect these were live in relationships (the picking up pants from the bedroom floor kind that I have mentioned before). One of the common reasons for loss of libido is depression, what does this tell us about marriage? Maybe, to use an estate agent analogy, a detached relationship is a better investment than a semi? Maybe the space between, holds you together if the chemistry is there. I’m not looking for a father for my children, I’m looking for a lover who is all mine. In this context, I’m not seeing any waning of libido! In fact it’s quite the opposite. I have developed an almost academic interest in sex and love because what I feel I want isn’t something that has been identified.
Perhaps for all of you lovelies who find yourselves in the same exciting place as me, it should be discussed. I think our generation can redefine the options available to women. I don’t want to head back into something that is obviously flawed, I want to try a different way of loving someone. I want to continue to grow, not tread water.
I’m afraid I don’t agree with the feminist line about women having it all. There is no way I want it all…. I just want the best bits!!
By Three Wishes
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