Soft focus
Okay this onemight be about you for a change. Yes you. And possibly you too. And even you, although you’re shaking your head…
The other day there was an amusing discussion going on in my office about which of the Minogue sisters was the more attractive. Of course the general consensus was that Kylie had the vote over her younger sibling Danii (and I must admit I’ve always been a fan too, after all Jane resembled her, albeit she was infamously known as Kylie with a Kalashnikov). But then somebody said something interesting. He said, “but I actually prefer Danii.” “Well you would,” replied another. “I mean she looks more… well you know. Most blokes always go for that anyway.” Okay slight generalisation maybe but there’s probably something in that. My main point though is that it was all the female members in my office who’d given Kylie the nod. Thus my addendum to this particular point is that how women might judge both themselves and each other in the whole “what makes us attractive” stakes doesn’t always concur with the opinions that some of us chaps might have on the same subject. Am I stating the bleedin’ obvious here? Well yes, probably. And yet these things still go on. Women will still sometimes shake their heads in disbelief in the choice of “partner” a man might make or else dismiss as delusional the compliments he gives. So on that basis then it’s a point worth mentioning again. After all, it bears particular relevance to the increasing appeal of the older woman over her younger counterpart.
Why? Well one reason is what I’ve always called “the soft focus effect”. And by that I mean a favouring inner lens we all have the ability view through when we’re so inclined – although may I quickly add at this juncture I’m not including wearing beer goggles here! Anyway, the first time I really noticed this effect was whilst I was still a student. Now I’ve already told you about a certain girl I fell for during those days who’d hardly made an impression on me until we stole a coffee together, after which I started lugging about one hell of a torch for her. But perhaps a more “graphic” version of my theory occurred later on when I was doing my masters and said former obsession had long since departed the scene after graduation. It happened there was a fellow postgrad on my course who on first sight it would be fair to say you’d clock that her nose was, well to be polite, rather prominent – and hands up I was as much guilty of thinking that as anyone else. Then, one afternoon in the union bar after lectures I unexpectedly found myself lightly flirting with her (although do remember I wasn’t all that good at that type of thing in those days) whereupon I quickly discovered she was actually rather good fun. More than rather good fun in fact! Okay I’ll come clean. I fancied her big time. I mean she really wasn’t all that bad looking anyway but personality (which it soon became clear she possessed in all four suits) often plays the biggest part in switching the ratings from “not bad” to “sexy”. And of course once that happened with almost reverse Pinocchio-like magic her nose shrank! Well it didn’t really. But I never, ever noticed it again. The soft focus was well and truly on.
Look I could list numerous examples of this phenomenon (and I’m sure I’m not the only one who could either). For instance, someone I once met and well yes, slept with, was rather conscious about a scar she had in a certain place, courtesy of a past life threatening operation. But what she didn’t get from my perspective was that by the time our clothes were off, the chemistry between us was fizzing at such a level that I didn’t really notice something that was obviously way more than apparent to her. I mean I’m sorry but scar or no scar this woman’s body was absolutely gorgeous so I took far more notice that instead! Now yes of course I completely concede there always has to be a strong degree of physical attraction present for both parties to “get it together”. But seriously if a connection is made (however deep or shallow that connection is), then whatever your own perceived imperfections might be the view’s still much nicer than you probably realise.
It’s like how somebody told me recently they use botox just to get rid of a couple of apparent creases, something which staggered me because in my humble opinion that seemed so inconsequential to the sum of the “whole”. I mean who’s going to notice a couple if lines I thought, it’d probably be easier to spot a “Where’s Waldo”. But this brings me back to my original point. How you gels can sometimes be way more critical about yourselves, and each other, than we chaps will be about you (which isn’t to say we’re never cutting, cruel or derogatory too, but you get my drift). And don’t get me started on that “I’m getting too fat” malarkey either. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard women possessing the most feminine of curves conclude they’ve got to lose weight when I’m gaping at them in utter disbelief and thinking (to be frank), “What the f*** are you talking about!”
For the older woman this whole soft focus thing can be a big part of your allure. If you look good (whether you believe it or not) and have an aura of assurance about you that your younger counterparts have perhaps yet to assume (age of course being relative to the age of one’s admiring toyboy/toyman I hasten to add), then here’s what flips the likes of your truly into soft focus playback. I mean think about it. Haven’t women always said it takes more than just looks to make them fancy a guy? Okay admittedly we’re now in an age where there’s greater demand for a bloke to have what it takes physically too. And I’m the first one to confess that’s why I also changed my appearance as much as turned up the “confidence” volume in the first place. But essentially what I’m talking about is why one of the girls in my office can be oh so subtly bitchy about how another’s girl’s hair really doesn’t do her any favours but then in the same sentence next declare she really fancies Jimmy Nail over Brad Pitt. Now there’s soft focus in action!
Okay then, hopefully you’ve all got what I’ve been trying to illuminate here. So the next time your toyboy/toyman hasn’t noticed your change of hair, the fact you’ve lost an unnecessarily miniscule couple of pounds or bought that new jacket, don’t automatically generalise him with that “typical man” tarring brush. I’m not saying he shouldn’t appreciate or indeed be complimentary about the improvement, change or whatever it is you want to call it that you’ve made but trust me it’ll be your friends and rivals who’ll usually have the more arbitrary opinion. Sometimes us chaps care far more about High Definition only when it comes to our TVs…
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