Online dating throws up a lot of challenges, not least the question ‘What are you  looking for?’ Sometimes it feels like a trap…what happens if I’m honest and  inadvertently put someone off? On the other hand, it can be refreshingly freeing to  express exactly what you want. We all have different needs but ultimately you  would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t state what they were. 

Looking for a relationship is one option. Perhaps you are ready, perhaps you would  like a chance to love and be loved. For those who desire this, then it’s important to  express your boundaries and let the other person know what is acceptable to you. 

Another path is having your sexual needs met and naturally, there are many people  who would be happy to give you this; especially online. However, it can be hard for  a woman, even in today’s society to ask for this without feeling slut shamed. It can  be liberating to some who have a strong self esteem. But it is not something I  

would recommend if you have any confidence issues. 

Perhaps a middle ground is ‘something in between’. It has been called ‘friends  with benefits’ or more crudely ‘a fuck buddy’ but I prefer to call it ‘lovers’. The first  two work to a certain extent but lack fundamental elements. I believe when you  have a lover, it can include anything from sex and love to sex but with stronger  communication, connection and above all, respect. You may get your needs met  without putting pressure on another person and if these needs are established  from the beginning, then both partners are clear on what is expected. In traditional  relationships, this is quite rare but in the bdsm community, it is common. Likes and  dislikes are discussed in advance and trust and respect are essential to progress  the relationship, even in a play partner. 

In the end, there is a gorgeous, sexy menu we can choose from. Whether we opt  for a relationship, sex or something in between; personally, I like a stable of ponies, 

Written by Jo Stone

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