Meeting the Family
Last night was a hum dinger. Massive family party with Solid Boyfriend Potential (SBP). It was his brother and sister in law’s joint 50th and their son’s 21st. I met the entire family.
SBP looked really handsome. Having only ever seen him in date clothes, you know, jeans and a blazer or Barbour kinda thing, seeing him all dressed up in tartan trousers and tux jacket (no bow tie), I was like wow, rather gorgeous.
He came over early to help me pick out my outfit (in case you were wondering, I wore an all in one black strapless trouser/jumpsuit, my mothers solid gold HStern Cleopatra type chunky necklace and a devastating 1950’s jewelled black velvet handbag with tiger’s eyes encrusted on it). It was quite simply jaw droppingly fabulous. I could not have been more elegant, understatedly perfectly turned out if I had wanted to be. By the time we walked out the door, he was beaming with pride.
And when I say it was a massive family party I mean it; it was all of them. His mother had 6 children of her own and then has 4 step children for starters. He drew me a little family tree before we got there which we went over as I put on my makeup.
How did it go? Well, his mother and I adored each other from the get go. His step father a fairly distant character (Eton I am guessing) had a good handshake and I gave one back. Nice smile, great bow tie. His sisters were all very welcoming His brother in laws were really wild bohemian actors/directors/writers that were smoking God alone knows what on the pavement outside….
It was a great night.
So easy.
All the things I have done for the last 10 years came flooding back. It was like we were already married in some ways. As I said a few months ago, I do good wife. I also do good in-law wooing. The entire family was tickled pink with my arrival on the scene. His mother was like, now when are you coming to Sunday lunch darling, I cannot wait to see you again.
Did they care that I was divorced and had two kids? Nope, all they cared about was that their son looked happy. SBP flung me around the room reeling all night long and we ate obscene amounts of mouth-wateringly moorish haggis.
Then around midnight the party wound up and we walked home to my place and I knew he was expecting it to be ‘the night.’
And I couldn’t.
I just couldn’t.
Like Tennis Toyboy from this summer, SBP ticks every single box and then some. He is from a very good and very wealthy family. He lives in Notting Hill. He goes shooting. He plays tennis. His family have a chalet in Chamonix. He goes to Annabel’s a lot. He is easy to be around. He is house trained.
He is everything I am supposed to want. Except, there is zero chemistry. Zip. Nada. Nadoo.
At least in the early days that is one thing Mr. Magnolia and I did have.
Tons and tons and tons of it.
We would shag each other just before dinner was served at his mum’s house. He bent me over the kitchen counter one night after everyone had gone to bed and I swear his mum’s lurcher was embarrassed for days. He couldn’t look us in the eye.
We could not keep our hands off one another and it was glorious. It lasted a long time, probably a good ten years. Divorced or not, we had something once upon a time, we really did.
And if it ain’t there it just ain’t in my book.
Sitting on my sofa a bit crest fallen, SBP says, you don’t fancy me do you? It broke my heart a little but I had to be honest because actually I care about the guy. And bless his cotton socks, he said, well I’ll wait until you are ready. We’re gonna be friends and I am going to wait. Poppet. We had a huge cuddle on the sofa and after a while of just being quiet together he went home.
The next day the boys came back from their Dad’s in the evening ready for bed. I had had a pretty domestic day reading the papers, folding laundry and just mooching about. Feeling a little sad about SBP but knowing I had done the right thing.
Thinking about all of this and putting the baby (yes, ya’ll I know he’s almost six, but he will always be my baby) to bed, I started to reading him the last chapter of ‘Astrosaurus Academy.’
(For those of you who don’t know these books it is about a group of plant eating dinosaurs that are astronauts. This particular book is all about the Astrosaurs when they are in training. They crash land their spaceship on planet Isissia, the northern most tip of the Astrosaur universe. The crash landing causes an avalanche and they soon find themselves surrounded by a nest of giant hypnotised spiders.)
Yes, of course it made me think of my favourite dinosaur.
See a few weeks into dating SBP I deleted T-Rex’s number from my mobile.
I also deleted every single email we had sent to one another over the last year. I lost count after a hundred. I had to stop reading them and just hit delete over and over again. I deleted him from all of my email contacts (hotmail, Outlook, etc, my Blackberry).
Everywhere I could find him, I deleted him. I really wanted to give SBP a chance and that was the only way I could think of.
Those few months ago when I so delicately told him to ‘grow a pair’ its been radio silence. I think we have spoken once very, very briefly.
The day before New Year’s Eve, from Australia apparently, he sends a text saying he’s been thinking about me. Thank God he signed his name or I wouldn’t have known who it was from.
I texted my best girlfriend and The Toyboy (I am so glad he is back in my life, I missed him!), what do ya’ll think, be honest.
Best girlfriend said he’d had a fight with Solid Wifely Potential and a blonde had rejected him in a bar. The Toyboy said, he might be thinking of growing a pair, but not just yet.
My money is on both of them being right and God I am annoyed. Why did he bloody have to text me?!?
And tonight reading about the Astrosaurs saving their spaceship and planet Isissia from the Raptors (meat eating dinosaurs), after having come clean with SBP and having met his family and all that, no matter hell fire sure I am that the T-Rex and I could build a spectacular life together (oh and have obscene amounts of sex and be one of those sickening couples you read about that has it two, no four times a day everyday … Lord I cannot believe I am never gonna shag that man, dammit, dammit, dammit), I realise there is still nothing to do or say to the T-Rex.
Doesn’t matter where in the world he is thinking about me.
Until he comes to my front door and says, close your eyes and put out your hands….then, he takes them in his and puts them under his balls and kisses me … there is nothing I can do.
So, I have been keeping busy and have had SBP on the scene. Although he and I weren’t exclusive, I have been trying not to go out on too many dates because I wanted to give it a real chance.
But last week I did go on a date. I didn’t mean to, honest to God I didn’t. Heck I almost didn’t because of SBP and the big party coming up and meeting his family and all that.
Great googamooga. Ok, it wasn’t love at first sight like with the T-Rex, but whatever it was, I want some more.
And then some more.
And then a bit more.
And then a bit more.
And then I might just have to let him to take me somewhere cosy for the weekend with a big bed and a fireplace and good room service.
We had our second date last night. He called and we were both like, er, what about tonight?
We went for a slutty trashy Chinese and an ice cream afterwards. He walked me home despite the fact that his motorcycle was parked in the middle of town.
How I didn’t pull him into my flat after a few excellent smokey ice cream black coffee kisses, I do not know. Whoever said there are no such things as miracles is W, R, O, N, G, wrong.
Yep, this one is going to give the ridiculously sexy, warm, gorgeous, generous, handsome, totally basically divine in everyway but infuriatingly (gorgeous, did I mention gorgeous?) stubborn T-Rex one helluva run for his money.
Its about damn time.
And you know, I’m ready.
Ms. Magnolia
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