Meeting the children
My boyfriends have always been younger than me……..a lot younger, and the present incarnation is 24 years younger than me. This makes him the same age as my eldest son, younger than my daughter’s boyfriend and a cool playmate for my 14 year old!
I never meant it to happen this way, but the children don’t mind, quite the contrary. My eldest son and his girlfriend call me, ‘the poetry fairy’ and are happy if it makes me happy, my little boy is always saying how he thinks my boyfriends are ‘just the best’. In fact he boasts to his father, (my ex husband of 17 years) about what a good cook my boyfriend is.
Oh and my ex husband likes him too, just to keep it in the family.
So the problems, the niggling little doubts, were in my head, even though my father dated younger women, and my mother had a Japanese lover 25 years younger than she was.
Last w/e I invited my daughter and her boyfriend down to see my new horse in Kent. For my daughter insert here, 5’10 Hollywood 1940’s film star with 24 ‘’ waist dressed appropriately in vintage, with a BA in illustration and her boyfriend, 6’7’’ marketing executive for Adidas. Looking at her at least I think I did something right in my life!! They live together and she is planning the fairytale wedding……..
They turned up in a top of the range Audi estate with 16 miles on the clock, (a work car apparently) and I hopped in the back feeling a bit like the movie Driving Miss Daisy, then it hit me. My daughter’s boyfriend is the same age as mine, has a better job, is probably better educated, and more reliable. He is also stunning, although we have never fancied the same type of man and keep our boundaries very clear.
Was she embarrassed by me?
We had a lovely day and later when I got her alone I popped her questions that had been churning in my brain all day.
Me. Darling do I embarrass you?
Her. No Mum if you did I would tell you, I’m very proud of you silly.
Me. Do you mind that my boyfriend is the same age as yours?
Her. No Mum as long as he makes you happy and keeps it in his pants when you aren’t around!
So that is that really, at least she is ok with it although we don’t all go out together or anything. I wouldn’t do that to my children whatever the age of my boyfriend.
Added to which he is really good with my teenage son, well being so close in age he can remember what it was like and can actually talk the same language. Also when he was 14 he was a lot worse, being admitted to the local hospital for alcohol poisoning! A small comfort for me living with a teenager who wants to be the next Banksy in this knife happy city.
For all you ladies out there worried about what your children might think, I say if you are serious about the boy, go for it and tell the truth. This is the first younger man I have introduced to my family, contrary to popular belief that I am a man eater, I’m actually very picky and have only had one other serious boyfriend since I got divorced ten years ago.
If you’re on a flirt and a fling keep it to yourself, but if you love someone, share it with your children. If you’ve brought them up to be as honest and fantastic as you are, do them the courtesy of respecting that. Younger men, older women relationships are as old as time, they were doing it back there in Mesopotamia 3000 years ago, and some Eastern Civilisations have built their culture around it.
Victoria Mosley (Siren Song) has two collections of poetry available from Amazon .co.uk The Dry Season (1998) Crazy Love (2002) and a cd downloadable from www.gargeband.com/artist/sublimes . She is currently working on a novel, ‘The Next Best Thing’.
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