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An Interview with Georgie Wolf – Dating Experts Month

Tell us about yourself. What makes you a dating/relationship expert?

Hi, I’m Georgie! I’m an Aussie escort, writer, and online dating enthusiast. My job as a sex worker has taught me some useful skills for connecting with others and having incredible sex. In the eight years I’ve worked as an escort, I’ve also learned to be a better lover for the people I hook up with in my own time.

I run workshops in ethical hook-ups and produce a sex-ed podcast. I also have a book launching in September of this year. Basically, I’m finding lots of ways to teach essential sex skills to as many people as possible. It’s something almost all of us can benefit from!

How does your approach differ from other experts?

It’s hard being an expert – there’s so much pressure to be ‘right.’ Experts sometimes stick with facts and figures rather than talking about their own experiences, because they know that, when it comes to sex, the smallest mistake will be criticised. But I think that admitting to our mistakes is necessary. I’m not perfect – I’ve screwed up more times than I can count! I’m socially awkward. I’ve hurt other people. But I’m determined to own up to it.

We’re all just doing our best. The sooner we can all admit to our mistakes and anxieties, the sooner we can get on with becoming better. If I can learn to be a better person, then so can you.

What are some of the biggest challenges/frustrations you see from the people you work with?

Sex and dating can be difficult for everyone. We’re not used to talking about it, and we’re scared to get it wrong. Sometime this means that people won’t even turn up to a hook-ups class in the first place, because they think it means admitting that they’re not good enough.

Teaching people that they don’t have to be perfect is the biggest challenge. We’re all weird, awkward, and scared sometimes. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can relax and start focusing on your dates – this leads to a much better experience.

Member submitted question

I’m 49, female and recently divorced. I met my husband when I was a teenager, so I’ve never really done the whole dating thing. Where do I start?

– Catherine, 49

 

It can be nerve-wracking getting back into the dating game after a divorce! I’ve met a lot of people through my workshops who are experimenting with online dating after a long relationship – sometimes this way of meeting people is completely new to them, and they have no idea how to begin!

It’s important to go at your own pace. You might not be ready to go straight into your next relationship, but there’s nothing wrong with practice. And the best practice is done one step at a time. Your first step could be setting up an online dating profile, or it could be making more new friends at social events. 

Practice talking with strangers for a while, before you ask anyone on a date. Practice chatting online, but don’t put pressure on yourself to meet your matches in person. Perhaps you’d like to go on a few dates or have a few coffees with potential partners but hold back from physical intimacy until you feel ready. It’s all about what you want, and how you’d like to proceed.

Don’t be afraid to be honest about your situation. Some of the language and social customs around dating may have changed, since you were last single. But one thing DOESN’T change, and that’s your right to be treated with respect. If your date doesn’t take your needs and feelings seriously, you’re allowed to walk away.

Tell us about some of the projects/books/events you’re currently working on/just completed

My book ‘The Art of the Hook-Up’ launches on the 17th of September. It’s a practical guide to ethical sex and online dating, for all ages and genders. I’ve included tons of sexy anecdotes from my work and personal life and explained the skills that have helped me have incredible sex.

If your sex life needs a boost, I’d highly recommend the book! It’s available on pre-order from Amazon.

Do you find any patterns with respect to what women are attracted to? What are the main things women are looking for in a man?

Do you find any patterns with respect to what men are attracted to? What are the main things men are looking for in a woman?

When it comes to ‘what men want’ and ‘what women want,’ I don’t like to generalise. I think we spend a lot of time making assumptions about how people will behave, based solely on what they have in their pants – and it’s not always helpful. The truth is, everyone is different. Some men love going to the ballet and long cuddling sessions. Some women love watching porn and aren’t looking for a relationship. The same goes for attraction – we’re all drawn to different types of people, different bodies, different personalities. It’s very hard to guess what someone wants just by looking at them.

When we rely on stereotypes, we don’t see the actual person in front of us. If you’re trying to work out what your partner needs or wants, the best way to find out is to simply ask. It shows a lot of respect – and taking an interest in your date as a human being can often make you REALLY attractive, no matter what your gender.

Member submitted question

I’ve recently started an age-gap relationship with a woman who’s 15 years older than me. I haven’t told anyone about us yet and she’s getting annoyed, almost like I’m ashamed of her. I really like her but I just don’t know how my friends and family will react. What should I do?

– Marv, 30

 

As a sex worker, I’m quite familiar with this situation. It’s always difficult working out how to ‘come out’ as an escort to someone I’m dating, and they often worry about what their friends and family will think. It can feel hurtful, having someone you care about try and hide you away simply because they’re afraid of an awkward conversation.

Nobody enjoys difficult discussions. But we often make things worse by putting them off and treating the whole issue as though it’s a big deal. Then, when we finally break the news, the people around us feel as though it SHOULD be a drama, simply because we’ve been acting so secretively.

If you make as little fuss as possible, there’s a chance you’ll get a better reaction from friends and family. It’s the ‘no big deal’ attitude: ‘Hey family, meet my partner. We’re not the same age, but who cares?’

You can’t control how other people respond, but you can lead them in the right direction. And even if they do give you a hard time, would you rather face your friends and family, or lose your girlfriend? At some point, you’re going to have to choose – you may as well do it now, rather than making your partner feel like a dirty secret.

How can people connect with you on social?

You can find me on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook

Finally, what’s the one piece of advice you hold close to your heart?

When it comes to sex and dating, we’re all winging it – nobody has all the answers. If you’re doing your best to treat the people you meet (and shag) with respect, you’re doing a great. Take it one step at a time, don’t be afraid to learn more, and keep practising. That’s how a real sexpert does it!

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