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Alternative Valentine's

Dreading VD?

Valentine’s Day isn’t a day that should be dreaded. As a single person, it should be one that is embraced!

It is the month of love. Who better to solve your relationship woes than Katy Horwood and Suze Nowak?

My girlfriend dumped me in November after being together for 3 years because she met somebody else, and I’m really dreading Valentine’s day. We always used to do something special and I can’t bear imagining her with her new boyfriend when I am on my own. I want to move on but don’t know how to especially when I’m surrounded by happy couples, Valentine’s day cards and red roses!

Please help.

Broken-hearted, Hammersmith.


Dear Broken-hearted,

There is no denying it can be tough to be without a ladylove on the most significant romantic day of the year and naturally, if you decide to spend February 14th in a Pizza Express, walking along the Thames on your own or sitting in the back row of the cinema watching the latest Jennifer Aniston Rom-Com alone, then you should expect to feel a little rotten about your situation. But why would you do that?

Here’s a radical thought; don’t!

Valentine’s isn’t a day that should be dreaded; as a single person it should be one that is embraced and celebrated. It is after all, the only day in the year when you can go into a bar safe in the knowledge that, give or take, everyone in there is single and up for it. London turns into one big singles night and what could be better than that?

So your ex is staring dreamily into her new boyfriend’s eyes over a mixed mezze for 2, so what? Take this opportunity to make a fresh start, dust yourself down and get back out there. I, for one, will not be grieving the fact that I’m not being bought a rose for a fiver or being serenaded by a 5 piece Kosovo flamenco orchestra outside a pizza/pasta restaurant on Great Tichfield Street (you know who you are). Instead I have every intention of going out and getting steaming drunk amidst other normal folk who don’t feel they suddenly need to start booking a ‘swanky’ restaurant (also known as ‘the one they would never normally be seen dead in but everywhere else is booked up because you left it too late again and paying double the price for a set menu and complimentary glass of ‘Champagne’ because Hallmark said so)’, as should you.

Before you write me off as a bitter old spinster, let me make one thing clear. I am not against romance per se. By all means, send the girl from HR you’ve fancied for ages an anonymous love note declaring your deep burning passion and immeasurable lust for her, or even better, march right up to her on any day of the year (hey, let’s spread this soppy shite across the whole year, romantic manure fertilising the months one and all!) and ask her if she fancies a drink sometime soon. Rest assured it is this which will make you attractive; nay nothing sexier than confidence after all, not a padded card with a picture of two cuddly bears making out on it.

No, it is more people’s fear of being alone that confuses me. ‘Boo hoo I haven’t got a girlfriend, I’m all alone, nobody loves me.’ Oh, man up! We’re all alone at the end of the day; it’s just that some disguise it better than others on the journey there. If you are still feeling depressed bout the imminent day of doom may I suggest that you read the inside of a few Valentine’s Day cards to heal your ever bleeding heart.

If you were my valentine I’d search the endless skies to find the perfect starlight that would complement your eyes and keep it in a wishing well created just for you and filled with my desires to make all your dreams come true.


You know I’ll always love you, you know it’s always true and every time I write these words I’ll only think of you.


Or how about this corker –

We don’t agree on much,
In fact we rarely agree at all,
We fight all the time,
And challenge each other every day
But in spite of our differences,
We have one thing in common,
We’re crazy about each other.

Man alive! Who said romance was dead? They could have at least made it rhyme; even I could do better than that –

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
Normally I effing hate you, but hey it’s Valentine’s Day
So I’m going to pretend for 24 hours that I don’t fantasize about stabbing your eye out with a blunt fork.

Bottom line being; the key to surviving St Hallmark’s Day is really quite simple. Get your head down, go out with your mates and take full advantage of the fact that it’s one big free for all and you have more chance of getting your sorry arse laid then than any other day of the year. So you don’t have anyone to skip along the South Bank with. So what? You’re taking the proverbial bull by the horns and getting back out there and that’s got to be worth a smile.

Written for Gridlock magazine by Katy Horwood

You could also sign up to Toyboy Warehouse and solve your singledom dilemma that way!

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