Ask The Experts: ‘My boyfriend is 16 years younger than me, will this work?’
Our resident dating expert, Gaynor Evans, is back with another insightful Ask the Experts series. This time Gaynor is taking on a question from Janet in Darlington. Janet is dating a younger man, 16 years her junior to be exact. Things are going well but she’s wondering if things will inevitably fail because she’s in an age-gap relationship.
Find out the answer to Janet’s burning question on this instalment of Ask the Experts.
Comments
Dana
Hi, my name is Dana. I was married for a total of 25 yrs and was dead set against age gap relationships, but all that changed 4 yrs ago…after my divorce I met a very young man…the age gap was 19yrs but I was flabbergasted at the level of maturity, vision and intelligence about him. It was beyond me how a man much younger than my two previous married partners …understood me and was attentive to my every need and I am not talking sexually, just the whole overall man/woman relationship thing. My problem is, I lost my friends and the respect of my church and some families. I felt isolated and although my kids are perfectly fine with the relationship, I can’t help but think they are embarrassed when their friends ask about it. I ended the relationship some months ago because he lost his family too over it and a place in his family business…I felt so guilty so I had to put my feelings aside and let him go. How do one deal with a situation like mine?
Gaynor Evans
Hi Dana
I am very sorry to hear your sad story, which unfortunately is all too common. First you had to deal with a divorce after a long marriage and then having found a great relationship you have to deal with other people’s small mindedness. It is true to say that age-gap relationships are still frowned upon (Although we are doing all we can at Toyboywarehouse to change this perception) It is very hard to be happy in a relationship when you can feel the disapproval of those around you. That said the question you need to ask yourself is would real friends and family impose their opinions in such a way that you felt you couldn’t continue with a relationship that made you happy. As for the Church I am appalled! ( isn’t there something about “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” ). The main people in your life your children had the right idea and I’m sure had you stood your ground and weathered the storm they would have accepted the situation.
If the young man in question has accepted the end of the relationship without question then you have no other option but to put it all down to experience and move on.
At the end of the day Dana it is YOUR life and you should be able to date who you want to irregardless of age or any other factors. Times are changing and the model of what’s considered normal is changing with it. Lets hope that soon we can all be allowed to do what makes us happy. I hope that your age gap relationship bought you great joy and you have that to remember and hold on to. Better to have loved and lost… . Please don’t let this put you off dating whomever you want to in the future and if people comment or judge tell them to mind their own bloody business!! Good luck
kind regards
Gaynor
I
PreviewIndustries
Sorry to hear all.. Life is so hard sometimes
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kaine
Hi my name is Kaine, and my question is i am a young 19 year old male who is looking to find a older women but i am having no luck am i too young or do i not connect with them i have trouble even being noticed by these women and i think i would be a perfect fit as i am very mature and down to earth for my age and feel i do not connect with my generation because of my upbringing is there anything i can do to help me get more noticed?
Kind Regards,
Kaine