AnnaR’s Dating Rules for Birds
After working extensively in the field for several years, I’ve clarified my experience into the following:
1) Work out what it is YOU want from the boy and be honest with yourself and him. If you want to go out with him, don’t pretend to yourself that you just want to be mates, or just want to sleep with him. If you want to be just mates, don’t overdo it on the affection front and confuse him. That way disaster lies!
2) Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Take note of what boys do, not what they say. If they’re all mouth and no trousers, don’t do what they say they will or can’t stand up to the mark when it’s needed, don’t worry about it & move on.
3) How is the energy working? If you’re putting more effort in than they are over a period (days if you’ve know them weeks, weeks if you’ve known them months etc) then you need to redress the energy / have a chat about it / bail. You don’t train an Olympic relay champ by picking up the baton for them. Let them have their turn / prove themselves. It’s tempting as a girl to always ‘sort things out’: don’t bother ‘cause otherwise you never get the proper measure of them.
4) Don’t sleep with them too early. You’ll get attached, they’ll think they’ve got you 🙂
5) Boys always want what they can’t have. No need to respond immediately.
6) What is love without lust? It’s got to be good.
7) If they don’t phone… they haven’t been in an horrendous traffic accident, nor have their fingers been destroyed by frostbite. They just don’t want to. If they’ve lost their phone & want to find you, they will.
8) If it’s not working for one of you, it’s not working for both of you. You’ll actually be doing him a favour, or vice versa.
9) Don’t ignore red flags. If they do something thats a bit freaky, or don’t do what they say they will, note it, but if the red flags build up then you have to assess & chat / bail.
10) Always work on the 80:20 rule. If 80% + is good, stick with it, it could be awesome. If it’s 70%, it might be worth working on. Any less than that, bail.
11) Mates are important. Don’t drop yours. Ever. It’s a bit dodge if he doesn’t get on with your mates. And if he hasn’t got any mates, that’s a big red flag (see 9)
12) Don’t break their balls over the small stuff. So they forgot to pick up the dry cleaning / are 20 mins late. Who cares: big deal. Life’s too short to stuff a mushroom, as my mother would say.
13) Continuous over-reaction, or staging drama for a reaction is waste of energy. Don’t do it. They’ll end up thinking you’re a boring freak.
14) Same with getting jealous. It’s dull. He’s with you for a reason. All boys look, and so do we. I nearly crashed my car the other day checking out a hottie and had to tell my ex I was swerving to avoid a sheep. To put it bluntly, just ‘cause you’re happily chained to the lamp-post, doesn’t mean you can’t bark at the cars. The only problem comes when someone is straining at the leash.
15) A similar background is helpful, but the same values and fundamental life goals (family / kids / moving to Peru) are essential.
16) If they hate / are obsessed with their mothers, it spells HARD WORK. Don’t go there, girl! You’ll never be as good, or they’ll assume you’re as awful.
17) On the other hand, if they get on with their mother, that’s a really good sign.
18) If you’re looking for a relationship, take note if you get previous signs of non-commitment. Ok, I don’t fit this rule myself, but I’m writing them, so I don’t care.
19) Trust is paramount. Don’t shag around. When the trust is gone, you’re screwed.
20) Never lose your sense of humour unless it’s really necessary.
21) You can’t change them. If they’re selfish at 30, they’ll be selfish at 50. Some boys just aren’t a good bet. Don’t fall for a boy’s ‘potential’: it doesn’t exist. Throw ‘em back in the pond and let the bottom-pickers trawl them (it’s a trading term!)
22) Don’t try and change them. You don’t go into a relationship expecting to be changed. Girls tend to have an irresistible urge to tinker. Ok, small stuff (forgetting things, being late) can be sorted, but you’re going out with a person, not a project. Constant criticism isn’t fun for anyone. See 10.
23) Always have a back-up plan, or four. Until you’re going out with someone.
24) Any boy should be lucky to have you. Don’t waste the pretty!
By AnnaR
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