Pornolithic
Indiana Jones, The Mummy, TimeTeam…it’s clear, Archaeology is Sexy and Sexy is Archaeology. However it is not very well known that there is a lot of erotic archaeology out there and I’m not just talking about texts between diggers exploring some ancient rubbish tip.
Yes, I am talking about historic porn. Ever since archaeologists first thought it was a good idea to dig a hole in the ground and see what was there, items have been found that many thought felt it was their moral duty to lock away so it didn’t corrupt the young and womenfolk whilst viewing it themselves, for research and to be shocked at how corrupting it would be. But how far does it go back? Perhaps you’ve heard of the brothel tokens from Pompeii or the 2,500-year-old figures from Roos Carr in Northern England that the Victorians thought had detachable stubby arms…or downward-curving penises as we now know. By the time even those little men, with what must be very strange personal members, were made, Porn was as old as time itself. Perhaps it’s as old as the oldest profession?
So how far back? Well, have you ever heard of Venus Figurines? It is a blanket term given to small models made of wood, stone, bone or even clay (making them the oldest ‘pottery’ long before anyone thought to make a pot) that represent women. The women in question do look slightly odd, as they appear to be either pregnant or obese. The last is strange as they were made during the ‘Upper Paleolithic’ (about 30,000 years ago) when humans were still very much hunter-gathers and the one thing about hunter-gathers is they tend not to be obese-it’s hard to chase down a woolly rhino when you’re carrying a few extra stone! What were they for? Well, many archaeologists say they were for ‘ritual’ purposes, which means “we ain’t got the slightest idea but if we admit to that, bang goes next year’s funding” so we say ‘ritual’ and talk about goddesses of fertility and the harvest. A few disagree and say they were works of art representing…something…
Some have taken it this a bit further and say they are not just art but erotic art. Reay Tannahill was a Scottish historian and novelist, who, in her book ‘Sex in History’, called them the “paleolithic prototypes of the Playgirl of the Month”. So, here we humans are, at the end of the Old Stone Age and what are we doing? Trying to make better axes, invent farming, build the first home we don’t have to share with big things that eat us, work out how to get out of the credit crunch? Nope, we are off making erotic art, something to while away those long evenings in front of the fire with.
It makes sense in a way, sometimes in hunter-gather societies, the better hunters (usually men) have to leave the main group to chase down game and they can be away for quite some time. Urges are likely to come out, maybe you need something to focus on whilst dealing with the itch, so you get that little figurine out, wander off from your mates (well, you’re not going to in front of others are you) and you look at her and…well, you can guess the rest…
It seems that porn was around long before the Internet, it was here long before the Romans! And you have to wonder about those cave paintings, don’t you? I mean, experts say its all about hunting but hunting what? Seems a great chatup line to me, want to come back to my cave to see my latest work of art…it’s down here, right at the back…in the dark…better keep close, don’t want you to get lost…next thing you know he’s saying “Got any Neanderthal in you? Want some? Hah, hah, hah”…
Of course, some say all this is hogwash and exactly the sort of rubbish you’d expect from a bunch of archaeologists who’ve been drinking too much home brew, but what do you know?
Stone Age Porn to Internet Porn, not bad going for 30,000 years of human development and that’s just the beginning and the end of the story. There are the images from Khajuraho, Moche pottery, Ancient Greek clay dildos and the infamous Cupboard 55 at the British Museum inbetween. Perhaps I’ll come back to those another day. Once I’ve done the research and am sure it won’t corrupt you.
By Imrahil
Imrahil is an archaeologist, curator, member of tbw and writing with at least a little tongue in his cheek.
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