I might want your money, honey
(but I sure don’t want your help.)
I’ve been pondering the subject recently about dating boys who earn less than you. I guess that, as a woman, if you’re dating a younger man, the likelihood is that with more years behind you, that you’re going to earn more than him, especially if the chap in question is much younger than you or in his early / mid twenties. I’ve heard stories, one of which involved a chap getting the train up to see a friend, with no money for dinner or the train fair back & the woman having to pay the train fair back to town just to see the back of him. On another occasion, a woman went out on a date with a chap who expected for her to pay for everything just for the very pleasure of his company, behaving like Deuce Bigalow. Unfortunately for him, she thought he was more Christopher Biggins; the date didn’t last long.
I’m lucky to earn a fair day rate, but I’m a contractor. I don’t work the whole time through choice because a standard job would bore the proverbial nuts off me and I love change. I’m like the Littlest Hobo, job-wise and it’s deliberate. I’m not even particularly expensive to run and cut my cloth to fit my circumstances. When I’m not working, I travel or learn stuff. I haven’t had too much of the ‘sugar mummy expectation’ as I don’t tend to date men much younger than me and have avoided acquiring visible assets that would indicate that I had much to offer as I don’t really give too much of a monkey’s about possessions & would rather spend on experiences. To be honest, with the lifestyle I have, I’d have a hard time looking after a goldfish, let alone a self-indulgent guppy who demands constant feeding .
I’m also terribly old fashioned. Some of my friends laugh, but if a man asked me out on a first date & then expected to split the bill for dinner I probably wouldn’t see him again (let alone pay for everything). I’m perfectly happy to completely pay my way with drinks, cabs etc, or take turns, but I just find splitting the bill a bit crass, although will always offer. I just don’t expect to be taken up on it, especially if he’s asked me. The only exception to this would be if I didn’t want to see him again and then I would push splitting it. As my mother says, ‘Anna, it’s a man’s pleasure to take you out’. But to be honest, I wouldn’t care if it was McDonalds or Nobu as long as we were having a laugh & the sexual chemistry was there. I don’t give a monkeys about poor, I just don’t like tight.
But, on the converse side, I find another problem crops up with women who are skilled (in anything!) and I’ve heard this time & time again: male egos. One chap I was going out with who was the same age was thinking about setting up a small business doing consultancy, things he had no experience in. I’ve run a business and work as a management consultant / trouble shooter for yonks, sorting out companies when they’re up the creek and wanted to chat stuff over with him & help him set things up. But instead he wanted to meet up with a friend of his who worked in another field & lived miles away. When I mentioned that I would be delighted to have chatted over business ideas and support him in what he was thinking of doing, he didn’t want to chat it over with his girlfriend and instead blew me out on two dates to meet up with this chap, who then blew him out. But I was hurt – I cared about him and wanted to help, but felt shut out. He was tripping over his own ego & would rather talk to a man than me, but he was calling a lollipop lady in a traffic accident. Why a man rather than his girlfriend? I didn’t mention it again. The business didn’t get off the ground. It hasn’t been the first time, and made me wonder whether some men just can’t handle smart birds, no matter how well intentioned their girlfriend’s intentions are.
The boys I work with on a day to day basis have no problem working with a girl. Sure, there have been a couple of 50+ dinosaurs who’ve baulked at being advised by a young(ish!) girl, but when they see you can get the results, they stop looking at you in that way. The worst relationship I ever had with a client was with a nervous geek who brought over a Thai wife & would bark down the phone at her daily, berating her for not having his dinner ready when he had no intention of leaving the office any time soon.
Fortunately, I’m now seeing someone with the same lifestyle & outlook as me who has worked for himself, is comfortable in his own skin and loves chatting over ideas, business or otherwise. Generally I date younger men ‘cause you can just have a laugh and they don’t have the (immediately visible or otherwise) ‘little lady’ complex about them, but this one is a couple of years older & seems quite unique in that he’s able to leave his ego at the door & is more aware of what’s going on around him. He’s also quite happy to buy the drinks, or let me get them.
So what’s the answer, ladies? Don’t have any visible assets, tell them you work in KFC and appear as if you don’t have two brains cell to rub together while paying for everything? I don’t think so .
By AnnaR
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