High Maintenance…
As a woman, I’ve often read articles about pampered girlfriends and wives who live a surreal existence surrounded by a menagerie of servants, fast cars, designer clothes and expensive credit card allowances. Since going out with my Italian boyfriend the expression ‘High Maintenance’ has taken on a whole new meaning. He demands practical and emotional maintenance on a scale never before imagined.
As I am a writer, it is taken for granted by both my boyfriend and my 14 year old son that I really don’t do very much, perhaps tap away at the keys for half an hour a day. This means that I can down tools whenever necessary to look after them.
My boyfriend, who works unholy hours in the restaurant business usually has two days off a week, when he wants to sleep, eat and make love. That’s great, but I have to cancel everything and be there adoringly with the breakfast in bed and all the accoutrements of love on a grand romantic scale that I will leave to your vivid imaginations. Recently he has had Man Flu and muscle strain from lifting heavy things at work.
Now if my 14 year old is sick, he tells me, we sort it, and he swallows the pills.Unfortunately my boyfriend was brought up by another kind of woman, This means that instead of taking my advice and swallowing the necessary panacea, he argues.
it’s no use my telling him that after having 3 children, nursing sick parents and running a farm I know more about injury and life and death than he is ever likely to, even if he lives to be 100. So yesterday he spent his day off in the emergency department of the local hospital convinced that he was having a heart attack……….
After 6 hours they sent him home with a packet of Paracetomal and a box of nurofen………Hmmmm!! (I’d already bet him a fiver it was muscle strain.)
I decided it was time to have the conversation. I’m not omnipotent but there are good things about going out with an older woman………for a start no younger woman would put up with this kind of behaviour. It’s only because he looks so sweet when he pouts and moans that I do. Anyway, I told him that enough was enough. If he wanted to be sick in my house and have me look after him, fine, but bloody well do what he is told!! Otherwise go live in his house and be sick alone.
It might sound harsh, but I also had to explain that our relationship has moved on into the next stage. I can’t spend all day long in bed with him, staring into his beautiful eyes telling him I love him every five minutes. If we are going to make a go of this we have to understand that we love each other but I too have things to do, even though it is his day off and I am a writer…………
N.B.
To all the Man Flu boyfriends out there……….we love you, we really do……..but please get some perspective, your girlfriends really don’t want to end up sounding like your mothers.
Victoria Mosley (Siren Song) has two collections of poetry available from Amazon .co.uk The Dry Season (1998) Crazy Love (2002) and a cd downloadable from www.gargeband.com/artist/sublimes . She is currently working on a novel,
‘The Next Best Thing’.
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