Over the years, being in the industry has given us detailed knowledge of which bloggers are blogging from the heart, and which are full of hot air. So your favourite cougar dating site, Toyboy Warehouse, is running through its favorite 15 dating blogs that will provide the tips you need, the anecdotes you crave and a good laugh when all else fails.

1. Dating Goddess: As explained in her Adventures in dating after 40, mature dating sometimes comes with a few unexpected twists, the best way to get past them is by sharing and no blog is better at providing honest, thoughtful musings on dating for 40+ than this.

2. Soon2becatlady: When you need a refreshing giggle at the drama and misadventure that comes with dating in the digital age, I recommend Soon2becatlady (spoiler: she’s not resorted to getting cats just yet!)

3. 40 Days of Dating: follows a unique and interesting social experiment conducted by two good friends, Jessica in Timothy, in New York. Tired of finding opposite problems in their dating lives, they decided to date each other for 40 days – to entertaining and often enlightening effect. (And it went so well, they’re making a book!)

4. DatingAdvice.com: If you’re looking for expert dating advice from people with both the personal and academic qualifications to give it, you might try DatingAdvice.com. As well as providing intelligent advice for both men and women, they also have an expert in mature dating, April Braswell, whose blogs shed light on the challenges of dating for the experienced, but keeps it fun and entertaining too. You can even ask them dating questions via Twitter (@DatingAdviceCom)

5. She Knows: It’s likely in your dating life you’re thinking about your sex life too. Find revealing ideas, frank advice and ideas to heat up your other love life on the She Knows blog.

6. 30 Dates: As well as providing excellent insights with her 30 Dates experiment, Charly Lester’s 30 Dates Blog is an inspiration to anyone looking to create their own dating blog too. Her 30 adventures are a great reminder that when it comes to dating you really have to just get out there.

7. Buzzfeed Dating Blog: If you’re just looking for a laugh or something to pass 15 minutes on your commute, the indisputable masters of quick, easily-digested content is always Buzzfeed. Their dating blogs are guaranteed to amuse you, and their quizzes provide you with useful answers to burning questions such as ‘Which fictional serial killer should I date?‘ (and eventually be killed by).

8. Single Dating Diva: Check out Single Dating Diva if you’re looking for advice to a specific question affecting your love life. Her top tips also contain some cheerful words to keep you smiling when this big ol’ numbers game has got you down.

9. We Love Dates: The definitive mother-load of online dating advice is available at the award winning We Love Dates blog. Their specialty is list blogs that are well known for being irresistibly readable, but without sacrificing strong, actionable advice.

10. Time Out Dating: Keeping up to date with the latest trends in online dating and technology affecting it is easier than ever with the Time Out Dating Blog, now written by 30 Dates’ Charly Lester. The results of their Global Dating Survey will show you which cities are best for dating, which cities are worst for dating and which accent the world finds irresistible (hint, you might like the answer to this one!)

11. Huffington Post: Prolific bloggers across every genre, The Huffington Post Dating Blog will provide you with a lot more than just a list of ‘5 best dating outfits for 2018’. Peruse these dating musings when you’re looking for a serious perspective on modern dating issues.

12. Divorced Girl Smiling: At Toyboy Warehouse, we know how divorce affects you when it comes to getting back on the horse again. Luckily Divorced Girl Smiling‘s blog is devoted to just that. Give it a read when you’re looking for some empathy.

13. Divorced Guy Grinning: And – of course – as divorce is a two way street, the equally excellent Divorced Guy Grinning is there to support men in the same boat and share the problems

14. Men’s Fitness: Providing excellent advice for men (and a good laugh for women) in this interactive mock-dating site, Men’s Fitness created a fake profile and got real expert analysis from professionals and single women. A must for any man who wants to succeed with women as you’ll learn exactly what’s going through her mind when you send a message bragging about your manhood. Check it out.

15. Role Reboot: A personal favorite, the Role Reboot blog is dedicated to challenging out-dated conceptions about men and women’s roles – a subject close to our hearts at Toyboy Warehouse. Expect excellent feminist thought-pieces, personal advice columns and honest story-telling.

There you have it! The top 15 blogs that will help you make 2018 the dating year you want it to be and keep you amused and optimistic along the way. If you’re looking for another recommended blog or specific piece of advice, email in.

Don’t forget the best in dating advice, stories and news – Toyboy Warehouse Blog (we might be a bit biased on that one).

The post 15 Essential Dating Blogs for Singles in 2018 appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

How do you know if you need a love life coach?

Read these telltale signs…

Throughout our lives we are coached by experts. As children many of us will have joined a club to be coached to play football, dance or sing. Perhaps we had extra coaching for things we found difficult like extra Maths or English tuition, to ensure we met the grade. In work and business people seek out advisors and mentors, while sports people at the top of their game look to coaches to help them develop further and reach peak performance. Yet when it comes to our love life and important relationships, we generally seem to leave our success or failure, pleasure or pain, to chance. Few of us ever think to seek out support except perhaps the odd bit of advice from parents and friends. Yet they can only ever speak from their personal perspective and are definitely not experts in this field!

“As a relationship therapist and love life coach, people often ask me, how can love life coaching help me?” says Helen Rice Founder of BeLoveCurious.com. “Deciding to ask for help with your relationship is a very personal decision and there are many reasons why clients seek us out. Here’s our Top 10 Telltale Signs that reveal you‘re in need of some help to find your dating-to-relationship mojo and some clues as to how we might work with you to get the love life results you want.”

1.You find a reason not to date any and every one

Do you have a check list of all the things you don’t want in a partner? You know the things we’re talking about – they have to be a certain height, they must have dark hair not blonde, only a lawyer or a banker will do etc. While a dating coach does advocate you being clear on what you are looking for in a partner, they will make you think carefully about how you could be limiting your options.

2.You have started to believe that you are destined to be single and are better off that way

Do you constantly tell people that you are better off single and never wanted to have a relationship anyway? Do you really believe this or is it easier to keep telling yourself and everyone else that? A relationship coach can help you challenge your fixed ways of thinking about yourself and other people and help you explore and understand what’s really getting in the way of achieving your love, sex, dating and relationship goals.

3. You feel like you always attract Mr/Miss Wrong

Feel like you only ever attract the bad ones? Do you always follow a similar dating pattern? A dating coach can help you identify these patterns and help you to break them. They may also reflect on your first loves, as it is often these early relationships that set the foundations for later love or lack of it.

4. You can’t get past the first date and don’t know why?

Why is it that your friends seem to find it so easy and yet you can’t get past the first date. Chatting through your hopes and fears, and perhaps even play acting a first date scenario – perhaps with a glass of wine in hand can give you some perspective on what you’re doing and why it might not be helping you to that so desired second date.

5. You think about your ex all of the time and can’t seem to move on

Do you compare every new date to your ex? Does everything you do or say remind you of them; songs on the radio, your favourite box set? A love life coach will help you to talk about special people and events in your past to reveal what you are doing now to protect your heart and keep others at a distance.

6. You really want to find the ONE but seem to scare off potential candidates

You know you want a relationship and are desperate to find love, but your actions are currently having a different reaction. Sometimes you need to take an alternative approach and do things differently to the way you are doing them now; often it helps to just stop. A dating coach can help you create goals and then make a plan for success – working with you to overcome the barriers and resistance you might feel when taking on new personal challenges.

7. You feel that you don’t really deserve a happy relationship

You don’t really like yourself that much, so why should anyone else? Does this sound familiar – do you think you’re not attractive enough, or clever or outgoing enough to find a fulfilling relationship? Think again, most of us entertain more negative than positive thoughts about ourselves. A relationship coach will look to find out what is at the source of these negative thoughts and help you to see them as the self-limiting untruths that they are.

8. You’ve lost your confidence?

What’s caused you to lose your confidence? Can you pin-point the moment when your confidence vanished or has a bad date left you feeling flat and uninspired? Working with a coach to get to the bottom of such experiences and what you’ve made it mean about you, is key to ditching the unhelpful opinions you hold about yourself that are stopping you from having the relationship you really want.

9. You believe that men/women you date are only interested in you for sex, nothing more

It is possible to have sex without intimacy and yet sex and intimacy are so completely intertwined when we are interested in creating a successful, loving relationship. A dating coach can help you to explore your attitudes, values, beliefs and practices around both sex and intimacy and work with you to ensure you are fulfilled in your relationships.

10. Your relationship rules are set in stone

Are you someone that has very particular relationship rules and won’t budge when it comes to carrying them out? For example, your date should always call first, text messages should be replied to instantly or within a set number of hours, no sex until the third date? Sometimes having such high expectations of how your date should behave (when often they have no idea of these rules) can only lead to disappointment and upset. Connecting with a relationship coach will allow you to explore the origin of these relationship rules and discover strategies for adapting them so that they don’t compromise your future happiness.

Helen continues: ‘Relationship coaching can be of benefit to everyone, whether you are already in a relationship or single. We believe that everyone can have the relationship of their dreams. All it takes is a willingness to be:

* Curious about why your love-life isn’t working out the way you’d like it to

* Interested in discovering new things about yourself

* Doing some things differently, even when it might feel a bit awkward

* Persistent!

Helen concludes: “Engaging with a relationship coach in a relaxed, ongoing and totally confidential conversation will help you to explore what’s getting in the way of achieving your love-life or relationship goals. Just by getting really interested in the whys and wherefores of your current love-story we know you’ll start to see new things about yourself and your approach to life, love, sex, dating and relationships. These insights will allow you to better understand what and how you can do things differently to move closer to having the kind of relationship you really want.”

The post How To Know When It’s Time To Call in The Experts appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

International Clairvoyant & Psychic Janine Wilbraham

Location: Mid Wales

‘If you want to be told what you want to hear this lady is not for you’. That’s from a testimonial of one of Janine’s happy clients. So many clairvoyants see their work as simply making people feel good, appeasing to their own desires. Excellent clairvoyants challenge your preconceptions, take you out of comfort zone to face things you may feel nervous about facing. Our panel has judged Janine firmly in this category and that’s why she’s made our list.

Why stop at being psychic for humans? Janine also possesses the fantastic title of Animal Communicator. She has a renowned reputation of being able to communicate with horses, not to simply ‘tell what they’re thinking’ but rather as a means of healing and cementing the connection between animal and owner.

Janine’s latest book teaches how you can become an animal communicator too. Can You Hear Me? The Psychic Animal Communicator is available now, click here to get your copy.

Ask the Psychic – Joanna Scott

Location: East Midlands

What makes someone psychic? That’s a question our panel has wrestled with in their deliberations for this list. To them it’s a different way of thinking, being able to connect dots, linking yourself to someone else’s life and seeing how it’ll play out.

Joanna possesses this ability in spades.

For some of you, you may already recognise Joanna. She works on Psychic Today TV, offering advice and insights to thousands of people across the country. She offers 1:1 sessions in everything from tarot card readings, numerology, etc. She also conducts party bookings, email readings, phone readings and lots more. If it existed, she’d win the title of UK’s hardest working psychic.

Why else do we love her? Just like us she’s dedicated to finding you love. Her book The Love Key is the first book to combine psychic love advice with dating know-how. Helping you to use psychic intuition in your own dating experiences. You can get your own copy here.

International Psychic/Clairvoyant Raymond Worthy

Location: UK

With the suffocating quality of modern life, it can be difficult to see the wider meaning of the universe. With so many decisions, obstacles to our goals and negative experiences, happiness is sometimes a difficult thing to grasp. Raymond offers a revolutionary alternative through his ability to ‘speak with angelic insight’.

Raymond was nominated primarily because of the positive effect he has had on the lives of a number of individuals. He tries to clear the fog of busy, everyday life making it easier to see how you can reach your goals. Our panel also commend Raymond on his excellent reading accuracy.

Raymond offers expert email readings and attends loads of great events across the UK. You can find Raymond at the The Psyche Gold Halloween Psychic Fair on October 30th, 2016.

Psychic Caressa

Location: London and South East

For many individuals, the time when they see a psychic or clairvoyant is during a dark period in their life; maybe through grief, a personal struggle or any other significant problem. Caressa was nominated to our panel because of her fantastic work helping people during these dark times. Alongside an excellent clairvoyant and psychic service, she offers stress therapy and a number of life changing treatments. Caressa understands the therapeutic capabilities of her psychic work and how they can provide unbelievable results when combined with other treatments.

The panel also noted her work giving relationships advice and helping to achieve personal goals. All of which makes Caressa an excellent addition to our list.

You can get in touch with Caressa about her services by emailing [email protected].

London Psychic & Clairvoyant Sasha Bonasin

Location: London

Sasha offers one of the widest ranges of psychic services we’ve come across. Tarot cards, coffe cup readings, tea leaves readings, palm readings, spiritual healing, mediumship and more, Sasha offers it all.

That’s not to say with quantity comes a reduce in quality. Sasha works to understand you, your problems, your life, your energy, etc. and then finds the best service for you. He offers insight into your future, connection with the spirit world, as well assistance with your own psychic abilities. The panel commended Sasha on his versatility and accuracy across a wide range of specialisms.

You can get in touch with Sasha on [email protected] for his Skype and 1:1 readings. We especially like his emergency service which will connect you to Sasha within 1 day, something we haven’t seen before.

The post Psychics Near Me: The Best UK Psychics, Mediums & Clairvoyants 16/17 appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Tackling the age old question of size versus performance is always a bit of a minefield. As a woman I can only speak from the perspective of being on the receiving end and as their appendage is a man’s pride and joy you have to bear in mind that any criticism will really get them where it hurts.

Being ‘hung like a horse’  does have distinct advantages because quite simply the question of size is one you don’t ever have to ask yourself. You can proudly wander about naked in the showers tackle out! I have often wondered whether that is what happens in the men’s changing room at my local gym.  There is no shortage of naked bodies of all shapes and sizes in the ladies one. You are besieged on all sides with boobs and bums with no sign of embarrassment. I just have this vision of men scuttling about hiding their bits under a very large towel. But not of course if your middle name is Shergar!!

So from a woman’s point of view do you get a better deal with a Big Boy ?. The moment of unveiling is always a jaw dropping moment. You have no idea what you are going find and they certainly do come in all shapes and sizes! There really is no way of judging it. I have heard all the old wives tales..big feet means big d**k..you can tell by the hands .But the truth is the size of a man is no yardstick for the size of his sausage. It matters not how tall, short, fat or thin he is, it will always be the one that you least expect that has your eyes watering in anticipation.

So on the plus side a well-endowed man will be more confident in the bedroom and will be able to reach parts of you that you didn’t know existed. On the down side you may have to choose your positions carefully. With someone wielding a larger than average manhood there is one position that has to be taken very slowly. Yes ladies you know the one ..woof!woof!   You may need to reach for the K.Y. Jelly  and you will definitely get jaw ache if you kiss the beast :). So it’s not all plain sha***ng…I mean sailing when it comes to Mr.Big!

There is a lot to be said for Mr Average he can be consumed with gay abandon from every conceivable angle and you won’t suffer from lock jaw or the embarrassment of walking like John Wayne the next day.

As for Mr Smaller Than…you usually find that he can do things with his hands and tongue to rival any sex toy you can find in the Ann Summer’s shop even if you use them all at once!. On the subject of sex -toys they are always a good thing to keep in reserve should you need to bring them into play and adds just that bit more excitement!.

But at the end of the day it comes down to how you feel about the naked man lying next to you. If there is chemistry combined with meeting of the minds and a genuine bond then sex becomes more about feelings than his physical attributes. That is what makes the experience special.

Impulse sex on the other hand, maybe with someone you have just met will be a frenzied frantic experience. You will be caught up in the head rush that comes with exploring each other’s bodies for the first time. It will be carried on a massive wave of sexual chemistry big enough to rival a tsunami! Trust me you will not give a damn about how big his equipment is!

So to conclude does size really matter ? My answer is.. Only if you let it! Hope you will excuse me I’m off find my ruler

Cougar dating expert Gaynor Evans is also the author of Sex and the Signposts available on Amazon!

Follow her blog Sexandthesignposts.com or check her out on Twitter @gingerbirdevans.

The post Hung like a horse? Does size matter? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Our resident dating expert Gaynor helps us another Toyboy Warehouse member with a cougar dilemma:

I love going to the gym but the young girlfriends I’ve had don’t give me the time to enjoy my hobby, will an older woman?

Jackson, 26,  loves going to the gym, but it’s causing a dating dilemma. His exes never gave him enough space to enjoy his hobby, he’s wondering if branching out into cougar dating will solve his issue. Jackson thought it’d be easy to balance his gym passion and his relationships, but it isn’t going too smoothly. Toyboy and cougar expert Gaynor is here to help young Jackson out.

Older women tend to have a much fuller life, they have careers, children, family, etc. Will this help with Jackson’s problem? Does the lifestyles of older women suit Jackson’s hobby? Watch Gaynor’s video to find out her answer.

Also, make sure to check out Gaynor’s semi-autobiographical novel Sex and The Signposts

The post Ask The Experts: “Will dating a cougar help with my fitness lifestyle?” appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

In the last few weeks, the Twittersphere was all a flutter with the story of a dating blogger who was slammed by a troll who accused our heroine of being the reason that men to expect sex on the first date.

Some women, like myself, hope to have sex on the first date if that date rings our bell*. If anyone, regardless of gender, expects sex, then they’re not worth going on a second date with until they evolve a whole lot more.

However, this issue happened to turn up on my media channels just as I started examining my dating motives.

I’d been having a marvellous time at TBW – being “courted”, as it were, by a carousel of beautiful, young men was intoxicating – how could it not? And been on a several dates all of which culminated in lovely orgasms. Only one of whom I’d seen more than once.

I’d never done the Tinder thing, so I can’t compare the experience. And the last time I went “on the pull” was well over 20 years ago. But essentially, these were hook ups. With added sparkling, intelligent, wide-ranging conversation. My particular brand of aphrodisiac.

Like my heroine of the sex on the first date storm, I enjoy sex and I don’t see why sleeping with a man on the first would automatically make me a slut and/or preclude a second. There was one whom I wanted to see again and, ugh, I developed a crush on. Luckily for me, he turned out to be a class A arsehole so I am glad I didn’t see him again. Another… well, I didn’t want to see again, but he’s persisting and I’m not resisting, mainly because I’m curious to see what happens.

But then I started feeling dissatisfied. Was it because I wasn’t seeing them again? Was it that I was really ready for a… relationship?

So I decided to give not sleeping with a hot boy a go. The result was that I wish I had fucked one witty, sensitive, gorgeous young man’s brains out instead of holding back. Because, guess what? I didn’t see him again. My hormones were practically screaming at me to go for it, but nooooo, I chose to go against my nature and denied myself for… what exactly?

Coincidentally, I discovered Dr Zhana Vrangalova, her excellent Tedx talk “Is Casual Sex Bad for You” which shed a little light on why I was feeling so discombobulated. She asked certain questions which should help to clarify if casual sex was for me but it turns out that I’m not so clear cut in my desires (her Casual Sex Project by the way is pretty awesome).

What the denial did show me though, was that I craved intimacy, which I wasn’t getting from the encounters. And I thought back to one of the things I learned earlier this year about how long-lasting happy relationships came about: friendship first, forming an emotional bond, leading to intimacy.

The problem is, I am currently in a situation where meeting new friends is not so easy. In fact, it’s a lot easier to arrange a hook up. Wham, bam, thank you, young man. Perhaps, the cause for the unhappy was that the encounters were too often and too close together? So right now, I am allowing myself to be pleasantly distracted by a hot boy who is teasing me with thoughtful intercourse on lust, need and sexual motives. I know he just wants to do me. But he also seems to like me for me, and tells me frequently how sexy he finds me. He once astutely observed that my ego loves him, which is why I’m talking to him. And he’s right. He’s young, he’s full of life, and he’s so easy on the eye, I am the envy of the 20-something women he should be dating.

Until I can figure out how I can make new friends, I’ll make do with new playmates. Don’t mistake me: I like my own company, but sometimes it’s nice to have someone else to stroke. If I can’t have a deep, meaningful friendship with the oh-my-god, I can at least have the orgasm. Not too shabby, I’d say.

*What an anti-masturbation Christian website delightfully coined “ringing the devil’s doorbell.” LOVE it. Incidentally, the one I didn’t fuck: I didn’t see him again because he lived 3 hours’ travel away. Stupid girl. Should have seen that one coming. Lesson learned.

The post Can Casual Sex Be Good For You? appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Toyboy Warehouse toyboy and cougar dating expert Gaynor answers another dating dilemma:

How to tell my religious family I love dating younger men?

Sue, 48 from Lancashire has been dating younger men for a while now. She comes from a religious family and she knows her family won’t accept she loves to do this. All her friends are on Toyboy Warehouse and they get to be open about their dating experiences, Sue admits she’s jealous of the freedom they have.

It might be time to bite the bullet, says Gaynor. It might not be easy and there might be some negativity but ‘you have to go forward and do what makes you happy’.

Enjoy this installment of Ask the Experts.

Don’t forget to check out Gaynor’s semi-autobiographical novel Sex and The Signposts

The post Ask The Experts: “How to tell my religious family I love dating younger men?” appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

FIRST dates are big, scary and unpredictable. Think job interview, only more personal if you’re rejected for the role. As it’s so intimidating, all that’s left to do is hide in a corner and pretend it’s not going to happen, right? Stop right there. As with all things challenging, taking a few simple but important steps can quickly make you feel more prepared, confident and date-ready.

Step One: Assess Your Online Presence

When we don’t know much about something yet, we Google. When we’re looking to find out more about a person, we Facebook. Assuming you use the web as much as anyone, within a few minutes I can probably learn your middle name, read your CV and check out the drunk photos you took last Saturday night. So making sure all social media reflect kindly on you will pay off when it comes to dating.

First impressions are made very quickly and they’re all about the visual (we’ll revisit this later) so make sure the first images and supporting information your date sees about you online is selling you. If in doubt, set it all to private. Also you might consider giving your date a quick Google to see what they’re about. This can be a good move and a bad one. If you decide to, DON’T quote their list of Likes back to them in person, but DO have a vague idea of what they might be interested in to direct conversation.

Step Two: Think Positive

A fun, positive attitude will get you a long way with the opposite sex, both pre-game and when you’re actually on the date.

Before: Following on from that visual first impression you made digitally, think of a nice outfit you can wear, perhaps buy something to give you that new clothes feeling, try a way of doing your hair that takes a little longer than usual and makes you feel more presentable – looking good means feeling good.

During: All pampered and glam now? Brilliant. Now there’s a good chance you’ll look happy. Smile plenty as it helps to establish rapport. Likewise, stick to nicer topics of conversation and don’t fall into the trap of rambling on about your patchy date history. The night is young, exes are irrelevant, so let yourself enjoy the moment.

Step Three: Establish Physical Contact Early

While physical contact can be very important for bonding in any relationship, if you’re going to be more than friends with your date then physical chemistry is key. For many, it’s the most important thing there is. It seems a little scary to initiate but it’ll do you both a favour to see whether their touch opens you up or sends you cringing away to the friend zone.

How to do it: For any men reading, lean in as you meet, plant a kiss on her cheek and touch her hand for just a second as you do it. Girls, initiate the same gesture and it will make you quite irresistible, men love a woman who can make the first move. And if you want something long term, make sure it doesn’t go much further than that.

Step Four: Relax

A bad first date is not the end of the world, it’s not even necessarily the end of the acquaintance. Speaking for myself, I once had a bad first date that led to an 18 month relationship. So remember you can’t have too many friends, that you learnt something from the experience, had a fun night out and there are plenty more fish in the sea etc., etc. Whichever cheesy philosophy you can handle, remind yourself there is at least an element of truth to it.

Whether relationships last one evening or twenty years, they all serve a purpose. That purpose can be long-term love or it can be a brief source of fun and entertainment. So relax and see where the date takes you.

The post The Girl’s Guide To Date Preparation appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

Every relationship will have it’s ups and downs. Sadly there comes a time for many when it looks like everything is going to end entirely. But there’s a big difference between a little hiccup and a full break up. Here are some signs that your relationship is seriously not working out and it might be time to move on.

1. You’ve stopped making plans for the future 

Whether it’s looking for a property, booking a holiday in 2017 or just day-dreaming about the life you two might have together someday, talking about the future is more important than you think. When you’re happy together, there’s a tendency to talk big and that peters out a little when you’re not so happy.

However, if you’re finding yourselves hesitant to commit to any future plans together, even small social commitments in a couple of months for example, it could be a sign that things are coming to an end. If it’s you that won’t make any plans, ask yourself honestly why this is happening. Are you really unavailable at that time? If you just don’t feel like it, why is that? If it’s your partner, ask them why they’re unavailable but be prepared for the answer.

Find out more about this and other conversations you should be having with your partner on the Bustle blog: 9 Serious Conversations Every Couple Should Have

2. The two of you talk, rather than listen 

A relationship involves both of you expressing your feelings but hopefully spending equal time listening too. Sometimes in life you find yourself co-existing with someone, rather than really sharing your lives together. One of the first signs of this is that you talk at each other, rather than listen and digest what each other is saying. Often a relationship will have one dominant partner who vocalises more, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore it if your partner seems more shut off than usual.

Ask yourself regularly, am I listening to my partner? Have I taken time to ask them about their day? Yes, I’m stressed about this situation at work, but what’s going on for him/her? If you find yourself in a position where you don’t really care about the answer to these questions, or think that your partner doesn’t, then you know there are some issues here.

More on the technique of listening in all our relationships How Important is Listening, Really?

3. The tone between you has changed two 

When it comes to communicating with your partner, it’s not just the talking rather than listening that can speak volumes about you two. The tone of voice you use with your significant other can show signs of how you view each other. When we’re happy together our tone of voice is generally lighter and easier. Tone of voice and intonation is also a great indicator as to whether or not we’re really paying attention to our partners.

To work out if this is an issue in your relationship, you’ll first need to do some listening both to your lover and to yourself. Have you found yourself straining or forcing yourself to sound interested? Inevitably we can’t always be interested in what our partner says, but if your tone isn’t honest neither are you. What about your partner, are they always snapping at you and showing you disrespect? This can be a sign that things have started to disintegrate between you too and there are things to work on.

More on what what your voice says about you in Putting Your Best Voice Forward via Psychology Today.

4. You’re confiding in others more than each other 

Even if all you really do is grunt at each other in a reassuring way, it’s important as a couple that you share some emotional understanding. If one or both of you is regularly looking for support in someone else, rather than each other, it’s not a good sign. Now I’m not for a moment doubting the importance of getting a third-party perspective and your friends’ support when you need it most. But it’s important that that person remains objective and doesn’t literally become the third party in your relationship.

Remember no one needs to be making decisions for you, don’t rush into a break up unless it’s something you’ve picked. Take others’ advice with a pinch of salt and then do what feels right.

Find out Is Your Relationship a Triangle? 

5. One of you needs the other more 

No one wants to feel like their partner is just another dependant with demands on their time. No one wants to feel like they aren’t needed by their loved one either. It’s a difficult balance and can fluctuate at times, but should generally reach a solid equilibrium of balanced needs, something that shouldn’t be confused with co-dependency which is unhealthy in its own way.

Expect to take each other for granted a little as your relationship goes on but if one of you is becoming the adult and the other the child then it may have gone too far. If you think this is the case, it’s important to address the subject honestly but sensitively. Does your partner depend on you for money? If so, encourage them to look for more money making opportunities. Are you emotionally dependent on your lover? Find a way to claw back a little self-dependence. You can do this by taking up a new hobby, discovering a new place to draw confidence from and better emotional strength will follow.

Do you think it’s even worse than this? Check out 5 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working and You’re Wasting Your Time via Elite Daily

The post 5 Ways To Know If It’s Just Not Working Out appeared first on Toyboy Warehouse.

In the nine months or so I’ve been on Toyboy Warehouse I’ve told only a handful of friends about it (including my two grown-up kids).  I kind of knew all along what was holding me back, sniffing the possibility of disapproval in the air; the judgement of those who believe I should live by the creed of what they think a woman of my age should be doing – or not doing!

However, my life began to feel like it was divided in two: those who knew and those who didn’t, and I felt increasingly uncomfortable with that. So I decided to start being more open about it all. Why the hell shouldn’t I tell everyone who answers to the call of ‘friend’ that I’m having a good time with younger men?

But oh … eyebrows raise … mouths gawp open … reactions vary from a genuine ‘that’s fantastic’ to a sharp move away from the subject on to more mundane things. Men, since time began – or since anyone starting counting – have rushed off into a middle-aged sunset and the arms of girls twenty or more years younger than them, often leaving in their wake distressed wives of many years and confused young adult kids. People have always talked about waiting until kids are grown-up before leaving a marriage but statistically, the worst time – the time most likely to topple them into a depression – is when they are between the ages of 18 and 25.

Yet, when Middle-Aged Man does this, although there will be cries of disapproval, there will also be the secret asides of nudge-nudge, wink-wink, ‘I didn’t know old so-and-so had it in him’, and Middle-Aged Man acquires a new and enviable status. His assumed sexual prowess will be celebrated; he’ll become a token of envy amongst his peers (other men of course).  Middle-Aged Woman, however, doesn’t enjoy the same reaction.

Even a middle-aged woman who hasn’t broken up any marriages or upset any kids; told any lies or ruffled any other woman’s feathers – expectations of her are different. We may be in a world of rich and famous cougars hitting the headlines but ‘gorgeous women dating younger men’ hasn’t hit most ordinary lives yet.

I’m hoping this is all a middle-aged, generational thing and society is growing out of this sexist attitude to relationships. After all, does it really matter whether the man or the woman is the elder? And an age gap is just a number of years (‘What’s in a name?’ asked Juliet; ‘What’s in an age?’ ask I) and being with someone and both of you being happy is more about playing by the same rules and having the same expectations than counting numbers.

Someone’s emotional and sexual maturity isn’t by default linked to their age; finding someone sexy, fun and great company isn’t about their age or yours. Sure there are fantasies to be played out – the older woman; the younger man – but in the end this isn’t what necessarily makes a relationship work. So, here am I, going defiantly into a future full of possibilities. Seizing what’s best in the moment and living life to the full – and having fun!  And if anyone has a problem with that, let them not go by the name of ‘friend’.

KatJG

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