I’ve just returned from a ramble around my local bird reserve. Desperate for some peace and solitude, I went alone and there were only a handful of bird-watchers and two lone men walking their dogs on leashes as permitted in certain areas. Sitting at the observation deck by one of the lakes, watching the birds about their business, I was joined by one of the dog walkers. A younger man, he sat nearby, we glanced at each other and smiled. I greeted him, as you do in these places. We both sat quietly, watching the avian activity and then he started a conversation, commenting on the tranquility of the place. After five minutes of pleasantries about activities spent in the place as youngsters (although decades apart) and a little bit of banter, we said goodbye. He resumed the walk with his lovely dog and I stayed put, recharging my energy for the week ahead. It was an enjoyable little interlude with another younger man, which brings me to the subject of:
Meeting Potential Age-Gap Daters
Only last week I was returning school uniform to Marks and Spencer’s and exchanging glances with a younger man in the queue, so it’s theoretically possible to find someone in any situation! If we can find people our own age to date, we can find age-gap daters as well: these skills are all transferable. It’s a matter of refining normal approaches in terms of increased confidence, bravery and subtlety. We need to be more observant, gentler in approach and a little more willing to risk being rejected. As to suitable places to meet people, I’ve found a need to be imaginative about the places where we might meet older women or younger men. Think creatively about the public spaces and activities which attract your target group and the kinds of things you might genuinely have in common. For example, I’ve met dates in universities, gyms, art exhibitions, coffee shops, volunteering, drumming groups, dance activities, libraries, adult education, spiritual activities and festivals. Everyone has to find their own favourite suitable places!
The usual repeated eye contact and a genuine, friendly smile are signals of interest which usually get a response at any age. With age-gap relationships, the next step is a gentle conversation about mundane matters: I’d always choose a safe, non-threatening topic such as the situation you are both in or even the weather. Check fingers for wedding or engagement rings at this point. Start the conversation with the expectation that at best, it will probably only be a pleasing human exchange for a few minutes. After all, someone has to have the courage to take the initiative in these situations. It might as well be us.
Unavailable?
“My boyfriend/girlfriend/partner…“
If someone is happily partnered, they will usually let you know by finding a way to slip this information into the chat. If suspicious, you could always be more direct and ask; although there’s still no guarantee you’ll be told the truth. Being accompanied by children is no indication of availability or otherwise.
Now what?
If the individual seems available and interested, give some gentle compliments at that point and observe their reaction. Be prepared to back off at any time but keep chatting about the things you have in common and show plenty of emotional stability. Extreme flirting and sexy banter should probably be saved until after you suggest a date and have been accepted. Unless, that is, our potential love-interest initiates this behaviour!
In the event that the person remains relaxed and seems to be enjoying your company, suggest meeting again and offer your telephone number. This is the crunch point: be prepared for a shocked reaction or a forthright refusal, but stay charming and genuine. You never know, your calmness might lead to a future expansion of horizons! If the offer to meet again is accepted and you swap numbers, result! You’ve found exactly what you were looking for: that potential age-gap date. In reality, even though we are a minority, potential age-gap daters are to be found in any and every situation, waiting for just the right opportunity! Why not create those opportunities and open new horizons?
Just remember, in this niche dating game, the old clichés apply: ‘less is more’ and ‘practice makes perfect’…
