4 Experts Weigh In – How To Successfully Date After Divorce

For many, divorce can be a challenging time; practically, financially and emotionally. The idea of dating after what could have been a difficult separation can be a daunting one. The thought of opening yourself up and becoming vunerable can scare many people into a dating paralysis.

However, at Toyboy Warehouse, we’ve found that those that take the plunge and decide to date, they never regret it. Depsite their fears, the world of excitement and adventure that awaits is something to be experienced.

If you’re in the same boat. If you’re someone unsure about dating after a divorce – whether that’s because of emotional fear or the shear practicalities of the modern dating world, then rest your worries aside. Four of the top dating and relationship experts are here to safely guide you into the world of post-divorce dating.

Dawn Burnett, CSA

Divorce Lifestyle Consultant & Mentor

How to get over the fear of dating again

The best way to push past the fear of dating is to understand and own your value. When you are confident in yourself and what you bring to the table as a powerful woman, everything else will fall into place. Yes, it can feel awkward at times when you have young children, but you have to remind yourself that your kids will grow up fast, get their own partners and the last thing you want is to be left feeling alone like you missed out on your opportunity to find the enhancement of love in your own partner. When you decide to exit the relationship with your ex whether it was your choice or not, it’s over, time to move in a forward direction as an independent woman and focus on creating a life by design instead of by default. 

How to have sex for the first time after a divorce/long term relationship

Sex for the first time can feel awkward but the more you work on your own self-worth, the more confidence you gain in your own body image and respect for yourself the more you will allow yourself to open up to the right person without holding on to past barriers.

Is dating as an older women awful?

Dating as an older woman is not awful and single isn’t a disease, it all comes down to mindset. Plenty of people have been known to fall in love in their 70s, it’s all about being clear on what you want in a partner and entering into the dating relationship by saying, “What can I do to enhance this person’s life? What do they bring to the table to enhance my life?” Remember you are the CEO of your own life, and you choose the dating rules, not society. After all, go for it, life is not a dress rehearsal.

Anastasia B. 

Title: Anastasia B. is a psychologist currently working at medvidi and treating mental health issues effectively. She deals with patients from different age groups and understands their requirements respectively. 

How to get over the fear of dating again 

After getting divorced or ending a long-term relationship, there are a lot of fears in one’s mind because of past experiences and heartbreak. When you get married to someone or you had a long relationship, that means you were in love and the person really meant to you. After ending things with that person, it can be really hard to give that place to someone else. Dating again means accepting other people in a romantic way and here’s how you can do that.

  • The first thing you can do is to date yourself. Get back with your own self before introducing someone else into your life.
  • Making new friends can be really helpful in order to talk about your new self and discuss matters with you. Single friends are better to make dating plans and share your fears with.
  • Try to have fun and experiment with new things now that you are over with your old relationship. 
  • Give yourself time and take it slowly. Wait until your divorce is final, heal from it and meet new people.

Pitfalls to avoid when dating after a divorce 

Here are a few mistakes that most people make while dating after divorce. Try to avoid them.

  • Do not get into the dating game before you are completely ready to meet new people.
  • Get rid of the old baggage of emotions. The sooner you throw it away, the better it is for you to have a new fresh start. 
  • Be open about your past but avoid talking too much about your ex as it might show that you still have your ex on your mind.
  • Stick to your own personality and don’t turn into someone else just because you divorced your old partner. 

How to date after a divorce when you have children 

It is important to talk to your child with the new partner and make them aware that leaving your previous partner does not mean it’s the end of the world for you. They should be open to the fact that you will be dating new people and make them feel good about it.

The Rev. Amy Baker, MA, CCA

Mediator & Family Advocate. Somatic Sexuality Coach

How to get over the fear of dating again 

One of the things I hear from women who are just getting out there to date once single again in their 40s is that the rules have changed and so have their bodies. There is huge body fear in the over-40 women demographic that is seen even when we are in the best shape of our lives. Women of all ages would do well to stop looking at media and social media that glamorizes and objectifies women’s bodies because it often stirs up envy in others and insecurity in self.

The rules for anything can be learned, so figuring out the culture of dating is easy: make it be on your terms. Not hissy fit kind of selfishness terms, but know yourself. Be proud of your values. Be proud of who you are, and ensure that it is more than what you do. Likewise, make sure that you are reciprocally about more than just what t/s/he/y do or how much money t/s/he/y makes.

Make a game plan on how you want to meet people: through friends? At the grocery store? On dating sites/apps? Be aware that online dating is not usually very fun for anyone and can be just as addictive as any other kind of online shopping where choice is ridiculous and abundant. You are not a light fixture or a side of beef, and neither is whoever you’re looking for. Remember to humanize all experiences when getting out there to date again. And TELL a trusted buddy where you’re going, with whom, And what time you expect to check in after.. 

And LOVE yourself. Do that before you ever even go on one date with anyone.

Pitfalls to avoid when dating after a divorce 

If your last dating experience was somewhere between 1986 and 2005, the rules have changed. Know WHO you are and WHAT you are seeking when getting out there. If you are interested in hooking up, you are likely not going to have any problems doing so, but be prepared for feeling like crap afterwards if you actually want them to see you for your awesomeness post-sex. Being GGG is great for people already in relationship, or people who do not want a relationship, but if you are a woman who wants to be in an intimate relationship with someone, being GGG is a euphemism for being super cool adapting to a man’s playing field…or anyone just looking for a hookup.

How to date after a divorce when you have children (young and grown up)

This is so tricky. Dating post-divorce when you have children is, I believe, one of the most underrated and most important things for a single parent to consider. Unless you were widowed, a divorce already signals that productive conflict and adaptation may not be in your wheelhouse, so be super clear about who you are, what you value, being consistent, and having radically honest conversation–first with yourself and then with whomever you date. 

Children need a lot of tenderness and care post a divorce, so parents who use any of their parenting time to go out and date casually or to find the next one are really doing a disservice to themselves, their agreement to be a good parent (which I say applies to anyone who is a parent–a fundamental expectation and tacit agreement to fulfill a contract that makes you the absolute model for precious and innocent souls in human skins), and certainly are doing a disservice to their children. This is not a judgment statement. This is the fact of parenting and the parenting agreement. 

And never bring your dating buddy home to meet your children until you know they are going to be an integral part of your life, and do be certain they merit meeting the most precious people in your world: those people you agreed to shepherd and guide throughout your life and theirs. Husbands and wives may be temporary, but we would do well as a society to stop discarding our children for our pussies or cocks.

How to get over the feeling that you’re cheating on your ex 

This just takes time. So take the time. If you feel like it’s cheating, your heart needs more time to recover.

How to pick the right partner 

Know yourself. Take the time to walk with discernment and self-awareness. Do NOT ignore even one red flag. Take the VIA Character assessment and Love Languages assessments before ever even thinking about settling in with someone. Couples who share values or have complementary values are much better off than those who have little in common but resumes or complementary sex parts. 

How to have sex for the first time after a divorce/long term relationship 

Have fun. Laugh. Breathe. Cry. TRUST this person who you are getting naked with and allowing some access to the inside of you. Remember oxytocin makes women bond, even after one time having sex, and it does NOT do that for men. Whatever you are feeling may bot be what he or she is feeling. This takes you back to Know Yourself. If you are being used as a hookup, is that going to be alright with you? If not, then do you feel you know this person well enough to risk that? 

Feel fresh. Use condoms if not in an exclusive monogamous relationship for a minimum of 6 months. 

Is dating as an older women awful? 

No, it is really fun. Especially when someone crosses the room to say hello, which is what I love the most. And a seasoned woman who knows herself is about the sexiest creature alive. 

Sarah Martin

Sarah Martin is a Dating Coach who helps high desire people create the relationships of their dreams, from connected and joyful hookups through to passionate and loving marriages.

How to get over the fear of dating again

Be gentle with yourself. It is normal to experience jitters when you start dating again after divorce. Take it one step at a time – don’t feel pressured to join every dating app or go to every singles event right away.

Allow yourself to get excited! Especially if you married early, the dating landscape may be totally different. While it can feel intimidating at first, ultimately it can be incredibly liberating. Dating as an older adult involves far less drama, and often far more pleasure, than dating as a teenager!

Pitfalls to avoid when dating after a divorce

Don’t compare and despair – spending a lot of time comparing your experiences of dating to friends or people on social media can stir up jealousy and self-doubt, if you let it.

Don’t rush into a new relationship – the temptation to rebound after a significant relationship ends can be intense. Allow yourself time to have fun, explore, meet people, and put your relationship with yourself first for a while!

Don’t let your imagination run wild – sometimes after divorce, you might find yourself fantasizing about the beginning of a passionate romance with the person you’re talking to before you’ve even been on a first date. The more energy you invest in this fantasy, the more it can hurt when it doesn’t come true.

Don’t share stories about dating with your ex – After years of sharing the details of your life with someone, it can almost feel like swapping stories of this next phase of life with your ex would make sense. In reality, talking about dating with your ex just winds up being painful.

How to get over the feeling that you’re cheating on your ex

First, allow yourself time to mourn. When a relationship ends, it is totally normal to experience grief. Time will help you to heal..

If you’re seeing new people, and you get the feeling that you’re cheating on your ex, know that this, too, shall pass! Remember – you spent years being a committed partner. You’ve trained your brain to see your ex that way. It is normally that it takes time for this to shift. When you have this feeling come up, take a moment and consciously remind yourself – I am no longer in a relationship with them, therefore I cannot cheat on them.

How to pick the right partner

Clarity is the key to finding the right partner after divorce. You need to get clear on what you want to experience with a partner and what you are available for. When you are clear, you’re able to communicate your desires clearly and filter for people who want the same things you do. If you can focus on only one thing, let it be clarity!

How to have sex for the first time after a divorce/long term relationship

Wait until you find someone you have good, smooth, open communication with. That person might be someone you meet once for a single encounter, they might be someone you continue to see, but hold off until you find someone you feel comfortable expressing yourself with.

The first time you have sex after divorce can come with a lot of feelings, and it’s different from person to person. You might feel exhilarated, sad, happy, lost, blissful, awkward, or something else. It’s normal. If you’re with someone who listens and communicates well, you’ll be better able to move the encounter at your own pace.

Is dating as an older women awful?

Oh hell no. Dating as an older woman is an extraordinary adventure if you allow it to be. You bring your experience, self-assurance, knowledge, and wisdom to dating as an older woman. You’re more discerning and more aware of what you like – follow that knowledge and desire! The more you stay focused on what you want, the more pleasure and joy you will experience!