Bastian de Jour
What makes an alias so much fun it’s not worth revealing at any cost? Ask Batman. Or Superman. Or failing that, ask me… although you’ll get no PhD revelation here – for a start I haven’t got a PhD…
Anyway. Let’s first clear up some confusion. I don’t hang around with Brazilian dancing girls (sadly). Whoever that was using my sobriquet the other night, ‘twas most certainly not I since yours truly was instead lounging on his sofa back in quaint little old Nebfleet watching Hellboy 2: The Golden Army in HD (yep at thirty-five I can flit from grown-up to big kid with the flick of a remote) while still dwelling on life’s latest questions. Questions I do like to share from time to time I know. But that’s the fun of a problem aired or a tale told, n’est-ce pas?
So nope, as Shaggy (not of the Scooby-Doo variety) would say, “Wasn’t me!” Actually I reckon it was that other guy.
What other guy?
Well I have mentioned him before; same profession, older, more chilled but less hair (he wears a Gatsby in winter to hide this fact I’m told). Remember now? Our paths have crossed a couple of times given what we do. And I must admit I like the way he handles things. In fact, if you do indeed recall his previous mention, I’d even add how one’s reformation was part inspired by observing this. Although I reckon I’ve had a bit more fun than he ever did… but that’s strictly between you and me.
Mind you it could all have turned out differently. My ‘Before’ was very much an unremarkable period as you’ve heard tell, so that although I could indeed sit and watch Marvel Comics movies ‘til the cows came home, I’d always had that ‘older’ sensible side about me too (well according to my friends anyway) which was why hitting my thirties felt just the right cut of a Saville Row suit.
And yet underneath all that someone else wanted out. But if going online was the solution I needed a name, or rather a ‘name’. Well I thought I did. I mean that’s how everybody else went about it (like that taxi driver I met who reckoned he called himself Sir Knight and pulled easier than a zip). As for that particular name, well don’t laugh but I actually took it from a favourite character I used to assume during my geeky early to mid teen role-playing game years (hands up, I really did all that zillion sided dice stuff with dragons). Thus in his first incarnation, Bastian Dash had been a smartarsed, wisecracking troubadour whose wit was usually far sharper than his blade. And this might sound weird (and probably a bit sad too) but when I used to play him all those years ago, I often felt strangely ‘alive’. It was as if he’d always been there inside me just waiting for his chance to be set free.
But even then BD wasn’t exactly my ‘dark half’ though. He wasn’t a raging psychopathic monster and the personification of all my suppressed ugliness let loose by a potion, or even a cynical superhero too uncomfortable with the real world when not behind his mask. Instead he was an ideal, the guy with the bon mot who I’d rather have been if I’d had more guts to be him. He was always possessed with unique exuberance and with unswerving confidence in his own abilities, a man who in the face of even the most perilous adversity would usually triumph through sheer audacity. Oh and he was always, always a gentleman through and through – although a gentleman who always, always got what he wanted!
Listen don’t get me wrong. I’m fully aware the pseudonym does sound a tad pretentious or even ridiculous. I mean it’s almost parodying one of those silly names you often get in those dreadful daytime US soaps. But you know somehow that name (as well as the character behind it) just seemed exactly right for migration from those imaginary dungeons to an online chatroom where I/he was reborn.
I didn’t stop there though. I then went and made him flesh with Tammy didn’t I. She even called me Bastian too – well I hadn’t the heart (or guts) to tell her otherwise (and hell it also got me a mindblowing shag; why deny it). After that however the name as such then disappeared for a while. With Jane and what came after BD was merely confidence personified once more, simply an inner voice that always knew the best way to do things (note I say ‘best’ and not necessarily ‘right’ way).
Eventually the name (along with its owner) did return to the cyber realm because… well quite simply because why not have the best of both worlds if I could. That was until the day both worlds looked in and disapproved. Remember that? I mean it did stop me dead in my tracks. But that was a good thing I see now. Well kind of. Certainly I feel a change, or what I’ve called the butterfly’s next stage. And I know I’m half a decade closer to that set of numbers some of you older bolder women like to write off because they’re supposedly synonymous with boring, but au contraire I say. I mean if you’re not, why will I be just because I’m a guy? Hey I’ve recently been called ‘dangerous’ after all which might be a big load of piffle but be warned nonetheless; I still might surprise you yet.
Okay look, if you really want to know me, it’s not hard. You know what I do, where I’ve worked, and, in some cases, who they were (and still are). So the truth is out there. Somewhere.
I tell you all. You’re my confessional for such things not even those closest to me will ever hear.
And for that you do at least have my eternal and, of course, my nameless thanks …
By Bastian Dash, you can read more of his musings about life and love on TBWxtra on your personal home page.
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