A TBW guy agreed to share his story (all personal information from the session is strictly private & confidential)
A knock at the door and in walks an attractive man with a beaming smile and big sparkling brown eyes, he gives me a strong confident handshake and introduces himself. On first impressions, it’s hard to see why he is sitting in my clinic.
In the session he speaks very well and confidently about his work, education and growing up with a loving supportive family.
He is a real perfectionist, spending his free time at the gym (easy to see why) – a physique built by determination and a desire to look his best. “I give 100% to everything I do or not at all” he says.
So far, I have a confident, happy, attractive, fit, young and appreciative man sitting before me. So why is he here?
He is here for the same reason every woman that sits before me is here…love!
So why doesn’t he have love? And why is he not beating them off with a stick?
Rejection.
Having been on 6 TBW dates, he felt rejected by all of them.
As children we all experience the first time we touch something hot and get burnt. Did we touch it again after? As adults we act the same way, “Once bitten, twice shy”.
“Despite being a gentleman, I feel I have been treated unfairly by certain women, and as a result I do not have the confidence I had before to approach women for dates.”
Dr Strangelove’s Verdict:
Without revealing his past, when we experience rejection, over time we come to expect it and then start to believe it. We either stop taking action, and shut down the possibility of ever finding true love, or we play a numbers game, putting ourselves out there, in front of a firing line, having our confidence shot to pieces every time a relationship or blind date fails.
They say women can be cruel but I feel women choose to be cruel.
He has developed another belief entirely, “all women are”. A belief that is incorrect, damaging and self-fulfilling. Creating a reality that is cold and depressing.
So are men any different when it comes to rejection?
No, in fact because of society and men having to be men, it is in fact harder for any guy to be able to talk about it, much less understand it.
Men will tend to hold back, and when they eventually get back into a relationship, they will keep their distance, giving the appearance of being unavailable… the women then say, “all men are unavailable”. Do you get the idea…?
So what’s really going on here? Are we feeding each other’s beliefs and becoming what the other expects? Yes.
So are women cruel? Do they all reject him? No and no.
The fact is we play a part in creating the other person.
So ladies, when we say, “all men are insensitive, unavailable and distant”, have we played a part in creating them? Were they once gentle, kind and available?
Lets be gentle with our fellow friends and not neglect them, they may appear as tigers on the outside, but a mere kitten sits inside waiting to be nurtured.
Dr Strangelove (aka Kim Trevett, relationship therapist) can be contacted on the site for relationship advice and you can book an appointment with her. She will be available at our Christmas party and giving 10 minute analysis taster sessions to any TBW man.
Have a pattern of choosing men who are unavailable? Are they always in relationships? Are they married and just looking for fun? Are you still pining over your last relationship?
