Today is Mother’s Day, the one day of the year when we must not fail to recognise the monumental part played in each of our lives by our mothers, grandmothers and (if you’re really lucky) great grandmothers. Though today we celebrate above all these inspirational maternal figures, lets also recognise the role of all single parents, mothers and fathers, in our latest blog which has been written by a valued member and talented blogger, Trust the years.
How to date a lone woman with children aged 0-16:
Living with her can be a challenge but also a source of real hilarity and fun. Although it can be hard work to organise, lone mums really do appreciate some uninhibited passion in their lives as an antidote to the humdrum domestic routine. Here are a few of my thoughts on how to manage this situation- intended as a light-hearted starting-point. It’s definitely not for experts: dads, teachers or anyone else who is perfectly knowledgeable already.
Age:
- Pre-schoolers are very cute, equally demanding but easy to control, in the sense that one can physically transport and deposit them anywhere easily. They are not easy to control in terms of their natural, noisy and continual demands, which always provide unexpected variety. Please be aware of the overwhelming instinct most mothers have to protect their children when they are very tiny and avoid criticism of her parenting style.
- Older children may be more independent; however they will have their own agendas and anxieties. You may be viewed as a threat, a potential friend or a complete irrelevance.
- Particularly for age groups from school through to sixth form or college age, you need to get savvy about the school or college year, as this is how a woman’s life is organised.
Term dates:
This is the first layer of the totalitarian regime which makes up the life of the woman with children at home. I don’t know about anyone else, but in my kitchen is a dictatorial calendar and every year, the first things that go into it are key school dates. The terms, the half-terms, the school vacations, the pestilential In-Service Education & Training (INSET) days. If you have no idea when these fall, check the website of your local authority as a guide, or better still the website of HER local authority. If her children are younger, the same applies to nursery or child-minding arrangements. In the England, school begins in reception year (or year R) for children aged 4 to 5 years and children must commence school by their 5th birthday. Year 1 applies 5 to 6 year-olds and so on, up to year 11, the end of compulsory full-time education for 15 to 16 year olds. A class is composed of children born between September 1st in one year and August 31st the following year.
Children’s activities:
Highlight these in your diary as they will take priority over you! And do remember that in the school holidays, activities may well stop, throwing any regular arrangements you have into free-fall!
Shared care:
Most mothers in this situation have an ex-partner or grandparents to take over duties during some weekends and parts of holidays. During these periods, she will probably miss her children desperately, however repulsive they may be ordinarily, but for some it’s a time of blessed relief. Highlight these dates in your diary as well, for different reasons. This is the ideal opportunity to make her life 400% better with some Tender Loving Care and without any need to sustain the effort for weeks- take full advantage!
Predictable annual stress points:
There are several sub-types to consider- please do not add to these stresses, be kind and understanding!
Tests and exams:
As those of you who are teachers, lecturers, parents or have any dealings with children from year 6 upwards yourself know, from February to May or June the stress ratchets exponentially upwards.
At this time is the run-up to tests, examinations and career choices, combined with inexorable hormone increases. This means that women are dealing with combinations of emotional outbursts, stinky miasmas of angst, door slamming that rocks the home to its foundations, endless shouting, weeping and wailing, all of epic proportions, on a continual basis. Remember when you were a teenager and the world did not understand you, particularly your ancient and dementing parents? Despite the fact that your parents were complete and moronic failures, you expected your meals, washing, chauffeuring arrangements and all the trappings of everyday life to appear without prompting, provided by the eponymous House Fairy. For younger children, the list extends to social arrangements, play coordination and Care Bear cuddles to ward off regression to toddlerdom. For older children, it includes the expectation that the social arrangements which they forgot to warn her about will take precedence over anything else, since her life is already over. The dementing House Fairy in this case is your object of lust.
School vacations:
This is when all the carefully organised routines fly out of the window and descent into one of the seven circles of Hell or alternatively temporary insanity threatens at any moment. Your lady will be eternally grateful if you do not suggest romantic assignations at short notice during vacations unless the children are away with their father /grandparents etc. It is incredibly stressful arranging childcare at short notice, wondering what reciprocal arrangements will be anticipated by friends, the potential resentment engendered in relatives or the expense of paid babysitters before you even get out of the front door. Any routine tends to go out of the window during holiday times: a woman in this situation has the potential to morph into something quite monstrous with split-second timing. Be patient, understanding and prepared to give up spontaneity temporarily. And above all else, communicate and desist from taking continual rearrangements personally!
Generally, the lady you want may or may not choose to exclude her children from her contact with you. However, even from a distance, you may be viewed as either a friend and ally or The Great Enemy. Children are superb at targeted guerrilla warfare, sometimes surprisingly sophisticated in nature. If you engaged in this yourself earlier in your life, all to the good, as you’ll understand what’s occurring. If not, I suggest you get a box set of the BBC series ‘Outnumbered’ to aid your education about the strategies kids try to get their own way. Find the humour in the situation, as there is a hilarious side to it all. Loving black humour helps enormously. Remember you’re an adult and don’t get sucked into feuds with her children.
Get your head around these points and you will be considered even more attractive. Single mothers get very lonely and tired at times, so a supportive and sexy younger man is a wonderful healing tonic. Do your best to be considerate, sensitive, laid back, flexible, adaptable and you are likely to be rewarded to the extent you believe you’ve entered Heaven prematurely. Remember, in these situations, slow and steady wins the race! Good luck and enjoy putting the spring back into her step!
