Long and intense have been the discussions as to how many dates it is reasonable to go on before one sleeps with someone. Having garnered opinion from both sexes the general consensus appears to be; two dates if you aren’t that bothered about seeing them again but four if you think you would like to take it further. I decided on the four date rule years ago and although it might not always be great for the libido, it is definitely good for the soul.
—-Which brings me to my recent sojourn in Florence and the application of the rule —
As we women know any Italian city is a minefield of men chatting you up at every available opportunity. Crossing the bridges over the Arno a steady stream of “Ciao Bella”! rends the air as men wobbling by on bicycles proposition me at any time of the day or night. I take to handing out a false phone number as a quick way of escaping. By the time I reach the Palazzo Medici Ricardo that morning I am jaded by it all and unprepared for the intense stare and questions of the man behind the desk selling me a ticket… and asking me out. He looks alright, tall pleasant looking I think, until he stepped out from behind the counter where he must have been standing on a plinth because he has shrunk several inches. He says he is an Art Historian which might prove useful to my research and so I agree to meet him for a drink.
Date 1
This passes off reasonably well, but I discover he isn’t that knowledgeable in his alleged field, really more of a tour guide around the Uffizi. Disappointment begins to set in and I notice his teeth are wonky and his dress sense definitely isn’t Prada.
Date 2
So it has been a long day for me researching in the Medici Archives, we have dinner and after a walk in the rain Florence is so beautiful who could not be slightly drunk by it all. He grabs me beside the river and kisses me, it is okay… .no fireworks go off anywhere inside me. I disentangle myself and am happy to go home alone.
Date 3
We go for dinner, I pick the restaurant this time as I have realised that I have better taste than him, in everything! He is wearing some God awful fleecy thing; I try not to fixate on the wonky teeth. However on the plus side the wine waiter is cute young and vibrant with energy, and reminds me of my old boyfriend. The wine waiter offers me a digestive, we drink Grappa and laugh, he tells my date how lucky he is to find a girl that drinks Grappa, and he should ask me to marry him. I realise I really don’t even like my date and would definitely never want to go to bed with him. Now the wine waiter would be a different story… but jumping ship at this stage isn’t a possibility. I walk home alone over the beautiful dark sparkling river feeling mournful but thankfully manage not to send a slightly drunken text to the ex. Well Grappa is Grappa and I shouldn’t drink it unless I want to go dancing or make love.
There is no DATE 4.
The moral of the story is clear; not knowing someone can be an advantage, for they may seem more interesting, more mysterious, more complicated or intelligent than they really are. But unless you fancy them so much that your only criteria is wanting to rip their clothes off, (and who can argue with that sometimes ) my four date rule is a pretty good one.
After all who wants to wake up next to someone that you don’t even like?
Victoria Mosley is a poet, spoken word artist and author of The Red Dragon Bed.
