It’s hard to believe for some of you, I’m sure, but there was written communication before the invention of the internet and email.
No, really. We’d sit down with a pen and a piece of paper, and write what was known as ‘a letter’.
It meant we thrilled to the sound of the ‘clunk-click-thump’ of the letter-box, before it meant boring brown envelopes.
The closest many of us get to that giddy feeling of anticipation now is technological in nature; the little ping and fizz when we receive an email from Toyboy Warehouse, saying that someone’s sent us a message;
“Hi how are you?”
“My name is XXXX and my email is…”
“I am looking for a sexy older woman so message me if you like what you see…”
Yeah. The ‘cut-and-paste’ email. Oh, joy…
Guys; I understand. Totally, I do.
You’re playing a numbers game. You haven’t got the time to send out personalised emails to all the women you’d conceivably have sex with, if the opportunity arose.
Or, maybe you’re a nice guy. You’ve tried writing something different to every woman who’s caught your eye. You’ve mentioned something she writes about in her profile. Employed her username. Asked an intelligent question, shared a similarity, a funny anecdote. And still; nothing. A big fat zero of a response. Your good intentions have been crushed right out of you.
(I’ve been there too, mate. It’s the crappy end of the stick, I know).
So now you employ the minimum amount of investment. Just like the numbers guys. Because it works for them. Right?
Except, here’s the thing; we women can spot a ‘cut-and-paste’ a mile off. And it really, really puts us off. To the point where you’d have more chance with us if you hadn’t sent that message, and just winked instead.
Because it shows us that we’re one of any number of women who you’re contacting. And no woman wants to feel so utterly un-special. And it relegates you, too, to the ranks of boring boys who lack the originality to do something different.
But sometimes we’ve had a good day. Sometime we throw caution to the wind and give the benefit of the doubt. And then; oh dear. Your response just shoots the foot we’ve allowed to hold the door open;
“hi!!!!!!!! your sexy! i like your photos do you want to chat?”
You know what’s the worst thing about these messages (and, for the record, these are by no means the worst; that award probably goes to “I was looking through profiles to get myself busy, when I saw you and thought I would say hi…”); it’s the lack of grammar. It’s adding insult to the injury, quite frankly.
(I have a pet theory about why women are such grammar snobs, by the way. Come on, you know we can’t help but think you’re shit if you don’t know your shit when it comes to spelling and grammar. But why? Perhaps we unconsciously suspect that a man who doesn’t know how to appreciate the apostrophe, a certain something that’s visually small yet disproportionately powerful .. well, need I say more, boys?)
Repeatedly receiving ‘cut-and-paste’ emails can foster a gimlet eye in even the most wide-eyed of ingénues. I’ve found myself replying (on one of those ‘good’ days), ‘what was it about my profile that inspired you to email me .. exactly?’
(Oh, goody; we’ve both shot ourselves in the foot. Three-legged-race, anyone?)
So guys; give the ‘cut-and-paste’ a rest. If someone’s caught your eye, show them a little respect. Mention something in their profile. Try quality over quantity for a while.
Because a woman wants to feel like one in a million, not one of the millions. And if you don’t want to make her feel special from the start, then you’re never going to be someone worth writing home about.
This post was written by a Toyboy Warehouse member.
So lets hear it, what are the best and worst messages you’ve sent/received on online dating? Is it really just a numbers game?
Join in the discussion below.
