Online dating throws up a lot of challenges, not least the question ‘What are you looking for?’ Sometimes it feels like a trap…what happens if I’m honest and inadvertently put someone off? On the other hand, it can be refreshingly freeing to express exactly what you want. We all have different needs but ultimately you would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t state what they were.
Looking for a relationship is one option. Perhaps you are ready, perhaps you would like a chance to love and be loved. For those who desire this, then it’s important to express your boundaries and let the other person know what is acceptable to you.
Another path is having your sexual needs met and naturally, there are many people who would be happy to give you this; especially online. However, it can be hard for a woman, even in today’s society to ask for this without feeling slut shamed. It can be liberating to some who have a strong self esteem. But it is not something I
would recommend if you have any confidence issues.
Perhaps a middle ground is ‘something in between’. It has been called ‘friends with benefits’ or more crudely ‘a fuck buddy’ but I prefer to call it ‘lovers’. The first two work to a certain extent but lack fundamental elements. I believe when you have a lover, it can include anything from sex and love to sex but with stronger communication, connection and above all, respect. You may get your needs met without putting pressure on another person and if these needs are established from the beginning, then both partners are clear on what is expected. In traditional relationships, this is quite rare but in the bdsm community, it is common. Likes and dislikes are discussed in advance and trust and respect are essential to progress the relationship, even in a play partner.
In the end, there is a gorgeous, sexy menu we can choose from. Whether we opt for a relationship, sex or something in between; personally, I like a stable of ponies,
Written by Jo Stone
