Almost a year ago I wrote an article for the news column called e-tiquette to help TBW members get a better success rate. Well it looks like I need to say it all over again.
There’s been a bit of moaning on the forum lately about people not having much success with the opposite sex. Some people complain that other members don’t want to meet in the real world. My impression is that it’s only a small minority that are happy chatting and don’t want to meet up, but most do understand that a dating site is about dating!
Again and again we get feedback from people about methods of approach and it never ceases to amaze me how different they are between the sexes.
Everyone:
Start by taking the time to create a personal profile that really says something about you. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but it needs to be true, and capture the essence of what you are like and what you are looking for. There is no point pretending to be anything you aren’t – this includes age, height, profession, and smoking habits. Tell the truth, so you can attract someone who will like you just the way you are.
Add a photo. Most users only search profiles with photos. Get noticed. Your primary picture should be a recognisable head and shoulders shot. Free members do get two photos, and Silver members get six, so if you are really shy, you can put a more artistic one up first and a more recognisable one second.
Now, to the amazing difference in the orbits of Mars and Venus!
Guys:
- Do read the woman’s profile and comment on something in it. You’ll win brownie points if you can prove you’ve read it and are not just using the scatter-gun approach.
- Do establish an exchange of messages before suggesting chatting.
- Do take no for an answer with good grace. Don’t react with insults – she may come back to you later.
- Don’t put up a photo of your car, your bike, your baby [yes men do that more often than women!] you and your ex girlfriend or you in a group of friends [how will we know who you are?!] It’s just you we want to see!
- Don’t upload a photo of your willy, ever. It won’t be approved. And don’t use a pic of your headless torso as your primary photo. We want to see your face!
- Don’t fire off the same message to a number of women. We can tell.
- Don’t sneak your contact details into your profile or your message subject line. Women do not respond to that. They simply report you and think you are cheap.
- Don’t approach a woman with a message saying ‘hi wanna chat’. Most don’t. Some can’t. Many won’t.
- Don’t send a lengthy first message about yourself. Put what you want to say about yourself in your profile!
- Never send a woman a picture of your private parts unless she is expecting it. Women don’t generally want to see a picture of your willy, even if you’re very proud if it. Keep it until you meet. Let her take her own picture if it’s that great!
- All these guidelines apply whether a woman is looking for a fling or a mate.
Girls:
- Do keep your profile dynamic. If you’re not having much success, update your photo, or simplify your wording. It is easy for the more mature party to be quite intimidating without realising it.
- Do keep your list of dealbreakers down to the essentials. It shouldn’t be a list of all the things you’ve ever hated in your exes.
- Occasionally surprise a guy by making the first move. They’ll be delighted.
Getting together
Forum users have also been moaning about the fact that there haven’t been any TBW events outside London yet. Well one member took the initiative and is organising our first non-London event in Brighton on July 15th. Well done bettyboo! We’ll help with a mailout and contact the local press, so if anyone else wants to start organising events in their area let us know.
So the conclusion is, let’s keep the moaning off the forum and between the sheets [hem hem!] and we’ll all enjoy some more positive action!
By Julia, TBW founder
