What makes you a dating/relationship expert?
I’ve been in a relationship for over 20 years, that in itself makes me an expert. I have created my own experiments and strategies to help keep relationships alive and lasting. In fact, I wrote THE book on how to fall madly in love over and over again.
The same tools and techniques that are required for dating are even more amplified if you are in a monogamous relationship for 10, 15, especially over 20 years and want to keep it juicy and continue to experience deeper connection.
I’ve also researched, studied, practiced and taught many esoteric and practical modalities relating to intimacy.
How is your approach different from other experts?
My approach is unique in that I help individuals reconnect with their most hidden and/or forbidden parts of themselves so they have access to a variety of energies they can share with their partners. It is radical self-love and persona work at an exalted level.
I merge very artistic and practical tools with the profound wisdom I’ve studied and experienced from various esoteric mystery schools on sacred sexuality, intimacy and love.
What are some of the biggest challenges/frustrations you see from the people you work with?
The biggest challenge I see is lack of confidence. Most people struggling in relationships believe in a limited sense of self, and they project attributes onto one type of ideal person.
I first have to re-educate my clients to understand that they have “many selves,” not just one self. Then I have to help them experience, express and embody their loving, nurturing, sexy, savage, sweet, rooted and wild sides.
It can be an emotional process to unleash someone’s multifaceted soul.
Member submitted question
I’m 49, female and recently divorced. I met my husband when I was a teenager so I’ve never really done the whole dating thing. Where do I start?
– Catherine, 49
49 just divorced where do I start.
The first thing I would recommend is to really get to know herself, to date herself, flirt with herself and treat herself how she would like a lover/partner to treat her.
This is very practical in the sense that she will learn a great deal about herself outside of partnership, AND she will gain a lot of practice in receiving and giving to herself. This way, she will know what she likes and dislikes and gain a strong understanding of her desires so that she can communicate those desires to her date or potential partner.
Another quick and easy thing to do is to get rid of all her “ugly” lingerie and stock up on some sexy things, just to make herself feel better.
Tell us about some of the projects/books/events you’re currently working on/just completed
My bestselling e-book “The Kinky Vanilla Love Project: The Sexy, Soulful Journey from Betrayal to Bliss” will be in the print version and available this fall.
It is a tell all memoir that teaches women how to fall madly in love with themselves, use role-play as a way to reignite passion in their relationships, tap into their truest most sexy selves, and how to love and be loved better.
I’m also currently teaching an online class where I help women access their most potent and magnetic powers through an archetypal, ritualistic and photographic journey.
Do you find any patterns with respect to what women are attracted to? What are the main things women are looking for in a man? And The same question for men?
For the most part, I believe that women and men are looking for the same thing, though in different ways. Both men and women seek safety to feel confident enough to be who they truly are.
For a woman, safety with a man is one who is capable of receiving her fully, all aspects of her emotional being so feels safe enough to surrender and open up physically and sexually to him.
For a man, safety looks like a woman who does not judge him or take away his freedom so that he feel safe enough to open up emotionally to her.
I believe that ultimately, both sexes are attracted to confidence, body, mind, spirit.
Member submitted question
I’ve recently started an age-gap relationship with a woman who’s 15 years older than me. I haven’t told anyone about us yet and she’s getting annoyed, almost like I’m ashamed of her. I really like her but I just don’t know how my friends and family will react. What should I do?
– Marv, 30
Marv should get honest about his feelings for the woman he is dating and ask himself what is more important at this moment, his feelings for this woman or the judgement of his friends and family. Everyone is uniquely individual and that goes for their dating styles.
If two souls are serving each other in a mutual and consensual way, there should be no problem as long as communication is always honest and open.
His shame may be societal. Older men date younger women all the time, and it is accepted. My advice would be to decide with his heart, and not by the fear of judgement from others.
How can people connect with you on social?
My Instagram Social Media handle is @kinkyvanillalove
FB Lord Coltrane Haute Life
Finally, what’s the one piece of advice you hold close to your heart?
The most important and sacred of relationship is the relationship with yourself. Radical self-love allows you to have enough love in you to share it blissfully with another, it is the tool that helps you determine who is right for you in the long run, it is the energy that magnetizes the most epic of lovers.
