Setting: a heritage transport-related mess room, somewhere rural a long way from anywhere glamorous.
Ms X: “So, Paul, why did you ask me out?”
Paul: “Well, if you remember, I’d been trying to chat you up for the previous 2 years, because I wanted to get to know you better.”
Ms X: “Oh yeah, that Christmas dinner back in 2005…I’ve already told you why I completely failed to notice you though…”
Paul: “Yeah, because you were mixing me up with Dave and Bob…”
Ms X: “…who were about 15 at the time. And James.”
Paul: “What? You confused me with James??? That’s cruel!!! Going out with you is like necrophilia!”
Mike (entering the mess room): “Does he know what that means?”
Anyway, I am now 3 months into being the girlfriend of someone who is 16 years younger than me. Does the age difference matter, I ask myself, or is it nothing at all? Portrayals of older woman – younger man relationships in the media vary on this. Obviously, sensationalism makes good copy / viewing. As I gave up watching TV in about 1981, my knowledge of current TV programmes depends on what I read in commuter freebie newspapers. I even won a church quiz recently based on my TV programme current awareness. But I did hear about a Channel 4 programme showing very age diverse relationships. Who cares, asked the reviewer, and I do wonder sometimes if we are creating storms in tea cups.
My acquaintances are divided on their views of my relationships with younger men. Distant work contacts suddenly feel qualified to make (flattering, but not evidence based) observations on my sex drive. Many giggle and then say, “So long as you’re happy!” A few persistently trot out the annoying line, “And how old is THIS one?” My own opinions vary. Culturally, I am forever fixed in about 1980. However, like many people born in the Sixties, I feel like I’ve never grown up. This doesn’t make me Hip and Cool – another typical way to portray the Older Woman who is going out with a much Younger Man. Far from it.
Paul: “I can’t believe you’re falling asleep after half a glass of wine! Wait till I tell Karenza!”
Ms X: “Well, I meant to go to bed early last night, but then I started looking for pop videos on YouTube. I found Talking Heads’ Once in a Lifetime… haven’t seen that video since 1980!”
Paul: “Once in a Lifetime is excellent.”
Mx X [thinks]: Paul, this is like me talking about early Beatles stuff, and you’re completely unfazed!
Due to shift work, commuting and distance apart, relaxing weekends together are a great rarity. So it was great this weekend to stay in with Paul. “Are you doing much this weekend?” asked my neighbour. “Oh no,” I said, brightly (the neighbour had already seen Paul….) – the correct response would have been “chilling out” – but this brings frozen food to mind, and there are certain phrases I can’t bring myself to use as they just seem too Seventies. We did go out twice: for a trip to the Off Licence, where we joked with the guys behind the till. And the tip, where the tip attendants were similarly jovial. Maybe it’s the Being in Luurvve thing. Maybe they thought, “Oh bless, he goes out with his Mum!”
Anyway, you’ll be pleased to hear that Paul seems completely not bothered by our age difference. Our friends have got used to the idea, even if they ever had a problem with it. Most of his friends are older than me anyway, and some of mine are younger than him. I suspect how a situation feels depends on the individuals and circumstances involved. The age difference shouldn’t matter – is that not why we are here?
By Ms X Libris
