It’s the time of year when we look back on things past, and forward to new horizons. In so doing I’ve been thinking of some of the dates that I’ve had this year and some things definitely stand out and need to be discussed. Perhaps you toyboys are fed up of being told the do’s and don’t of dating older women, but here is a few of my bugbears for what it is worth. It might just help make that date go right in the New Year.
• Don’t turn up for a first date in that purple sweater that your granny gave you for Christmas, however cold it is, if you do you may never get a second date. Idiosyncrasies are endearing but wearing something that should be relegated to the Oxfam shop is not. Do perhaps make a bit of an effort because however gorgeous you are it would be good to think that we could essentially go out as a couple at some stage and that means if I look ok you have to too.
• Don’t start back seat driving the minute you get into my car. I’ve probably been driving longer than you’ve been alive. Scary thought? But possibly true. Believe it or not I can parallel park and drive a three ton lorry if I have to. If however you have your own car that’s a definite plus, but formula 1 driving is not. I’ve hung out with racing drivers and they are mostly a yawn a minute.
• Which brings me to the third most important thing, yes I love to talk about you and we all know the way to a man’s heart is by endlessly listening to his woes, life challenges etc. But what’s the point of going out with an older woman if you’re not interested in her vast and varied experience of life? Like most of us I have lived three lifetimes already and intend to get a few more in fairly shortly. If you’re not ready to listen to some of my stories and feign interest in my future aspirations we are not going very far down this rocky dating route of life together.
• Then we have the Mrs Robinson thing. Yes I can do the stocking and seduction bit if I feel in the mood, but actually I am hanging out with you because we have so much in common. Being an artist I work with younger people all the time. Your age is no big deal, my 15 year old son keeps me up to date with all the music out there and his friends are regularly hitting on me. (Though obviously I don’t take them up on it, just pat them sweetly on the head and shove them out the door) So yes I do look young for my age but don’t make an issue out of it please. It makes me feel like a weirdo.
• Then we have the date where there is massive chemistry, which is fantastic but he then immediately can’t get his head out of his boxer shorts.. Suddenly I get emails or texts full of hard core graphic details of what he is doing with various (albeit huge) parts of his anatomy. Great, but this should probably be saved for the bedroom if we ever get there, which isn’t likely if the above is happening. It’s good to be told you fancy me, great to know I’m attractive etc, but the above makes me feel like a commodity in a possible soft porn movie and I’m just too romantic for that.
• Don’t take me out on a date if you are just recovering from a massive break up with your long term girlfriend who wanted to marry you. We may get on fantastically well but I am not dating so you can have a bit of a giggle to make you feel better. Nor am I looking for instant hot sex or that one night stand to make you feel better. Sorry but you’d be better off going into therapy for a bit, or hitting the bottle. Anything but screwing yourself and everyone else up more by getting too deep into something else that you don’t understand and maybe never will.
• Do take me out on a date if you want to have an interesting fun time with a person who is a free spirit and yet believes that proper connection is about mind body and soul. Do tell me that I’m pretty, attractive, whatever word you feel happy using. If you want to go on a second date its good to say something simple like,’It would be nice to see you again’ before we leave. Don’t assume or take anything for granted. It may be a great new adventure for you, and for me it’s nice to meet new people and hear their stories and outlook on life. But I’m not dating you because I’m desperate for sex or can’t go out with people my age or older. I’m dating you because of your energy and enthusiasm for life and the way you hopefully make me laugh and feel good about myself. (If you give me half a chance I can make you feel good about all sorts of things.)
• I’m dating you because we have loads of things in common and because I chose to.
Happy New Year and Happy Dates in 2010. xxxxx
Victoria Mosley (Siren Song) has two collections of poetry available from Amazon .co.uk The Dry Season (1998) Crazy Love (2002) and a cd downloadable from www.gargeband.com/artist/sublimes . She is currently writing the third part of a series of novels The Angel Trilogy.
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