…JUST A CONFUSING FOUR LETTER WORD!!!
Ok, as most of you know, I have been single for a little over a year, having ‘woken up next to Victor Meldrew’ and decided that enough was enough!!!
I joined TBW as a result of an advert on another networking site because I was curious. I wanted to see what kind of a reaction I got. And man have I been over-whelmed by that reaction. My ego has been very well massaged of late!!!
And now for my dilemma!!
I am a ‘slightly’ older woman who is attracted to younger guys. I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life but I have only been single for a year. About 8 months ago I started chatting with a guy online and we seemed to hit it off immediately. We just flirted online for a while and then it got to the point where we exchanged numbers and started actually chatting on the phone. We seemed to have so much in common and made each other laugh with every single conversation. Awesome eh!!
We finally met up at a pub local to both of us and just laughed all night. Because I work near where the pub is situated, people that I know and work with were in and out all night and would come over and chat or just say hello and ‘D’ (as I will name him) just went with the flow and got on with everyone. By the end of the evening I felt like I had known him forever, as I did slightly already feel from our chats over the preceding weeks. At the end of the evening, he walked me to my platform at the station and waited for me to get on my train before he ran off to catch his bus (and yes, we did have a great good night kiss). ‘D’ was the first guy I had met since being single who did not expect to come straight home with me just because he had bought me a few ciders!!! AND he talked to me on the phone all the way home to make sure I had gotten in through my front door alive.
That was the Thursday.
My birthday was coming up and I had treated myself to tickets to go on a Champagne Ride on the London Eye and having met ‘D’, I couldn’t imagine anyone I would rather spend it with so I invited him and, of course, he was up for it. From there is just went from good to great. We saw each other quite regularly for movie trips and meals and just plain chatting over coffee.
To cut a long story short, we decided that it would be best for us to be just good friends (with occasional benefits, of course ;)) because, let’s face it, he is a young guy who has yet to do the things he expects to do with his life – like getting married and having kids. I have been there and done that and really don’t think I will have any more children as both of mine are teenagers. I also want to live out my life in Canada, he doesn’t see himself doing that. So, as you can see: two huge compromises.
So, we carry on chatting and laughing and meeting up and we both know where we stand – right? Wrong!!! But I will get to that in a minute.
In the meantime, I am, of course, still dating, and mid-November time I meet another guy who is absolutely awesome too. We hit it off immediately and I am currently still seeing him. And quite a few of my friends on here have met him and think he is great!! I really like him and I get the feeling he really likes me but I still don’t feel it is ‘exclusive’ as neither of us have said anything about it.
So, back to ‘D’ – a couple of weeks ago I was at his place for a movie and food and we start messing around (ok nudge nudge wink wink) and he turns to me and looks me straight in the eye and tells me that he loves me!! OMG!!! It completely stopped me in my tracks I can tell you!!! Needless to say, I didn’t say it back and it didn’t make the atmosphere feel strange or anything so I just thought ‘heat of the moment thing’ but you know when it doesn’t feel like it was a ‘heat of the moment’ thing? I mean come on girls, you just know right?
So we chat about it the next day and he tells me that it was indeed a ‘heat of the moment’ thing. PHEW!!! We have a laugh about it and get on with our lives.
Well!!! I saw ‘D’ last night again and we are doing what we do best (chatting and laughing) (c’mon guys what did you think I meant;))!!! ‘D’ turns to me and asks me how I feel about him. OMG again!!! He tells me that he loves me for real and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We both know that we want different things for our futures and so we both know deep down that it probably wont work. And the truth is, I really do love ‘D’ – I adore him. I make connections very quickly and I am fiercely loyal – my friends know this about me. But am I ‘in love’ with him? I think I wouldn’t be asking that question if I was – right?
On top of all of this, I am actually seeing someone else who may feel the same way about me. I just don’t know for sure but I just ‘feel’ it!!! And a huge part of me wants to see where it leads with ‘S’ but I just cant stop that niggling little voice in the back of my head – reminding me about ‘D’!!! I don’t want to lose his friendship but I have never been in this position before – how do two friends make it through something like this?
Answers on a postcard please!!!!!
By Bex
