Lockdown Love Survival Guide – Expert: Ellen Tang

Tell us about yourself and your work

I am a qualified life coach and counselor working with individuals all over the world. Having travelled to over 15 countries and lived in both China and the UK, I have a wide range of personal and professional experiences, from the deeply traumatising to the spectacularly empowering. My passion for personal development started on the receiving end of relationship therapy and coaching, through which I experienced the all-encompassing power of a good relationship and the wonders it can do to one’s life. On my journey of growth, I worked for many multi-national corporations, studied Engineering, Law, Finance and Psychology, learnt to manage my own investments, and taken a keen interest in fine art. I currently live in London with my loving partner.

As a firm believer in the power of personal development, I founded Ellen Tang Coaching, a practice dedicated to empowering deep thinkers in relationships, work, and play through one-on-one life coaching. Having been in relationships as well as single over the years, both happily and miserably, I have a deep appreciation of the rewards and limitations that both lifestyles can bring as well as how we can form healthy and happy relationships by first embracing ourselves. I have had the pleasure of being alongside my clients as they go on to find love and empowerment in their relationships. I am a featured relationship expert and frequent contributor on Godates.co and have published multiple articles and relationship advice online. 

What would you say makes your dating/relationship expertise unique?

I take a philosophy-based approach to relationship coaching. I believe that happy relationships are the natural result of two individuals who love themselves unconditionally. Because ultimately it is the relationship with ourselves that is the most significant, around which all other relationships fall into place. As a coach, I aim to engage with the client’s mind at the deepest level possible. Rather than holding myself as the ‘expert who knows all the answers’, I see myself as the facilitator of changes that the client wants to make as to how they relate to others and to the world. Drawing from over a decade of training and a lifetime of experience in personal development, my mission is to form partnerships with those who want to explore their authentic selves in a safe and stimulating space where they discover who they are, how the world experience them and vice versa. Such discoveries offer huge benefits in developing healthy relationships and in finding the perfect life partner. We all live better when we relate better. 

With so many people unable to see their other half during lockdown, what three things would you give to those in a relationship to help them get through this tough time?

I would offer the three tips below to help long-distance couples keep their relationships fresh and exciting during lockdown:

1. Stay connected. It doesn’t have to take hours each day, but setting aside some time to communicate with your partner regularly is the best way to feel each other’s presence during lockdown. This could be as simple as sending good morning and good night messages to your partner every day. In each message, the more you describe your feelings for your partner, tell them about your day, or summarise what you have discovered about your relationship, the more powerful it is for deepening your emotional connection despite the physical distance. 
2. Surprise each other. On the bright side, lockdown offers unique opportunities to let your partner know how much you love them. Be creative and playful in your interactions with each other. Send them something that you know they will need or smile at. Something that tells them that they are on your mind. Thoughtful gifts that relate to an experience you shared usually work very nicely, but a timely surprise delivery of groceries (or toilet papers!) could really brighten their day too. And guess what? The chances are that they will be home when the delivery arrives! 
3. Attend to yourself. Although you may experience an increased sense of loneliness and insecurity when your partner feels so out-of-reach during lockdown, it is important to remember to process those feelings within yourself rather than succumbing to the urge of calling your partner 100 times a day. Lockdown can be a valuable time for self-reflection. Use this time to grow your self-awareness and inner connection. A better relationship with yourself does wonders to your relationship with others. So, keep yourself entertained with wild dreams, exciting ideas and radical thoughts. Allow your imagination and creativity to flourish. Start that home project or career plan that you’ve been wanting to start and run with it. The joy of attending to your own needs and doing something you love will give you the extra energy and positivity that holds the key to a happy relationship.