In the month where banks have crashed and governments taken over the financial institutions of the global economy, I have been galloping my mad black mare across the Kent countryside with this Tina Turner song running through my head.. It’s alright for some………I can hear you say as you buckle down to the
9-5, but actually it’s not that easy being a poet, and a Capricorn poet at that.
It’s the age old dilemma of the head and the heart; our hearts often lead us where our heads wouldn’t ever go in a million years………not dragged in slimy handcuffs or swathed in Cartier diamonds.
(Sorry as usual I’ve gone off on one……)
You see my boyfriend and I, as you have probably gathered by now, have absolutely nothing in common. As he is 27 he is full of the angst issues of the male of the species, ambition, career, and all the things I dealt with in one way or another, years ago. Sometimes it makes me exhausted just to look at him and think of all the life cycles he will have to go through in his journey, to get to be as old as I am now. I simply don’t care as much any more; I know who I am and what I do best. My head tells me that he’s not really that good for me, that all this passion,( I don’t mean the sex ) and drama that keeps him going is just not worth it. You see he has to be loved 24 hours a day, and I am quite independent and just get on with my life, reasonably happy knowing that he is around somewhere in the world.
Recently this has come to a head in quite a few dramatic fights, where he stands screaming that I think he is,
…………..a spoilt Italian boy only good for f****ng……….
Well to a certain extent he is right on all counts, and I have to take 50% of the blame here, I was also screaming like a banshee, turning into Kali the destroyer , or a carbon cut out of my mother at her maddest. When we both stopped for breath we looked at each other and realized that the only thing holding us together is that we love each other, whatever the hell that means.
Now I know from experience that this love stuff doesn’t happen that often, and it certainly hasn’t been an easy ride this time. Unlike the Hollywood image of the older woman / younger man scenario in the real world it is bloody hard simply because we are at such different stages in out lives and want such different things. He wants to go out and conquer the world, I just want to be happy and sit on a beach somewhere as often as possible.
Ideally he should perhaps be with someone his own age and I should be with someone who is more useful to me than a spoilt Italian brat.
But then again, the other night looking at him beside me on the pillow I suddenly had one of those moments when I saw him as other people do.
There on the pillow next to me was this very beautiful Italian boy who loves me! Time to stop complaining and thank God………..
Love seems to have everything to do with it………sorry Tina!!
Victoria Mosley (Siren Song) has two collections of poetry available from Amazon .co.uk The Dry Season (1998) Crazy Love (2002) and a cd downloadable from www.gargeband.com/artist/sublimes . She is currently working on a novel, ‘Angel’s Wharf.’
